Can't Not
by cbrammer
Summary: Spencer and Ashley meet while on vacation in Cancun
1. Chapter 1 Does your mother know?

**Chapter 1:** **Does your mother know that you're out**

"Ashley, you are not going to wear that outfit!"

Mom is complaining about my wardrobe. What else is new? We've had discussions about this particular outfit before. 'Skirt is too short', 'Shirt shows too much skin', 'You dress like a whore' to name a _few_ of the jabs she bestows upon me. I don't oblige her with a response. I simply grab my purse and walk out the door. She forced me to come to Cancun with her. I never understand why she needs me to go on her vacations. It's not like she spends any time with me. She's always out and about with whatever man flirts with her that day. Not that I mind. Although I'd never admit it to her, but I enjoy her vacations just as much she does. It gives me a chance to go out and hook up with random girls without having to worry if I'll run into them at some point later.

That's always an odd predicament. One time I fucked this 'straight' girl in the alley behind this club I go to, Ego. The next day at school, everyone was looking at me funny and whispering stuff that I couldn't decipher. It wasn't until my best friend, Logan, told me that this girl was telling everyone that I took advantage of her while she was drunk. I would have normally been pissed off. But I was too lost in my thoughts about how I didn't even realize that the girl went to the same school as me. Usually I'm pretty careful about that. So I could really only blame myself. And it's not like my reputation at school was any good to begin with. Her stupid lie wasn't going to hurt it. I was already the school Slut/Dyke.

Logan was more upset than I was. She decided to defend my honor by following the girl into the bathroom and beating the crap out of her. Logan was suspended for that. God I love her. If I didn't see her as a sister, I could almost see us being in a relationship. Except that she is straight. But that's never been a problem for me before. See: 'Stupid Girl from Ego'. And the fact that I just don't do relationships. I like girls too much to be tied down to just one.

------------

"Kettle One and Tonic."

I order my drink of choice and scan the bar from wall to wall. There are a lot of people here tonight. Which is good, because it just gives me more of a variety to choose from. I don't think I'm conceited, but I've been told that I'm hot. Who am I to argue? Besides, I have eyes and a mirror. When I get dolled up for a night on the town, I study myself in it, and the first thought that comes to my mind is 'I'd do me'. And I have good taste.

"Can I buy you a drink?" Says the boy with wavy blonde hair that just leaned against the bar counter next to me.

"I just ordered. But you can pay." What? Just because I'm into girls doesn't mean I'm stupid. A free drink is a free drink.

"You here on vacation?" He lays his hand lightly on my knee as he speaks. I'm not nearly inebriated enough for this.

"No, I own the hotel." I look away toward the bartender to hide my eye roll. What type of lame question was that? I'm 17, Caucasian, and obviously in a bar full of tourists.

"Really?! Then why do you need me to pay for your drink?" Is he for real? He actually believes that I own the bar? What an idiot.

The bartender sets a napkin down in front of me laying my drink down on top of it. My suitor takes out a 10 dollar bill and drops it to the counter. I pick up my drink and walk toward the back of the bar where there are some empty booths, hoping the idiot doesn't follow me.

No luck. As soon as I slide into a booth, I notice him eagerly sliding in to the seat across from me.

"I'm Glen. And you don't really own the bar."

"Logan. And you're right." Do you really think I want this tool to know my name?

"You don't look like a Logan."

I don't answer. A: Because I'm bored with him, B: Because I'm shocked that maybe he isn't as stupid as I thought, and C: There is this absolutely gorgeous blonde walking over that I can't take my eyes off of.

"Gleeeeeen! I'm SOOO glad you dragged me here!" She slurs in exaggeration as she sloppily leans over the table to speak closely to the blonde boy. She thinks she's whispering but it's coming out as yelling. And it's adorable. "Why do YOU always get the hooooot ones?" She looks over to me and her pout turns into a half smile as our eyes meet. I'm staring into the most breathtakingly innocent blue eyes I have ever seen. I can feel tingles travel down my neck, through my arms, to my finger tips. Her eyes have not left mine when I have to roll my shoulders to try to suppress the weird electric shivers coursing through my muscles. Just then, her eyes avert back to the moron. "You going to inter... intra... In tro DUCE us?!" I giggle at her struggle to speak.

"Spencer, this is Logan. Logan, my sister Spence. Who apparently thinks girls are hot when she's drunk." He looks annoyed. How can he be annoyed with this cute human being that is practically laying on top of the table in front of us? And who can blame her? I _am_ hot.

"Nice to meet you, Spencer." She fumbles toward me and grabs my hand, sending another round of shock waves through my body. Only this time they travel in reverse from her hand through mine and straight to my shoulders.

"Same." She bats her eyes and paralyzes me with a seductive grin. I can't shake the tingles and I realize it is because she hasn't let go of my hand. In fact, her fingers are gently stroking my palm.

I hurriedly prop myself out out of the booth and walk to the dance floor, yelling over my shoulder "Thanks for the drink!"

I don't know what the fuck that was back there. But I wasn't about to hang around too long to figure it out. I've never felt tingles before and I'm sure as hell that nothing good can come from them.

------------

OK. So I'm a little off my game right now. As soon as I stepped onto the dance floor, I forgot exactly what I was there to do. That blonde haired, blue eyed, tingler was still on my mind. Lucky for me, I'm not one to be missed. Before I had time to dwell on the adorably cute drunk girl from before, I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned around and was met with... an adorably cute drunk girl. Oh, not so lucky.

"Logan."

"Spencer?"

Silence. AWKWARD. Davies, you have completely lost it tonight. What is wrong with you? Stop looking into those eyes.

"Why you run off? Glen was saaaad." She extends the word sad and brings her index fingers to the corners of her mouth and glides them down her face creating a pout. God she is cute.

"Not my type." I blow some stray strands of hair out of my face feigning aggravation.

"We're on a dance floor." Random. I chalk it up to her being drunk.

"You're smart." What? I had to say something.

"You're not dancing." She lays her arms over my shoulders, wraps her hands around my neck, and begins to move to the beat of the loud music. She is so not in rhythm. But I won't tell her.

"You're straight." I'm experienced. I just know.

"You're not so smart." _Cough_. She reaches out to take my hands, which have been glued to my sides through this entire exchange, and places them on her hips.

"You're drunk." Because I'm just not wrong about these things.

"You're preeeety." And now she has her face buried in my neck. I can feel her breathing against it as her arms fall to the small of my back. We're not really dancing anymore. What would I call this? Hugging? Oh god. The tingling is back.

I gently extract my arms from her embrace and peel her away from me. Holding her by the arms but keeping her a safe distance away, I feel my stomach drop as she looks up to me with disappointment. It doesn't go unnoticed that her eyes have turned grey. And I can't help but want to bring them back to their natural blue state. I give myself an internal pep talk. You can do this, Davies. This girl is gorgeous. You've slept with plenty of straight girls. What is so different about this one?

I turn her around slowly and she dejectedly starts to walk toward the booths. I grab her hands to stop her movement. I press myself against her back and lean in to whisper "Where do you think you're going?"

I never let go of her hands as I wrap them around her body to her midsection. I love how it feels to have my arms around her as our bodies fit perfectly together. With every beat of the song, I push my pelvis into her backside and I can honestly say that I've never been so turned on in my life. This girl is doing things to me that I am unable to comprehend. Suddenly, I do not feel so bad about talking myself into this. I whisper into her ear again "Come with me." This time I allow my lips to brush her ear and I tease with a slight flick of my tongue to her lobe.

That shocked her because she jumped away and turned to look at me with such innocence and ignorance. I notice her blue eyes are back and I smirk. Rolling my eyes I grab her hand and lead her to the bathroom. Straight girls!


	2. Chapter 2 Whats the name of the game?

**Chapter 2: What's the name of the game?**

This is not what I had planned. As soon as I led Spencer into the bathroom, I had to come to an abrupt halt as there was a string of women standing in line. Do girls in Cancun have the bladder the size of a peanut? My god. So not like Ego. And I've never wished that I could be in the bathroom at that bar more than I do now. I don't even know what to do in this situation. It's so foreign to me. No pun intended. Waiting in line to screw a gorgeous blonde is just something I haven't experienced in my brief but promiscuous lifetime.

I glance at the tingler, and she is looking everywhere but at me. I can tell she is nervous because she is swinging her hand. And because my fingers are entwined with hers, mine gets a free jittery ride. "Spencer, are you OK?" I realize this is the first time I've ever asked a girl how she felt.

Her hand stops, but she still doesn't look at me. "I don't know..." Shit. Why am I suddenly growing a conscious? And why isn't this line moving?! "I don't feel good..."

I turn to face her just as I notice the pale color of her cheeks and her face contorting in a very non sexy way. Oh. NO!

The line suddenly isn't very long anymore. The ladies part like the red sea after witnessing the relentless puking and I purposefully drag Spencer past them to a bathroom stall that has just became available. I gently guide her to her knees in front of the toilet and hold back her hair as she retches uncontrollably. I'd be lying if I didn't say I was distracted. The wetness I feel on my ankles and feet alert me to the fact that I had just become the victim in this game. God DAMN, I loved these shoes!

"Loga-"

"Yeah?" I unbuckle my shoes and kick them off as I sit to the side of her so that I can look at her face as she turns to me.

"I wanna go home." She rests her forehead on the edge of the toilet but angled in a way that allows her to lock eyes with mine.

I can't help the smile that is forming on my face. You wouldn't be able to either. She looks so endearingly beautiful right now. She's looking at me like nobody has ever looked at me. What is that? Appreciation? Thankfulness? And why do I care? My smile falls. "Sure." I grab my shoes, stand up and open the bathroom stall.

---------------

"Where the hell have you been?!" Idiot brother raises his voice as we approach him. He is eyeing the two of us. Probably because his little straight sister is in my arms.

"Spencer got sick. We were in the bathroom." As he notices Spencer's faint demeanor, he relaxes just a little. "You need to take her home."

"Fuck that! I'm not leaving until I go home with..." Glen turns to his dance partner who had been gyrating on and around him during our conversation. "What's your name, sexy?"

The sleazy blonde whispers something into his ear. "I want it to be... Vanessa!" He responds. Then turns to us. "I'm not going home unless it's with Vanessa!".

I put my hands over Spencer's ears. "I'm not a fucking babysitter. Man yourself up and take your sister home. Now."

"Looked like you were man enough for my sister when you were out on the dance floor earlier."

I give Glen the biggest eye roll I have ever conjured up. "Come on Spencer. Let's go." I help her out the door of the bar and to my rental car.

----------------

Opening the passenger side door I gently slide Spencer onto the seat. She hasn't lessened her grip on me and her legs are still hanging out the car door. "Spence, you have to let go." I make the mistake of looking up at her and am assaulted with cutest, heavily hooded, dark blue eyes.

"I'm sawwy, Loga-"

"It's OK." I interrupt and avert my eyes, I lift her legs at the calves and move them to the floorboard. After removing her arms from the death grip they had on me, I shut the door.

I get into the drivers seat and grip the steering wheel tight before resting my head on it. "Spencer?"

"What?"

"Where are you staying?" I don't lift my head.

"With Yoooouu." I can feel her finger touch my shoulder and lightly make it's way down the length of my arm. The tingles are back. Great. I barely have enough energy to maneuver my head to look at her.

"No. Where is your hotel?"

"I dunno..." Oh shit. She looks worried. Or confused. Or both.

I shut my eyes. Wondering silently where this night went so wrong. "Do you have a hotel key or anything?"

"Vessa's booooy toy has it!" She giggles. She giggles?! I open my eyes in frustration. But again, our eyes lock and I forget why I'm upset.

I haven't looked at the clock, so I really don't have an accurate gauge of time right now. But I would guess that we've been engrossed in each other's gaze for an eternity. I don't know who this girl is. I don't know what kind of magic powers she has. But I can't stop being seduced by her perfectly shaped blue doe eyes. I lean over her and reach for the seat-belt never breaking our unspoken conversation. Our faces are just millimeters apart and I can feel her breath on my skin. Of course, I'm holding _my_ breath because I know she has been sick tonight. What?! You you'd be holding your breath, too! I'm only human.

I'm concentrating on latching the seat-belt as I feel Spencer kiss me on my temple. I jump and accidentally release the seat-belt in shock, which shoots it straight up into Spencer's face.

"Ooooowww!" Spencer quickly brings her hands to her face.

I tear them away and replace them with my hands. "Oh my god! Spencer, are you OK?! I'm sorry! I'm sooo sorry!"

And before I can say anything else, she has closed the distance between us and is attacking my mouth with a force I did not expect from this adorably innocent girl. I can feel her hands massaging my head and tugging at my hair as she deepens the kiss by penetrating my lip barrier with her tongue. I'm completely lost. This gorgeous blonde has managed to do what all other random girls have failed to do. Kiss me. OK, I'm flushed. I'm hot. My heart is palpitating. I'm tingly all over. Our tongues are moving in harmonious rhythm. I can taste her. She doesn't taste like sickness at all. She tastes like Altoids. Sneaky girl. She pulls back and I am thankful because I have lost the ability to breathe. And also because she is drunk and I've suddenly somehow gained a conscious tonight.

"Spencer. I don't do straight girls." I lie. After turning the keys in the ignition, I put the car in drive and pull out of the parking lot.

---------------

I helped Spencer into the bathroom about 30 minutes ago. I told her she should take a shower. She agreed that would be a good idea and I laid out a pair of my boxers and a t-shirt on the counter for when she got out. The water is still running, and I'm beginning to worry. And let me just say that it freaks the shit out of me to feel concern for anyone but myself. I haven't forgotten that Spencer might actually possess some kind of kind of magical powers. What else would explain her seductive powers in the car earlier? I'm still trying to wrap my mind around that. Obviously this has to stop. I'm in way over my head with this one. Already this isn't another random girl. And I don't want anything BUT random girls.

The bathroom door unlocks, and I now have a perfect view of Spencer in the outfit I had laid out for her. Davies, don't even think about! "About time..."

"Sorry, It just felt good to relax in there." She slowly walks to the bed and sits down beside me. I almost feel my breath catch from the closeness. But I suppress it.

"You normally drink as much as you did tonight?"

"I don't usually drink." She admitted, plopping down to lay on her back.

"Well then, what was the special occasion?" I'm just trying to do small talk. I know that she has to pass out soon. But then her eyes meet mine again. And they are trying to tell me something. But I don't register it. Because I've never had conversations with eyes before tonight. She figures this out and sighs with frustration, crawling up to the headboard and slipping under the covers. I don't remember discussing sleeping arrangements.

Spencer sing songs, "Are you going to sit there all night or are you going to get in bed?" There has to be another arrangement than that. If I were at home, I would have several rooms that I could choose from. But because I'm in Cancun and in a hotel suite that only has two rooms, I'm internally cussing my mother out for convincing me to come on this vacation. "I'm not going to bite." And I don't believe her. Because I was just trying to put a seat-belt on her and she mauled me in the car.

"I'll go sleep on the couch." I move to stand up, but an arm reaches out to grab my hand and pulls me back down. Ugh! This is so frustrating!

"Logan, I didn't peg you for the shy type."

"Well I didn't peg you for the aggressive type.." I shrug.

"Come on. Lay down with me. I promise we can just talk."

"I don't do talking."

"You don't _do _a lot of things." I genuinely laugh out loud at that. "What's so Funny?"

"You don't even know how wrong you are..." Tired of trying to argue with Spencer, I slip into the bed and turn out the lamp.

"Logan."

"Spencer?"

"We're in bed." Oh god. Not this again, Captain Obvious.

"Yeah..." You promised. Just talking.

"I'm not looking for a relationship." Straight girls never are. Until they are.

"Spencer, go to sleep!"

"I'm not going to lie to you. I've never been with a girl before. Actually, I've never been with anyone before."

"Why are you telling me this?" Too much information!

"Because I want you." Giggle.

_Choke. _"Lets talk about it when your sober." I pull the covers over my head to shut the world out.

----------------

The sun is bathing me in warm rays sneaking through the large crack in the window curtain. I'm tired. When did I fall asleep last night? I readjust myself so that I lay on my side and rub the sleep out of my eyes. As I open them, I am startled because I've just realized that there is a girl in my bed. Spencer. How did I forget about her? And how did I not notice our legs tangled below the sheets? This is the first time I have ever woken up with someone. I guess this vacation is full of first times. Oh god. Speaking of first times. Did Spencer really say that she wanted me to be her first? It was all crazy, and she was drunk, I know. But did she really say what I think she said?

I sigh, prop by elbow up and rest my head in my hand. I study her face, memorizing her features. She really is beautiful. I can't think of a single person better looking than she is. I want to touch her, but I don't think I can deal with this. Don't get me wrong, I'm a whore. The rumors are not lies. I've accepted my place in life. But I have never taken someones virginity. At least not that I know of. I gloat internally about how I am always right. I called it. Spencer is straight and innocent. And that combination has never been so charming. I unconsiously move my arm to drape over her waste as I am staring intensley at her eyelids. Wondering what shade of blue they are in the morning. Silently trying to urge her awake.

"Ashley!" My door flies open causing Spencer to rocket up into a sitting position. "Oh, sorry. I didn't realize you would have a special friend here. In your be- I mean, in the mornin- I mea-"

"Special friend?" Spencer glances sideways at me with a curious expression.

"Mom, this is Spencer. Spencer, my mom." I say this as if it is routine. But it clearly isn't.

"Ashley, I'm accepting of your late night.. activities. But you have never had one sleep over. This is not acceptable."

"Oh, I'm not an activity Ms...?"

"Davies."

"Ms. Davies. I had too much to drink and your daughter was just kind of enough to take care of me last night."

"Oh, and I'm sure she did!" Awkward silence. "Anyway Ashley, I came in to tell you that I won't be able to go to dinner with you tonight. I have a date!"

"Awesome!" I sarcastically responded.

"OK, well you two get dressed. You don't want to sleep the day away!" And she exits. Leaving the door open. I stand up and walk to the door to close it, but as I reach for the handle, Spencer has turned on warp speed and is already headed out the door with her clothes bundled in her hands. I run after her.

"Spencer, wait!" Damn she's fast. She's already at the elevator. Thank god we're on the top floor. "What are you doing? You could get dressed first. Have some coffee or something." I nod my head back toward our suite and flash my trademark Ashley Davies smile. She ignores me.

"What's wrong?" I'm still being ignored.

_Ding._ Shit, the elevator.

"What is going ON?!" I say with frustration as I run my fingers through my brown curly locks. The elevator doors open.

Spencer walks into the elevator and turns around to press a button. "Well I know who's not getting OFF, _Ashley_..." The doors close.

"Oh."


	3. Chapter 3 SOS

**Chapter 3:** **S.O.S.**

"Just stop." I push her hand down from under my skirt in frustration.

"Thank god..." The sleazy blonde says with resignation. "How much have you had to drink?"

I straighten my clothes. "I'm not drunk."

"I've never not been able to..." She looks at me apprehensively. "..._please_ someone before".

I turn around and unlock the stall door, "Vessa, it's definitely not you." , and walk out.

------------------------

"Kettle One and Tonic."

Here I am again. At the bar. I had to have been in that bathroom forever. What the hell was that about? I mean, there was a long line... Oh who are you fooling?! That isn't what took so long. Am I never going to be able to have sex again? This is ridiculous. Stupid adorable tinglers that kiss you. Cute blondes that tell you they want you and then leave. I chuckle to myself remembering what Spencer said in the elevator. _'I know who's not going to get OFF'_. She probably doesn't know she can predict the future. Fuck! I don't even WANT her. Who wants to deflower a cute innocent straight girl? Be someones first? The one they'll remember forever? Why the hell am I smiling?!

"You're drink.." The bartender interrupts my thoughts. He is annoyed.

"Whatever." Not as annoyed as me. I throw a hundred dollar bill at him. "Keep them coming!"

I don't even know a single thing about her. I maybe spoke like 30 sentences the entire night. Her less. She is really beautiful, though... No, stop it! This is not happening. This has NEVER happened. I was sure that if I came here and let some random chick do me, I'd definitely get her out of my head. OK, so she wasn't so random. What?! If you would have seen the way she was grinding up on Glen last night, you would have wanted a piece of that, too! Wait. Maybe that's it? I couldn't do it because it was the idiot's seconds?! I knew it wasn't me!

_Chug._

OK. I'm going to go find some other hottie and try this again.

_Tingle._

What the hell?

_Tingle. Tingle._

She better not be... Oh, but she is. I so should not have turned around. And Jesus Christ! She has the powers to put my limbs to sleep without contact, now? Evil.

Eye conversation language is definitely a class I'll have to remember to sign up for when I go back to school. Because I don't know what the hell she is telling me right now. All I know is that I'm probably mispronouncing something. Hopefully I am saying, _'Why is sleazy blonde all over you?!'_

No? Apparently not. Because if I would have communicated that, she would have walked away from her by now, right?

Let's try again. Concentrate. _'I want you, too'_.

Nope. She definitely didn't get that. Because she's letting Vessa suck on her neck. I hate this. No... I hate beautiful blue eyes and their owners for letting a girl dry hump her on a dance floor while looking at me. _'I hate you!'_.

I think she got that one. Because I know I understood her _'Go to Hell!'_ eyes before turning around and kissing that... that... WHORE! I should have known that I could at least get out 'I hate you' in eye conversation. I've been gifting my mother with that for years.

I am over this. Really, I am. I'm Ashley Davies! Every girl wants me. Every girl wants to be me. I do not pursue adorable, beautiful, innocent, straight, tinglers. I pick up my purse and head to the front door. Wait, where are they going? Uh, no. I don't think so!

------------------------

Does this bar offer a 'Go to the front of the line' pass? Obviously Vessa has one. I really wish I would have known that because I could have used it last night. OK, so how does this work? Hold breath to make face pale. Contort face as if were going to throw up. Make ugly vomit sounds.

Score! Free pass.

I quickly walk into the stall next to them. Gross. Who kisses that loudly? At least I'm a lady and try to conceal my activities in bathroom stalls. Alright, Davies. All you have to do is stop them. Why do you want them to stop? Because I want them to. But why? Because Spencer's first shouldn't be with a sleazy whore. But you are a sleazy whore. I'm a sleazy whore that she wanted. You're not a sleazy whore that she wants now. Oh fuck no! Anyone would want me over that skank in there!

"Hi" That's right, Davies. You're cool. You're standing on a toilet seat and peaking over a wall at two people about to get it on. You've had less humiliating moments. Play it off. Flash that cute grin.

"Oh looookie! It's Logieee!" Spencer grabs the whore's chin and points it up in my direction. I roll my eyes.

Why didn't I plan out what I was going to say before I did this? OK. Think 'tingler' speak.

"You're in a bathroom stall."

"You're smart."

"You're not in one with me."

"You're not so smart."

Did she really just stick her tongue down the slut's throat now? New tactic. Quick.

"Hey Vessa!" Slut breaks their kiss to look at me.

"Name's not Vessa anymore. It's Ashl-" Spencer covers _Ashley's_ mouth.

I knowingly smirk at Spencer and lock eyes with her. I'm getting better at this. Because she's telling me _'Save me'_. She just doesn't know it.

"I'll give you a hundred bucks to walk out of here right now."

"Oh please, bitch. This cute thing is worth more than a hundred dollars." She puts her hand up Spencer's shirt and over her breast.

_Slap!_

Aww, whore. That's gotta sting.

"I'm not a hooooker!" Tingler is sexy when she's pissed. Her ass is sexy too. Wait! She's leaving?

"Spencer!" I run after her into the club. Why is this becoming a habit?

"Get away from meeee!"

I grab her arm and spin her around. It wasn't meant to be as forceful as it was, but she was at warp speed again. Not my fault. But her momentum caused her to plunge into my arms. And I'm not letting go. What?! I wouldn't be able to catch her in these heels!

"You can't buy me!" She struggles to get out of my embrace. Pounding at my chest but not doing it hard enough to hurt me.

"I didn't want to buy you. I wanted to save you." I hold on tighter and the pounding stops. I loosen my embrace enough for her to look up at me. And her eyes have done it again. I'm drowning in them. In her.

"Save me from what?"

"Not from." I've confused her. "For."

"For?"

"For me."

I kiss her. So tenderly. The way we should have kissed last night. The way I want to always kiss her. Trying to tell her everything that my eyes couldn't say before. My lips are saying I don't want random girls. My tongue is saying that I like her tingles and my breath in her mouth is saying she's the most beautiful girl I've ever seen. She deepens the kiss and my moan tells her, _'I want you, too'._

"Ahem..."

We breathlessly break apart. My heart drops at the loss of contact. Heart?

"Glen." I acknowledge.

"Logan." He looks at me. I can't read him. He turns his attention to Spencer.

"I think we better get back to the hotel."

"I soooo agree with you, Glenny!" You agree?

She smirks and gives me a head tilt. "See ya, _Loooooogan_." I watch them walk out the door.

That is the cutest head tilt I have ever seen.

---------------------

_**God help me!**_I text to Logan.

I need my best friend. I rarely need anyone, but I need her now more than ever. An unbiased party to sort through this mess for me. I've been watching tv here in my hotel for the last 20 minutes going crazy. I'm so out of it, I didn't realize I had it tuned to some late night Spanish soap opera or something.

_**Too many girls to choose from? ;)**_

_**One. **_I respond.

Bzzzzzzz. I dropped the phone. Fuck. I pick it back up and open the face when I see who's calling. "That was quick."

"Ash, please tell me you did not just say 'one'. You accidentally hit 'send' before you finished, right? One _too many_, maybe?"

"Nope."

"What's going on?"

"I met someone."

"You meet a lot of someones."

"No, I meet a lot of randoms."

"Who is she?"

"I don't know."

"You don't know?"

"I mean, I don't even know her really."

"Soooo, you're hung up on _one_ girl that you don't even know _really_?"

"I can't explain it."

"Ash, I don't want you to get pissed at me. But maybe you've let yourself get hung up on one girl, because she's _there_ and not _here_."

"I kissed her."

"Wow."

"Yeah..."

"You're on vacation. You won't see her again."

"I know."

"Is it worth it? I don't want you to get hurt. This has never happened to you. I don't even know how to have this conversation with you."

_Knock. Knock. Knock._

"Logan, someones at the door. Hold on." I keep the phone to my ear as I go to look through the peep hole. "I gotta go. I'll call you later."

"Ashl-" I shut the phone and open the door.

"How did you get here?"

"You're going to think this is fuuuny!" _Giggle._

I don't' respond. Because I don't think any of this is funny. I'm actually beyond terrified at what I've been thinking since last night.

"We're stayin' in the saaaame hotel!" _Snort laugh._

OK. So who couldn't laugh at that? But my laughter stops as soon as her eyes burn straight through mine. She slowly and seductively walks up to me so that our chests are merged together. She leans close to my face. Our mouths almost fused together. I can taste her breath as she speaks.

"You gonna invite me in?"


	4. Chapter 4 Knowing Me, Knowing You

**Chapter 4: Knowing Me, Knowing You**

Closing my eyes, I purse my lips out to place a feather light kiss on her mouth. I'm sure she was expecting me to attack her; kiss her hard and full of want. Believe me, I am all full of that. You have no idea. But I break the kiss and look down. Taking a few steps back, I let my eyes finally take in the beauty that is standing in the doorway before me.

Those shoes are cute. Mmmm. Hi calves. I remember you from last night. I wonder where she got that little scar on her left knee. God. That tiny white skirt. It's what I usually refer to as an 'easy access' skirt when on the randoms. But it looks just right on her. I think she could make anything look appropriate. How did I not notice her stomach before now? I fight the urge to trace my fingers around her belly button. She's wearing a Burgundy spaghetti strap halter top. It accentuates her perfect chest. And those eyes...

"When are you leaving?" I surprise myself for asking.

"Friday." She's fiddling with the hem of her skirt but still maintains our gaze.

"Oh." I slightly nod. "What's your last name?"

Hey eyebrows furrow slightly. "Carlin."

After a moment I whisper, "Spencer _Carlin_", as if the last name is the final piece to making this person real.

She doesn't say anything.

"What's your room number?" I need to know. I'm tired of not knowing anything about her or how to reach her.

"Why?" She barely breathes out.

"You know mine. It's only fair." I shrug.

"421."

"I thought you didn't drink."

She sighs and runs her fingers through her blonde hair. Finally breaking eye contact and I'm surprised to feel some relief at that. I'm not a fan of drowning. "Is that why I'm not in there?" She motions her head in the direction over my shoulder.

I nod.

"I guess I'll just go then." She slowly walks to the elevator and presses the down button and I follow close behind.

"I do want you." I stand beside her and stare at the elevator.

"Me too."

_Ding._

I watch her enter the elevator and press a button. Her eyes meet mine and I understand them. They are asking, _'Why are you letting me go?_'

Just before the doors close, I quickly slip inside and push her against the wall while pressing my body tight against hers. I stare intensely into her eyes and bring my hand up to brush her hair behind her shoulder. I need her to know that I'm not turning her away because I don't want her. I'm turning her away because she is drunk. I can't take advantage of her. If it was anyone else, this wouldn't be a problem. But there is something about her. She's different because she can make my body fall asleep just by her presence. Nobody has ever made me feel tingly and prickly, made my heart drop, and grow a conscious.

But I'm afraid that I'm still not able have this conversation with my eyes. I think I'm confusing her more than anything because she's looking at me with such shock and apprehension. I cup her face with my hands and hungrily cover her mouth with mine. She gives in and welcomes my tongue with hers. And I know this is working. Because how could she not feel the determination in my kiss? She knows I want her. I'm telling her. And I can't help but feel the familiarity of this. Of last night in my rental car. How we have the rhythm of seasoned companions. I'm not going to pretend to understand that. She is inexperienced. And I haven't kissed anyone for well over two years. Yet this is perfect as if our mouths were made for each other.

_Ding._

I quickly pull away. My heart is racing and I'm having trouble catching my breath.

She stumbles out of the elevator and turns to face me, swaying a little. "You're weird." She smirks playfully.

"Says the tingler." I give her a warm smile.

"Wha-?" And the elevator doors close.

My smile falls when I realize that today is technically Thursday.

--------------------------

"Ashley, you look like hell. You need to start getting more sleep."

Good morning to you, too, mom. Ugh. I so don't need this first thing in the morning. I would have gladly welcomed sleep. Only it didn't welcome me. Instead, I laid in bed and thought of all the millions of different ways a certain beautiful blonde could have gotten a scar on her knee. And why is every station on this t.v. in Spanish?!

"Honey, I was thinking we could go try that scuba diving thing that was included in the package." She motions to the large binder that was provided by the hotel when she checked in. My mother had purchased the most expensive all inclusive deal. It was packed full of activities that we could partake in.

"I can't today." It's the only day I have left with Spencer.

"I didn't bring you here so that you could go out all night and sleep all day."

"Why did you bring me?"

"Because you're my daughter."

"You just want me as a backup for when you can't woo some poor unsuspecting guy into a date."

"Ashley, adjust your attitude. Right now."

I roll my eyes. "Whatever. But I'm not going." I walk into my room and pick up the phone. "Room 421 please."

"Hello?"

"Spencer?"

"Oh. Hey..." I can hear her smiling into the phone.

"What are you doing today?" I'm nervous. I feel like I'm asking her on a date. Wait. Is that what I'm doing?

"I don't know. I think Glen wants me to go to the beach with him."

"Oh..." I'm disappointed. "Do _you _want to go the beach with him?" Say no. Say no. Say no.

"I haven't had any better offers." She jokes. And I feel better.

"Well... I know this hot girl. She's about 5'3", curly brown hair, nice ass, and killer abs! Anyway, she told me she thinks you're cute."

"I see." That's it?

"Well are you interested?"

"Oh, I don't know... I don't really do blind dates." If she wasn't so adorable, I'd strangle her for playing with me like this.

"Then you'll have to settle for me. Meet me in the lobby in an hour." And I hang up. What? I'm not giving her the chance to back out.

_Ring. Ring._

The phone startles me. "Hello?"

"In that case, I'll meet you there in 30." _Click._

Oh, Spencer Carlin.

----------------------------------

"You're early." I approach the stunning tingler in the lobby. She turns around and smiles.

"So are you." She teases. Yeah, so? I return her grin.

I can tell she is nervous because she has her thumbs tucked into her back pockets and she is shifting her weight between her feet. She is so gorgeous. I've only ever seen her in her short skirts and halter tops. Today she is dressed much more casually, wearing denim short shorts, a white tank top, tennis shoes, and a trucker hat with her pony tail sticking out the back. "Are you hungry?"

"I'm starving!" She bends slightly and grabs her stomach for emphasis.

"Let's go get some breakfast, then." I place my hand gently against her lower back to guide her to the cafe just past the lobby. She shifts her shoulders a bit, looks around as if she is uncomfortable, and I drop my hand to my side. But she latches my pinky with hers for a split second before letting go. I glance over to her and notice she is smiling and blushing a bit. Sober Spencer is shy. Huh.

The hostess sits us at a small table in the middle of the cafe facing each other. We are looking over our menus but we're doing this thing where I'll raise my eyes and notice she was watching me. To which she giggles adorably and buries her eyes back in her menu. And then a few seconds later she catches me staring and I avert my eyes quickly. She's making me feel like I'm a 10 year old girl with a crush.

We place our orders and hand our menus to the waitress.

"So..." I take a drink of my water. "Where are you from?" I've never been on a date. I'm guessing this is how you start a conversation like this.

"Ohio." Ohio? That's really far away right? I should have paid attention in Geography.

"And you're here on vacation with your family." Not really a question. I just don't know what I'm supposed to be talking about. This is strange territory for me.

"Yeah. We got here last Saturday." Why couldn't we have met then?

"Have you had a good time?" I'm so lame. This is the stupidest conversation I've ever had in my entire life.

"It's been OK, I guess. The first half of the week my parents wanted all of us to hang out together. It wasn't until the night before last, that they let us go out on our own." That explains it.

"You and Glen?"

"Me, Glen and my other brother Clay."

"The other brother didn't want to hang out with you guys the last couple of nights?"

"Clay isn't into that."

Conversation is at a lull now. The reasons is because my mind is being evil. It's forcing me to think of doing inappropriate things with Spencer. If I opened my mouth to speak, something perverted would come out. Thankfully, the waiter has come to deliver our food. I adjust in my seat to give him room to lay the plates down. I accidentally brush my foot against Spencer's ankle which apparently takes her by surprise because her knee shoots up into the table and sends my glass of water toppling all over me.

"Oh shit! I'm sorry. So sorry!" She has that warp speed down. Before I could even register what had happened, she was patting my stomach and chest down with a napkin.

I don't think that it's supposed to be turning me on but... "Spencer?"

She stops patting and blushes profusely when she looks up and notices my seductive smirk and raised eyebrow. "Sorry." She says again.

"I need to get out of this shirt."

Spencer smiles coyly. "You're room?"

"Lets go." I take her hand and briskly lead her to the elevator.


	5. Chapter 5 One of Us

**Chapter 5: One of Us**

If someone would have said 'Hey Ash. You are going to fall head over heals for a cute straight girl in Cancun.' I would have laughed. And then I probably would have had my way with you. Because that's who I am. I like sex. I enjoy it. I want to do it as often as I can and with as many sexy women that will have me. And really, how many wouldn't? I've never kept track of how many pairs of pants I've had my hands down or how many hands have been up my skirt. But you would be proud. OK, so maybe you wouldn't. To each their own.

The thing is, ever since Spencer smiled at me while leaning over that table at the club, I've felt different. Good different? I don't know. It's been extremely uncomfortable and yet exhilarating at the same time. I can't even begin to describe how her touch numbs me. At first, I was freaking the fuck out. She left that morning and I couldn't figure out why it hurt. I don't get sad over women. I'm indifferent to them.

This is crazy, no doubt. I have a shy, innocent, beautiful Spencer roaming around our suite. I'd be lying if I said that I didn't think about topping her every second I spend with her. How is she different than any of the other girls? I think it's the fact that I could want her over and over again. No, I know that I would. Even if she wasn't very good at the sex stuff, I would be content if she just looked me with those blue eyes for hours. And well... I'm a good teacher. So the bad sex wouldn't last for long, I'm sure.

But this is going to end. Badly. I can name a gazillion different reasons why this shouldn't happen. She's straight. She's a virgin. She's from Ohio. I'm gay. I'm a slut. I live in L.A.

"Do you have anything to drink?!" I hear Spencer call from the living room.

"I think they have soda or water in the mini bar in the cabinet under the t.v. Help yourself!" I yell back to her and slip a black tank top over my head.

"Is there anything stronger?!" I roll my eyes and take one last look at myself in the mirror before heading out of the bedroom.

I cross my arms and lean against the wall in the hallway. Spencer is bent over and rummaging through the mini bar, repeatedly pulling tiny bottles out to look at the labels and putting them back in. Her shirt has risen a bit up revealing her petite waste. Her shorts are hugging her ass in the most x-rated of ways. Nice. Oh, and I definitely don't miss the definition of muscle on her thighs and calves. I could just kiss every inch of her. Mind out of the gutter, Davies! I shake my head as if the thoughts will fall out.

"Why do you need something stronger?" She bumps her head on the cabinet. She didn't notice me come in. I suppress the urge to laugh.

She lifts her hand and pulls off her hat to rub the spot she just wounded. "Because it's my last day here? Because I want to have fun?"

I walk over to Spencer and help her up. I motion for her to have a seat before pulling out two cans of Sierra Mists from the mini bar. When I turn around, I notice that she is sitting at the end of the couch, unconsciously playing with the arm rest.

I pop a can open and hold it out for her. As she reaches for it I clasp my fingers over hers. "You have to get drunk to have fun with me? Should I be offended?" I smirk.

She blushes, takes the drink from my hand, and looks down. "No..."

I plop down at the other end of the couch and stretch my legs out so that my feet are rested on her lap. She looks like she doesn't know what to do with her hands, so I help her out. "How are your fingers?"

Her head whips in my direction. "What?!"

I smile at the realization of how that just sounded. "I mean, how are they with rubbing?" Heh.

She just furrows her eyebrows and looks at me questioningly. "Um... massage?" Her eyes are asking for an explanation. I really am getting better at that. "My feet!" I look from her eyes to my feet for emphasis.

"You're asking me for a foot massage?" She leans over my legs to set her Sierra Mist on the coffee table. Then sits back, unbuckles my sandals, and slips them off.

"They hurt from chasing you around the past couple of days." I pop open my can and take a drink.

Kneading the bottom of my feet with her knuckles she asks, "Why did you tell me your name was Logan?"

"I didn't." She stops and looks at me accusingly. "You just assumed. I didn't correct you." Shrug. "Anyway, your brother was hitting on me. And I didn't want to tell him my name. So..."

She starts massaging again. "So why Logan?"

"Logan is my best friend. It was the first name that came to me."

"Where do you live?" I realize that this is the first time she has asked me anything remotely personal.

"Los Angeles." She stops massaging.

After a long silence, "Just you and your mom?" Wow. Throw out the big guns on just the second question. I fidget a little and she notices. She affectionately caresses my feet with her hands.

"Yeah."

"Where is your dad?" OK. So maybe this conversation stuff isn't all that it's cracked up to be.

"He's dead. His tour bus wrapped around a pole in Minneapolis during some blizzard a few years ago." I fucking hate him for dying.

She gently picks my feet up and scoots them off of her lap in front of her, grabs my soda and puts it on the coffee table, then pulls me up and wraps her arms around me in a tight hug. I start to cry. Oh. My. God. Stop crying, you baby! What the hell? You do not cry. You do not cry in front of gorgeous blondes. How can I have gone from purposely initiating some action by having Spencer give me a foot rub to being comforted into a sobbing mess?!

"Shhhh." She's rubbing circles on my back. I'm trying to remember the last time that I was hugged like this. When someone cared enough to rock me gently and tell me it will be OK with their warmth. But I can't remember it happening at all. She pulls her head back and searches my eyes for something. But I'm a mess and I don't want to attempt eye conversation now. I look down; defeated.

"Ashley?" My head shoots back up to look at her. This time I'm ready for my eyes to speak. They tell her that I'm scared. She just said my name for the first time and I'm fucking pissed that I didn't tell her my name to begin with. Because when she said my name, it was the most beautiful name in the world. And I've never liked it before. They tell her I'm terrified. Frightened that when she said my name, my first thought was 'I could love you'. "It's OK." But it's not. Because you leave tomorrow. And then I won't have uncomfortable comforting hugs anymore.

She massages my tears into my cheeks with her thumbs and then leans in to give me a chaste kiss on the lips. I watch as her tongue licks her top lip to taste the salty liquid I just left there. I've been tingling this entire time. But suddenly I'm tingling in the place that counts. What?! Don't pretend like I haven't explained my sex drive already. "Spencer?" I say in a breathlessly husky voice I must have only reserved for this one person before me, as I've never heard it before.

"What?" I tackle her so that she is lying flat on her back. I'm laying on top of her, holding my weight up with my arms on each side and she adjusts herself underneath me so that we are more comfortable.

"I wish you weren't leaving." I'm memorizing her face all over again. Because Sober Spencer looks slightly different than Drunk Spencer. Slightly more beautiful if possible.

"Me too." She's looking at my lips with anticipation.

"Are you sure you want this?" I need to make sure it's OK. That she's OK.

She takes a deep breath and nervously nods, still intently looking at my mouth.

My arms bend as I slowly lean in to kiss her. I'm so close I can smell her scent. Some type of vanilla lotion that will be forever etched in my nostrils. Her mouth is slightly parted and inviting. The space framed by delicious, full shaped lips. Spencer Carlin is pure perfection...

_Grumble._

I straighten my arms and pull back smiling. "What was that?!"

She sheepishly grins and looks down between us. "Nothing." She raises her arms up and cups her hands around my neck. "Come here." She pulls my head in to kiss me.

_Grumble Groooowl. Gurgle._

I pull back again chuckling. Her loud stomach is definitely not my friend right now. "Make it stop." I whine and duck my head in frustration.

"Um, I didn't get to eat breakfast, remember?"

"_I _didn't eat breakfast and _my_ stomach isn't interrupting me from rocking a girl's world!" I joke. Yeah, I've had better jokes before. Whatever. Spencer is to blame. I'm realizing she kind of takes the cool out of Ashley.

"You're going to rock my world?" She says unconvinced.

"I'm trying to! But your stomach is ruining the mood." Pout.

She grabs fist fulls of my hair and forcefully pulls me down into a searing kiss. OK, mood not ruined.

_GrooOOOooooooowl. Grumble. Growl._

I completely relax my arms and fall on top of her in resignation while she giggles. I bury my head and talk into her neck. "Food?"

"Food." She kisses the top of my head and maneuvers herself from underneath me to stand.

I mumble into the couch. "I hate you, stomach." What?! It totally betrayed me.

--------------------------

"It's beautiful." Spencer whispers.

I rest my chin over her shoulder so that our cheeks are pressed together. She lets out a content sigh and leans back into my chest. I tighten my arms around her, bonding us together. I'd like to watch the ocean every evening with her.

"I'm glad I spent my last day here with you."

"Awww. I had fun too, Spence."

She tilts her head sideways to look at me for a second, then turns back to face the water.

"What?"

"You just called me 'Spence'."

"Is that OK?"

She shrugs.

We sit there in silence until the sun sets and darkness surrounds us. The setting couldn't be more perfect for a romantic Hollywood blockbuster. We have this little area of the beach to ourselves. Tall dry grass hides us from the rest of Cancun. As if this was our little oasis; our spot. I don't want this night to end. I want more time with my tingler. But I know I won't get that so I convince myself to be happy that I can just hold her tightly at this moment and think about how this has been one of the best days of my life.

After we left my suite, we went back to the Cafe to eat lunch. We talked about anything and everything. Well, she wasn't all that forthcoming about her life, but I couldn't blame her. I don't think I could have handled it to be honest. I know that this is our last day together and revealing too much would be almost real and she doesn't want to make it any harder on us. I found out that lilies are her favorite flower, she hates Justin Timberlake with a passion, wants to have at least three kids someday, and that her Mother is a religious freak. Not my words. Hers. But I accepted them because that was about the only personal information she had offered.

Then we went downtown and checked out tons of street vendors. She wouldn't let me buy her anything, to my dismay. I just wanted to give her something to remember me by and she wasn't having that. After, we drove here to the beach and walked for awhile before we found this incredible private area of sand that was made just for us. As if fate had drawn a map to the place that would alter the course of our lives forever.

"What are you thinking?" She interrupts my thoughts.

"That this was one of the best days I've ever had."

"Really? Your life is boring." She laughs.

"You're boring!" I playfully push her forward.

She turns around to lock eyes and I'm drowning again. The way the moonlight is reflecting in them makes her look like an angel. And I'm convinced that she is an Angel that was sent here to save _me_.

"You're perfect." She leans in and kisses me. Sweet, yet passionately at the same time.

Never breaking the kiss, I reach for the blanket behind her and cover us up to our shoulders as I pull her down to lay on top of me.

She pulls away, trembling a little. "I don't know what to do."

I turn us over so that she is laying on her back. "I'll show you." I slowly lift her tank top over her head, making sure to keep my eyes on hers in case they tell me to stop. I'm glad when they don't. "You're beautiful, Spencer." She gives me a smile that lets me know this is OK.

Her arms reach behind me, grabbing at the material of my shirt, and pulls it off. She whispers so timidly that I can barely hear her, "I want to see you."

I pull the blanket away just a little bit to find the backpack that I brought. I unzip it and grab a flashlight and turn it on. Throwing the blanket over us completely, I sit up so that I'm straddling her hips. I pull the flashlight up to my chin, point it up, and make a face. "Rawr!" She belly laughs, grabs the flashlight out of my hands and sticks the base into the sand so that it still illuminates us in our safe haven; under our blanket. Sliding her fingers under the material of my bra, she looks up at me and her eyes tell me exactly what she wants to see. I reach around and unclasp my bra. She reaches up to my shoulders and slides the straps down so that it falls to her stomach.

She's so cute when she bites her lip like that. I take her hands and place them on my breasts, knowing that she wanted to but was afraid. As she starts to massage my nipples with her thumbs, I close my eyes and moan lightly. She stops, which worries me. "Are you alright?" She nods but doesn't say anything.

I lift her slightly, unhook her bra, and slide it off. She instinctively crosses her arms to cover her chest. I scoot down to lay in a way that my head is level with her breasts. I remove her arms and kiss the top of her left breast, then the top of her right, in between, and then I look up to her. She has a child-like grin on her face. If you could only see it. She is VERY shy right now, and I'm so glad that I waited for her to not be drunk. Because I don't think this moment could be any more cute. Any more perfect. I take one of her nipples in my mouth and she jerks. I can feel her hands grab on to my head urging me to continue. I give attention to her other nipple for a little bit. She tastes like... Spencer. That's the only way to describe it.

She pulls me up and lustfully kisses me. My hand makes it's way down her torso, stopping at her bellybutton to trace circles around it the way I wanted to last night in the hotel hallway. She whimpers lightly but only kisses me harder. I unbutton her shorts and drag the zipper down. I pull away from the kiss and look at her for approval. She lifts her hips, granting permission. I slowly pull of her shorts and underwear at the same time. She closes her legs as soon as they are off. I couldn't hold back my chuckle, but she doesn't seem to mind as she giggles right along with me. I take the moment to undress the lower half of myself before softly placing my hands between her knees to open them. As I begin to spread them, she covers her face with her hands. So adorable.

I look at her. All of her. I've never been this intimate with anyone. I've never felt what I'm feeling. I lay down on top of her so that our centers meet. I reach up, remove her hands from her face and place them above her head. I give her a peck of a kiss while entwining our fingers together. I slowly begin to move so that our wetness glides rhythmically together. "Does that feel good?"

"Uh huh."

I rest my forehead against hers and move one of my hands in between us. She quietly gasps and thrusts her hips up for more contact. I slip two fingers inside her folds and gently massage her clit. She is shaking pretty heavily now, so I stop and kiss her so that she can regain control of herself. After about a minute, her body has relaxed again, so I continue. I slip only the tip of my middle finger into her opening and then out again. I'm testing the waters. I don't want to go too far with her. But when I remove it she pushes her hips up into my hand again, and I know she wants more. I enter her completely. "You feel so good, Spencer."

"Mmm Hmm." She has shut her eyes and can't get words out. But I'm still staring intently at her eyelids in case she needs my eyes to anchor her at some point.

I can feel that she is getting close. Her walls are clamping down on my fingers. And as her nails dig into my back, and she starts to spasm erratically, I know that she has arrived. I help her ride out her first orgasm until her body is still. I pull my hand out and wipe it on the towel beneath us before running my fingers through her hair. After a few moments, she opens her eyes. "Wow." She smiles at me appreciatively.

"That good?" I give her a quick kiss.

"It was OK." She smirks.

"Whatever."

We're comfortably getting lost in each others eyes and enjoying this moment.

"This feels perfect, doesn't it?" Nothing has ever felt this good.

She frowns a little. Frowns? "Ashley..."

"Don't." I interrupt her with another kiss.

"I have to go." She pushes me to her side and starts picking up her clothes.

"What? Why?" What just happened? What did I do?

She sighs and doesn't answer. She's putting on her clothes. So I hurry to put mine on, too. I don't want to be stuck here naked when she decides to take off on me.

"Spencer, talk to me. What's wrong?"

She looks at me. It looks as if she is memorizing me. As if this is the last time she is going to see me. This can't be happening. "I have to get back." She stands up and walks away.

And true to any habit, I am forced to run after her again. "Stop! Please?" I grab her wrist and she turns around to face me.

"This is too much. It can't be more than this, Ashley."

"I'm not asking for more. I'm just asking you stay." I move in to try and hold her, but she puts her hand out to stop me.

"I can't." She shakes her head. She won't look me in the eyes, but I can see that they are wet because the moon is catching the liquid forming there.

We stand there for what seems like an eternity. I don't know what to do. I want to convince her to stay. I don't want her to walk out of my life. But there's nothing that I can do. I undo my necklace, grab her hand, and place it in her palm. "To remember me."

She closes her hand and places it in her front pocket.

"Give me something." I plead. I need to have something to remember her. I can't go back home and have nothing after this.

"Like what?"

"I don't know. Anything." I shrug. Looking around at nothing in particular. It's just that she won't look at me so I don't know what to do with my eyes. "Just give me something."

"I already did." She says softly before turning and running away.


	6. Chapter 6 Super Trouper

**Chapter 6: Super Trouper**

It should be against the law to be up this early. It's 7:30 in the morning and I have my head down on one of the tables in the quad of King High. Even the coffee in my hand doesn't have enough power to give me energy. It is illegal to torture, right? Clearly having classes start at 7:55 am is exactly that.

I can still feel the music beating in my head. No, it's pounding. Why Logan agreed to my idea of ending the summer with a bang, is beyond me. Whatever. I definitely got banged. Just like I have every night since I got back from Mexico. Nothing like a little normalcy in life. Come on, It's only been a week. So that's what..? Only 6 or 7 times? Oh, but there was that one night. Twins.

"_Double Fresh, double good, come on and double it... Double your pleasure, double your fun with Doublemi-._"

"Proud doesn't look good on you." Logan plops up on the table next to me, taking a bite out of breakfast bar. "You still gloating about the _twin_kies?" Grrr. It was only funny the first 100 times she called them that.

I sit up, stretch my back, and take a sip of coffee. "I was thinking about gum." Duh.

"You look like shit." As her best friend, I should tell her that seeing her talk with her mouth full is excruciatingly nauseous to witness.

"And I s_till_ look better than everyone here." Only stating facts.

She pats my head before crumpling up her wrapper and trying to make a 'shot' into the trash can. "There's the Ash I love."

I look up to her quizzically. "Did she go somewhere?"

Slumping down the table she straddles the bench I am on to face me. "I think she got lost in Cancun." Why does she have to use the 'sincere' voice right now? She only uses it when she wants to have a deep discussion. But I can't talk about that.

"Not right now, Log."

"Ash, you're avoiding this." She tugs my chin in her direction so that she can look me in the eyes. "You have to talk to me about Spencer."

I look around the quad at the ocean of people walking and weaving about. Ocean. Huh. Why do I need to talk about her when everything reminds me of her? "Not here."

"Where, then?" She sighs in frustration.

The bell rings and I have to squeeze my temples to ease the painful vibration it is causing in my head. "Meet me at my locker at lunch." I owe her the discussion. I won't be able to tell her everything, but she is the only person in my life that means anything to me. So I need to throw her a bone. If only to not push her away.

"Ash, it's the first day. I don't even know where _my_ locker is." Oh right. I seriously drank too much last night. Damn this coffee for not working.

I grab my messenger bag and offer her my hand to help her up. "Follow me." I say huskily as I raise my eyebrow.

She playfully bumps her hip into mine. "That only worked once. You're _so_ not tapping this again."

I laugh genuinely for the first time since I've been back as I watch her lightly smack her ass.

-----------------------

Someone put me out of my misery. Please? It's only lunch and I already feel like I've been here a week. I don't know how I'm going to make it through my last year of high school. I hate everything about this place. The stupid cliques and fake people. Everybody out to impress each other in an attempt to climb some invisible social ladder. My ladder was pulled out from under me the beginning of my Sophomore year. The summer before, we were all partying at Aiden Dennison's house one night. I was pretty tanked. All I remember is playing a game of spin the bottle, Logan having to kiss me, then later Aiden walking into his room and finding us in a compromising position. He told all of our close friends and word travels fast. That incident was what secured Logan and I as the school outcasts. She has always played it off and said that it doesn't bother her. But I know it does. I'd be lying if I said it didn't bother me. I am gay. Everything people say about me is true. But poor Logan is straight. Even though I was drunk, and don't remember, I'm sure it was me that crossed the line and took advantage of her. I've always felt responsible for her-

_Uuumph._ What the hell? Someone has run into me with enough force to send me head first into my locker.

"Why don't you look where you're going?!" I scream as I rub my forehead and turn around.

"If it isn't the queer bitch of King High..." Oh great. Just who I wanted to see. Madison Duarte.

"Move along Wilbur." I try to shoo her away with my other hand. "I'm sure there's a spider around here that needs befriending."

Just as Madison charges toward me, Logan slips between us and pushes Madison away. "Back off!"

Madison looks her up and down before flashing me a cocky smile. "Cute. You're dyke lover to the rescue."

Logan clenches her fist and cocks her arm back in preparation to throw a punch, but I grab her arm to stop it and whisper in her ear, "Don't. You'll get expelled."

Without a word, she slams my locker shut and grabs my hand to drag me toward the parking lot.

I had to listen to Logan bitch about Madison the entire drive. She didn't stop when we went to grab food from Subway. She didn't stop when I turned up the stereo to drown her out. And she still hasn't stopped, even though we've been sitting in this park for 10 minutes. It's not surprising that I'm almost finished with my sandwich and she has only managed a few bites. I can't take anymore talk of Madison, so I dramatically sigh and lay on my back. "Stop it! I can't take it anymore!"

She eyes me awkwardly, takes a bite, and talks with her mouth full. "What?"

"I thought you wanted to talk about me." I really didn't want to have a discussion about Spencer. But anything is better than hearing about Madison for my entire lunch break.

"I do." It wouldn't be Logan if she didn't eat while talking. I think that's why I never confront her about it. She swallows. "So tell me all about it."

"What do you want to hear?"

"Everything." Why is she so difficult? I don't even know where to start.

"Ask me something specific."

"Where did you meet?"

"At a club."

She rolls her eyes. "Figures." I slap her knee pretending to be mad. "So you just saw this girl, thought 'this is the one', and decided to kiss her?" She knows that's not what happened and I understand that she is just trying to move the conversation along.

I laugh. "No! She was drunk and hit on me. We danced. Went to the bathr-"

"Surprise, surprise!" She interrupts.

"Are you going to let me talk?"

Nodding her head, she lays down beside me.

"We were going to... but she got sick." I turn my head to look at Logan. Making sure she wasn't going to talk again. "Then her asshole brother wouldn't take her back to their hotel. And she didn't remember where it was, so I took her back to mine."

I keep expecting for Logan to make a joke but she doesn't.

"Oh, I forgot. She kissed me in the car outside the club."

"You let her kiss you?" I knew she wouldn't be able to resist that.

"Yeah, I already told you that we kissed. Whatever. It was more like she mauled me. I was just trying to put her seat belt on and she attacked!"

She turns her head and studies me pensively.

"What?" I don't like that she's looking at me like that.

"You were taking care of her."

"I was babysitting." I look back up at the sky.

"She told me she was a virgin and that she wanted me. But she was so innocent and adorable and making me feel tingly. I suddenly grew a conscious and just went to sleep."

"Wow."

"Yeah..." I close my eyes, remembering the next part. "Then she stormed out the next morning and I thought I'd never see her again."

"What did you do?!" She turns on her side to face me, propping her elbow up and resting her head in her hand.

"I let her go."

"No, stupid! What made her storm out?"

I grin. She's really going to get a kick out of this. "Well she kind of thought my name was Logan until my mom woke us up and started referring to me as Ashley."

"Why did you use my name? You're more creative than that!"

"First name that popped into my head." Shrug.

She smirks. "That's right, bitch. It's all about me."

I roll my eyes. "Anyway... next night, she was at the bar again, and this chick was all over her..."

"And you got jealous."

"I guess." I look at my watch. This is so hard to relive. Why can't it be time to go back? "So I just kind of swooped in and saved her. But she was drunk and I still wasn't going to take advantage of her."

Logan smiles sadly. I barely notice and continue.

"So she went to her room. But not before a hot make-out session in the elevator!" I gloat. I don't want her to know how intense it actually was. "Then the next day was her last day there. So I called and asked if she wanted to spend the day with me." I sit up and wrap my arms around my knees. "It was a perfect day." I say softly, as the memories flood my mind. "That night we went to the beach, and.." Even though I didn't get off, it was the best sex I'd ever had. "I gave her what she wanted."

I stand up and brush off my backside. Logan does the same.

"We'd better get back." I begin walking to the car.

She catches up and hugs me from behind, effectively stopping my movement, and whispers "I know you're leaving the good stuff out. The important stuff. I know you, Davies. Better than you know yourself." She squeezes tighter. "Did you fall in wub?" She sings and rocks me playfully.

About a minute passes as I ponder that question. "No. I don't know what it was. But it's over now. She walked away from me."

Logan releases her grip and turns me around. "Well If I ever see that cunt, I'll beat her ass for hurting you."

----------------------

_Brandon Blankenship._ Here!

Thank god this is the last class of the day. English. You know what makes it even better? This is the one class that Logan and I share together.

_Sandra Bradshaw._ Here.

But I guess she's leaving me to my thoughts after the talk we had earlier at lunch. She does know me better than anyone. And she was right. I haven't been able to think about anything other than Spencer Carlin since we got back.

_Spencer Carlin._

See? My mind has been playing tricks on me. Earlier, at my locker, I thought I had caught a whiff of her vanilla lotion. I knew that the scent would be etched into my nostrils. I'm always right about these kind of things. Now I'm hearing her fucking name.

_Spencer Carlin?_

What the FUCK?! I'm never going to Ego and getting shitfaced on a school night again. Even though I know it's just my mind playing tricks on me, and that I could quite possibly be going crazy, I let my eyes search the room for that beautiful blonde. I'm such a masochist. I know she's not here. I don't need to remind you how I can tell.

_Cynthia Cramer._ Present.

Heh. Logan's listening to her Ipod. No wonder she hasn't been paying attention to me. God. Can this day be over already?! I bury my head in my arms on my desk.

The classroom door opens.

_Tingle_

_Ashley Davies?_

Before I look up, I hear the sound of books dropping. And when I finally do look up, I'm staring into the eyes of none other than a beautiful, adorable and shocked Spencer fucking Carlin.

"Alive." I say with indignation.


	7. Chapter 7 Ring, Ring

**Chapter 7:** **Ring, Ring**

"I- I'm sorry I'm late." She shakes her head while bending down to pick up her books. "I just moved here and I-"

"That's OK, Ms...? Mrs. Rollins interrupts.

"Carlin. Yeah, um... I'm Spencer." She extends a free hand and greets the teacher.

I didn't realize how much I would miss that voice. It's low and husky. No, not husky. More like scratchy. Wait, not scratchy either. I don't know... I can't describe it. But it's cute and sexy at the same time.

"Alright, Ms. Carlin. Go ahead and take a seat." The teacher picks up her roll call sheet to correct Spencer's attendance.

"Thanks." How she manages to survey the entire classroom without looking at me, is a talent in itself.

The only empty desk is on the opposite side of Logan so she walks determinedly to it and takes a seat.

I'm thankful when Logan leans forward to surf through the songs on her Ipod, because I lean back in my chair and have a perfect view of the girl who walked away from me. The innocent tingler that asked me to take something so special from her. The gorgeous blonde that is staring intently toward the front of the class. And I wonder why that is? I can't take my eyes off of her and she won't even so much as glance over here.

_Cough_. I try to get her attention. She awkwardly adjusts in her seat.

_Ahem._ I clear my throat. Loud enough for Logan to hear it through her headphones. She looks at me with confusion before she follows my line of site, just now noticing Spencer. She rolls her eyes and shakes her head. I know that she is thinks I'm just checking out the hot new girl. She has no idea.

I'm frustrated now. I never thought I'd see Spencer again. She left me alone on that beach a week ago. What are the odds that she'd walk right back into my life? Why won't she look at me?!

I rip a piece of paper out of my notebook and put pen to paper. _Nice Necklace_, I write, before folding it up in one of those little squares that all high school kids learn to do sometime in their life. I lean over slightly and toss it on Logan's desk and nod my head toward Spencer indicating I want her to pass it over. She sighs and obliges my request, as any respectable best friend would do.

Spencer was surprised at receiving the note. I watch as she opens and reads it. She places the note flat on her desk and rubs the back of her neck, fiddling with the chain there, before scribbling something. She still hasn't looked at me and it kind of hurts a little. I mean, we had this incredible and intense connection in Cancun. We shared something so intimate. Something I have never experienced before. I would never admit out loud how far I had fallen for the girl that hugged, rocked, and comforted me on that couch in my hotel.

I couldn't even process what was going on at the time, everything happened so quickly. It wasn't until this past week that I really recognized it. I was hooking up with all these girls, trying to erase her. After the first night with a random, I felt guilty. As if I was cheating. I told myself that it was crazy to be feeling that way because I was not in a relationship with Spencer. She was in Ohio and had made it clear that whatever we shared was meant for Mexico only. The second night, I felt sad. The third, sore. OK, only because it was twins night and it got a little crazy. Anyway... the point is, I was sexing it up trying to find the old me. But what I realized was that I would never be that Ashley Davies again.

I'm taken out of my thoughts when I see the note plop back in front of me. I look to Logan and she is wearing a quizzical look. I shake my head, unfold the paper and read.

_Thanks_

Thanks? That's it?! All I want her to do is look at me. Have eye conversation or something. Anything that will tell me I wasn't just a straight girl's experiment. I couldn't be, right? I know that she had tears on that beach when she left. And she's wearing my necklace. She felt it too. She had to. I'm trying to think of something to write that will get her to look over here. I just want to see those blue eyes again. I want to drown in them the way I did in Cancun.

_It must have been REALLY good!_

I pass the note, smirking, remembering our exchange of words under the blanket on the beach that night. That should get her attention.

And it does. My face falls as her eyes bore into mine. Only this doesn't feel like drowning. This feels a lot more like dying. Because her eyes and subtle shake of the head tell me, _'It wasn't'_.

Our gaze is broken when Logan sits back in her chair, stretching her arms out and yawning. She looks to me and notices the sadness on my face. Then glances over at Spencer who is facing me with a similar expression. Logan slowly lowers her arms and leans forward, allowing us to resume our conversation.

And I wish she hadn't. Because it's all a one sided eye conversation anyway. Spencer is telling me things like 'It didn't mean anything to me', 'I'm straight', 'I'm only wearing your necklace because it looks good', 'You're sad and pathetic'... OK, so I can't even tell the difference between what she is telling me and my own thoughts anymore.

It's too overwhelming, so I look down at the floor.

_Ahem._ Spencer clears her throat and I immediately raise my eyes to hers again. She mouths the words _'We need to talk'._

I raise my hand. "Mrs. Rollins?"

"Yes?"

"I need to go to the bathroom."

"OK, come get a hall pass."

I stand up, looking at Spencer. I nod my head in the direction of the door, hoping that she'll get the hint.

-----------------------------

I'm sitting on the floor with my back resting against the wall when Spencer enters the bathroom. I didn't have to wait long. Maybe a couple of minutes. Just enough time for me to think of what I was going to say to her. Except that being alone with my thoughts only made things more confusing. I'm don't do relationships. Being attached to one person would never work. Besides... She doesn't want me. That much is clear. What the hell have I gotten myself into?

Spencer sits down beside me. She brings her knees to her chest and wraps her arms around them. We sit there in silence for a couple of minutes before she takes a deep breath and exhales loudly.

I start. "Why didn't you tell me that you were going to be in L.A.?"

I look over without turning my head and see her shrug. She picks at her fingernails without responding.

This is awkward and I hate it. Just a week ago she was sitting between my legs. I was holding her. Embracing her with some kind of emotion that I never knew existed within me. And today, we're sitting only inches from each other and I have never felt so far from her. Even further than when I thought she was in Ohio and I'd never see her again.

"Was I just an experiment?" I gain the courage to ask.

"L.A. is a big city." Huh? What does that have anything to do wi- "I didn't think I would see you again." Oh. She's answering my first question.. I give her a little time to answer my second question too, but she doesn't.

"Yeah. You were the last person I expected to see walk into my class!" We both laugh a little nervously.

"I'm sorry." She says so softly that I can barely hear.

"For what?" I match her volume.

She turns to face me, the side of her head leaning against the wall. With her eyes on me, I'm feeling the numbness of the tingles. They are more uncomfortable than ever before. And because she has magical powers, my body adjusts to face her as well. Her eyes are dancing all over my face. Even under these harsh fluorescent lights, they are mystically captivating.

"Ashley..." She whispers.

"Spencer."

She closes her eyes. "I'm not gay."

I can't take it. I don't want to hear this. I just need to feel her, if it's only for this one moment. I passionately grab her face and pull it against mine. Our mouths meet and she is unresponsive at first. My hands resist the pressure of her trying to pull away. Tilting my head, I slightly part my lips, sending her the message that I want to deepen this kiss. She opens her mouth to grant permission. But before I can convey what I'm feeling with my tongue, the bell rings and startles us away from each other.

She stands up and pats herself down trying to collect herself. Reaching her hand out towards me she says, "Give me your phone."

I pull my cell out of the holder on my right pocket and hand it to her suspiciously. She punches something into the keypad as girls start to enter and head to stalls and mirrors.

"I have cheerleading tryouts. I'll be home around six." She hands it back to me and walks out the door.

I open the face of the phone to see the contact screen still up. I smile and chuckle a little at the name she programmed into it.

**Tingler.**

----------------------------

"SPENCER, Spencer?!" Logan asks in shock.

We were at my house lounging around when Logan had decided to give me the inquisition about flirting with the 'hot new girl' in last period. I would have explained the situation to her before then, except that I was still kind of in shock about the whole thing. After picking myself up out of the bathroom earlier, I headed straight home. I wanted to avoid any contact with people. For some reason, I had this feeling that anyone who looked at me would be able to see that I wasn't the old Ashley Davies anymore. And I didn't want people to see that.

"SPENCER, Spencer." I confirm.

She rolls off the bed to lay down next to me on the floor looking up at the t.v. "_Doo DOO Doo doo, Doo DOO Doo doo."_ She sings the Twilight Zone theme.

I slap her with annoyance. "Shut up... stop!"

"Well? What kind of twisted universe do we exist in when shit like that happens?!"

I lay down on my back and rest my head on her butt. "I just can't believe she's here."

"So..." She flips through some channels. "You going to give her a booty call, or what?"

I close my eyes, a little disgusted at her choice of words. I don't want to think about whatever-it-is-we-have as a 'booty call'. But is that, in fact, what Spencer wanted all along? A quick fuck on vacation? Saying she's not gay, then implying I should give her a call?

"Maybe." I placate her with an answer. I can't help but be so vague. We didn't really discuss all the details of what happened in Cancun. She doesn't know that I took Spencer's virginity. That I held Spencer like I've never held anyone else before. That I gave her the necklace that my father had given to me on my birthday the week before he died.

"She IS hot. But I have to say that I'm surprised." She finds a channel that has 'Saved by the Bell' on and stops flipping.

"Surprised?"

She raises her butt as an indication for me to move so that she can sit up. "She just looks so sweet and innocent. I NEVER would have guessed her to be into girls." That makes two of us.

"She might not be." I cross my legs and lean against the front of my bed watching Zach talk into a ridiculously large cell phone.

Logan rolls her eyes as she starts to pick up her books and put them in her bag. "Whatever. She had sex with you."

"You had sex with me." I say this very nonchalantly. It's not a taboo subject between us.

But when I say it this time, Logan stops what she's doing and looks at me. "Right." She resumes packing things up before putting throwing the strap over her shoulder. "You should give her a call."

I look up to her and smile warmly. "You're a good friend."

"That's right, bitch." She smirks and walks out my bedroom door.

-------------------------

I totally got into that episode of 'Saved by the Bell'. Slater in a leotard was funny as shit. The audience was all screaming, laughing, and whistling. If that was on a show today, it probably wouldn't receive the same response, I mused. Everyone would be speculating that he's actually gay and debating on message boards whether they will expand his storyline and bring in a love interest.

I look at the clock. 11:30 PM. I'm not sure if I should call Spencer or not. I still don't know what to say and now it's probably too late.

The phone has been in my hand for the last hour. I've pressed 'send' and quickly hit 'end' so many times that I've quit counting. Why does she have this affect on me? Oh yeah, the powers. So why am I even pretending like I'm not going to call her? Laying back on my bed, I slip my legs under the covers, and press 'send' again.

_Ring. _

_Ring._

_Ring._

_Ring._

_Hello. You have been forwarded to an automated voice messaging system. Spencer Carlin is not available. At the tone, please leave a message._

"Hey Spence. It's me. Ashley. Um... give me a call if you want. You have my number now." I close the phone.

God. I waited too long. She's probably sleeping now and thinks that I'm an idiot for not calling her.

_Ring._

I look at the caller id to see who it is, but already have an idea.

**Tingler**

-----------------------


	8. Chapter 8 I wonder

**Chapter 8: I wonder**

"Hello?"

"Hey..." I love her voice.

"Spencer, Hi. I didn't wake you up, did I?"

"No. I was just here. Laying here." I close my eyes and picture her laying in my bed at the hotel.

"Good... Why didn't you pick up just now?"

"I was screening. It said it was from an unknown caller."

"Ah..." I've got nothing.

"I thought you would have called sooner." I did. A bunch of times. But she doesn't need to know that I was too nervous to let the calls go through.

"Yeah, well Logan was over here and I couldn't get rid of her." I partially lied.

An uncomfortable silence takes over, so I fidget with the hem of my comforter. There is so much we need to talk about, but how do you just start a conversation like this?

"Do you sleep with a lot of people?" Uh. That was completely unexpected.

"What?!" I scoff guiltily.

"I talked to Madison Duarte today at tryouts..." OK, now I'm just mad.

"Do you sleep with girls and tell them you're not gay, often?" I change the subject and she doesn't respond. "Hello?" Still no answer. "Spencer?" I look to the screen of my phone and see that it displays 'Call Ended'. _Sigh._

Well, that didn't go well. I internally scold myself for being so stupid. I press 'send' to redial.

She immediately answers. "What?!"

I sink deeper into my bed and turn over so that I'm laying on my side. "Spencer, I'm sorry. I'm just so bad at this." I say genuinely.

She takes a moment and exhales before speaking. "Bad at what?"

"Talking." I admit.

"Lets just promise not to get defensive or anything."

"And not hang up on the other person?!" I joke.

"And not hang up."

"OK..."

"So I'll start by answering your question. I told you that I've never been with anyone else. Why would you ask me something like that?" She sounds so timid and vulnerable.

I roll my eyes at my stupidity. "I know. It's just that... I don't know why I said that." And now I'm frustrated because I can't find words. There is so much that I want to say, but there are no words for it. This is why I don't do conversations in the first place. Suddenly I feel obligated to return the honesty. "And yes, I've slept with a lot of people." I figure I'd better just get that out there so it doesn't come back to haunt me later.

"How many?" She asks tentatively.

"I honestly don't know." Her silence tells me that the answer isn't enough, but I've never counted. So I stress the words, "A lot."

It's funny how I've never had a conscience before. If anything, I would have worn my promiscuity badge proudly. Knowing that I could get laid by pretty much anyone I wanted was always something I prided myself on. Maybe even gloated about to others. But in this moment, right now, I've never been more ashamed or scared of the consequences.

"It wasn't just an experiment." Wow. She is all over the place. It's cute. "But..."

"But?" I usually like butts. But I have a feeling I'm not going to appreciate this one.

"I'm not-"

"Spencer." I interrupt. "If you're going to say that you're not gay, I'm going to scream!" I realize that I might have got a little defensive. And we said that we wouldn't. "You have no idea how inadequate that will make me feel after what we did!" I joked playfully to lighten the mood. But it's the truth.

"Believe me, you shouldn't feel inadequate." Did she just...? "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that."

"I don't get you." And I don't. I tell her she's straight and she says that I'm not so smart. She tells me she wants me, we have sex and then she walks away. She comes back into my life and tells me that she's gay. She lets me kiss her and tells me to call her. Now she's flirting. She is fucking with me.

"I'm just confused, Ashley."

"Clearly." Bipolar tingler. Figures I would fall for one of those. "Look, Spencer... I need to tell you this." Why do I need to tell her this? "I like you."

"I like you too."

"No, I mean... I LIKE like you." Oh god. How old am I? Smooth, Davies. And why isn't she saying anything? "Shit. Forget I said that."

She sighs. "I LIKE like you, too." For the second time in my life, I feel my heart drop. "But it can't be-"

"I know. It can't be more than this." I quickly say, knowing very well those were the words she used on the beach that night. If I were being completely open, I would tell her that I had that statement on repeat in my head for the last week. I am feeling a bit rejected. But partly relieved at the same time. What was I hoping for, a relationship? I don't even think that's what I want. I wouldn't even know what to do in one of those. She likes me. And that should be good enough for now.

"Can we just try and be friends?" I can hear the hope in her question.

"Yeah, sure." I'll give it a shot. Do friends kiss? "Are you sure you'll be able to keep your hands off of me?"

"I'll try!" She laughs.

After that, we settled into easy conversation, much like our day in Cancun. Only this time she wasn't as guarded about her life. We talked for about three hours. I never wanted to hang up. I just loved hearing her voice and learning little facts about Spencer Carlin. Things I would store away in the memory bank for later retrieval.

-----------------------------------

"Don't _friends_ usually say 'Hi'?" Logan says with a mouth full of dry Cheerios.

"Not always." I don't really care that she didn't say 'Hi' or whatever. She's with Madison and her followers. God forbid I would have had to share breathing space with them. I might have caught something.

"I'm just saying... She doesn't seem very _friendly_." She hands me the baggy her cereal is in.

"Why the fuck do you always talk with your mouth full?!" I snap at her. Her shocked expression turns to indifference as she takes the baggy out my hand and walks off.

Wait. She's walking towards Spencer. This can't be good. Just walk on by. Don't talk to her. Don't talk to her. Great. She's talking to her. And now Spencer is looking at me. Don't look at me! I don't think I can do eye conversation this early in the morning across the quad. Good. Watch Logan yell at Madison. Why are you walking over here now? OK, Davies. Look busy. As if you weren't staring at her the whole morning. Coffee cup. Yeah. This brown thingy around it looks interesting! Look, it swivels around the cup.

"Is she always that forward?" Says the tingler in that oh so sexy voice as she sits down too close to me and leans back against the table.

"What did she say?" God, what did she say?! I will kill her.

"Hmmm." She throws me a sideways glance. "I think her words were, 'Hi, I'm Logan. I don't want to hurt you. So go say 'Hi' to your _friend_'?"

"Oh god." I am going to kill her. "I"m sorry, Spencer. She's... just protective." And a bitch. She is so dying right after this.

"I was going to come and talk to you before class. I just had to talk to Madison about getting a ride after practice."

"Whatever." Really. This coffee tastes so good. "And if you ever need a ride... you can always ask." I'd hate for you to have to burn your clothes after sitting in her slut mobile.

No, don't turn and look at me. I can't just be a friend when your eyes are boring into mine like that. And stop them from telling me that you want to be more than a friend. I can't stand that you are confused and sending me mixed signals. Do all of your friends get lost in your eyes like this? I hope you don't send them all tingles. Because that would be uncomfortable for them and all.

"Does she know?" Huh? You can't just say important things with your eyes and then ruin it with talking.

"That we're friends?" What? Don't look at me like I'm stupid. I know what you meant. I'm just avoiding it. Because that isn't a question that friends ask.

"No. You know..." Yeah, I know. I must really suck at the eye talking thing.

"Yeah." Because I really can't lie to her. And I will have to figure out why. Maybe there is something on the Internet about that.

"Hey, Spencer." I knew this would happen. Talking to Spencer equals sharing air with Madison. I'll schedule a doctors appointment after school. Just to be on the safe side. I want them to catch it before the disease gets too serious.

"Hi, Maddy." Maddy? I was friends with Madison for 9 years. I never once called her that. Yeah, scoot away from me, Spencer. And look guilty, too. I can't handle this. I'm out. OK, so the bell rung. But I'm still cool for walking away without saying anything. Awesome Ashley Davies. Badass Ashley Davies. Hot Ashley Davies. That's right. I've still got it.

"Maddy, I think Ashley is going to give me a ride after school!" Spencer yells across the quad. When did she catch up to me? It's that warp speed again. "Is that OK?"

"Sure." OK, good. Locker. Distraction.

"Ashley, don't open that right now-"

"What's this?" I point to a necklace. The one that was mine that I gave to her. The one that should be her necklace, but apparently isn't because it's in my locker.

"You're necklace." I'm glad that is confirmed.

"Why is it in here?" I hope you just want it engraved or something. You know... Spencer and Ashley. BFF Forever. Yeah.

"Can we not talk about this right now? I don't want to be late for class." Damn her blue eyes. Just like I can't lie to her, I can't tell her 'No' either.

"OK..." Because that's all I have time to say as she heads off to class.

-------------------------

If you would have told me a week ago that I would be sitting in the gym watching cheerleading practice, I would have laughed in your face. I've had the urge to walk out of here on several occasions, because some things are just not worth it. Unfortunately, one thing is worth it, and she is the reason that I am stuck here having to suffer through 'SexyBack' on repeat.

_Bzzzzz._ I pull my cell from the holster to check the text message.

_**Where are you?**_ Shit. I forgot about Logan.

_**In gym. Giving Spencer ride home.**_ I reply.

I wonder if it's just my imagination that my tingler friend keeps looking at me at the line _'It's just that no one makes me feel this way'_.

Bzzzzz. _**WTF? I'm here at your house.**_ Whatever. She deserves it for that stunt she pulled this morning.

_**Sorry.**_ What? I'm not going to have a text fight. Besides, it's distracting me from my Spencer watching.

"OK Girls! That's it for today. Same time tomorrow. Don't be late or I'll kick your sorry asses off the team!" If I could rip out Madison's vocal chords, I would. Her voice is that annoying.

Spencer grabs her bag and walks to the gym door. She turns around and calls out to me. "Are you coming?" Ha. Not yet.

I make my way down the bleachers. "Yeah. Hold up."

--------------------------

I never go into girl's bedrooms. I mean, I don't really do that. What's the point? If I let that happen, then it would be too personal. And I get what I want in bathrooms, in alleys, in cars, and on a beach... That's why it is so weird to be sitting on Spencer's bed right now. Her room is so... girly. Honestly, I feel like a pedophile. I'm stupid hot over a girl that has teddy bears on her pillows. A gorgeous blonde that has a frilly pink comforter. A poster of... Kelly Clarkson? Seriously?!

"Hey." Spencer walks in with two glasses of tea.

"Hey." I'll pretend that your fingers didn't just send spasms down my legs when they touched mine as you were handing me this drink.

"Thanks for giving me a ride home." Maybe I have powers. If I did, I would make her sit over here by me instead of at her desk. Focus. Try. Focus.

"Yeah, no problem." SO not working. _Sigh_. "Where did you get that scar that's on your knee?"

She looks at me with a devious grin, "Ashley Davies! Were you looking at my legs?" Um, yeah. But I really just have always wondered about that scar.

"No. I noticed it when we we were on Vacation." Because friends don't look at other friend's legs. Right? I don't know anymore. This is all too confusing.

"There's not really a cool story behind it or anything." So?

"So?" I just really like hearing her talk.

"Glen and I were fighting in the kitchen. He threw a fork at me and I then slipped on something and fell right onto it."

"Really?! Come here. Let me see." I set my glass of tea on the nigh-stand as Spencer sits next to me and raises her leg onto the bed so that I can get a better look.

"Oh my god! I can totally see the fork marks!" Funny scar. I wonder why I hadn't noticed that before. I guess you just would never assume that someone would had fallen on a fork.

"It's ugly! Not attractive at all." She looks up and locks eyes with mine.

"It's not- You're not- " Don't say it. "You're beautiful." Damn.

That smile. OK, I'll say that again and again and over again if it will always make her smile like it's meant for only me.

"Ashley..." Spencer, don't ruin the moment. I'm leaning in to kiss you because I want to. And I don't know why that is. How I could never want to kiss anyone and then all of the sudden can't think of doing anything else with you. Except for maybe driving you home everyday after practice. Or exchanging notes with you in class. And maybe we could talk on the phone every night. God, your breath smells like.. like Altoids. Altoids? Wait a minute!

"Spencer?" I pull away.

"What?" She says softly. She's looking at my lips and it's hard for me not to attack hers.

"You have Altoid breath."

"You're smart."

"Did you plan for this to happen?" Like that night when she mauled me in my car in Cancun?

"You're not so smart." She leans in to kiss me but I don't want to kiss her now. Because I'm confused. And I hate that she is doing this to me. So I cup her entire face with my hand as I push her away.

"Why did you give back the necklace?" I need to know. And we need to stop playing these games.

Don't sigh at me, Spencer.

"Why?" I raise my voice a little bit. But only because she must have not heard me before as she didn't answer.

"Because you gave it to me so that I could remember you." Exactly. I don't get her.

"And...?"

"Now I don't need to remember you. Because you're here." That sounded sweet. Was it supposed to be? Screw these feelings that don't know what the hell is going on anymore!

"But I gave it to you. I wanted you to keep it." It was important to me. And for some reason bipolar tinglers are important to me.

"Well maybe you can give it to me again sometime."

_Roll eyes_. Why would I give her something I've already given her that she's already given back? I can't stand this. And I'm realizing that I can't stand a lot of things about Spencer. So why do I still like her and want to kiss her and make babies with her? OK, so maybe not make babies. But they'd be hot babies, you have to admit.

"I've gotta go. I was supposed to meet Logan." And I'm up and out the door. Because If I would have stayed, I would have kissed her. And that's messy and complicated. Especially since I know she LIKE likes me. That she planned on kissing me with her Altoid scented mouth. Even though she says she's not gay and only wants to be friends.

_Oooomph._ Fuck! All I want to do is get out of here. Why did I have to run into...?

"Logan?!!" Oh shit. Glen.

"Glen! How are you?" Quick. Run.

"Doing good! I can't believe you're here! Do you live here? Were you just with Spencer?" What is with the inquisition? Damn.

"Um... Yeah..." The door is just right there. You can make it. "We go to the same school. Look Glen.. I'm late. I'll talk to you later."


	9. Chapter 9 Givin’ A Little Bit More

**Chapter 9: Givin' A Little Bit More**

_Bzzzzzzz._

"Oh my god! Will you just answer it?!" Logan shrieks from across our booth at Ego.

Why? So she can screw with me some more? No thanks. I'm done with that. I'm content with just spinning the phone around on the table by the antenna. I don't need another friend. I've got lots of friends. Kettle One, Kettle Two, Kettle Three, Kettle Four, Kettle Five, Kettle Six, and Kettle Seven. You get the picture.

She folds her arms on the table and leans forward. "What is that...the tenth call?!"

13th. But who's counting? _Drink._

"I don't like her." She says matter-of-factly.

That makes one of us. I really wish that made none of us. I think I could make fun of us. What? I don't know. My brain started thinking in rhymes two 'friends' ago. _Drink._

"Ash, you're a mess. And she's the reason." She reaches out and places her hand over mine.

That feels nice. I love Logan. She's so pretty. I wonder why I never noticed her piercing green eyes. They are pretty. They're even prettier up close. What? Do I have something on my mouth? She's trying to get it off, right? That has to be why her tongue is tracing my bottom lip right now.

_Bzzzzzzzz._

"Oh my fucking..." Logan flips open the phone. "..GOD!" She yells into the mouthpiece. "Yeah, she's here." Barely. "No, you can't talk to her!" No reason to be so harsh. "Yes, we're at a club!" _Drink._ "Yep. She's got one in the bathroom _right now_..." Oh NO she didn't! I grab the phone away from Logan and place it against my chest.

"Whatayou doon?" I manage to get out.

"Protecting you." She looks at me intently for a few seconds. "But I guess you don't want my help." She stands up, walks away and turns around to face me. "What are you waiting for? Talk to your fucking girlfriend already!"

I watch Logan storm out the entrance before placing the phone to my ear. "Huuullo?" I can barely hear her. "HeeeeeelloOOOo?" Why does she sound like she's in a tin can? Her voice is muffled and she's so tan. _Chuckle_. Ooooh. Shit! I had the phone upside down. "Speeeeensh you there?!" _Drink._

"Was she telling the truth?" Don't sound so sad, Spencey!

"Huh?" Why is this music so loud?

"Did you _go to the bathroom_?" Of course I have. I broke the pee seal on friend number two.

"Log hashe yooou." Spinning. Ugh.

"Why?" Because she loves me but I love you. Or something.

"I dunno." Why is there never water when you need it? "Heeeey, Spesher!"

"What?" Don't sound so disappointed.

"M'drunk." You know... In case I say anything stupid. I'm exempt.

"I can tell." Because you are smart. My smart girl from Cancun. You make me swoon. _Snort Laugh._

"Why you cull s'many times?" I already know it was just her way of sending tingles while not in my physical presence. They were her presents. _Giggle._

"What club are you at? I'll come get you." Why? Logan can take me... Oh yeah.

"Ego."

-------------------------------

That's right toilet. You are my friend. You are my best friend. I never want to leave you.

"It's OK, Ash." Toilet? You can talk? OH wait. It must be the sexy voice behind me with magic fingers massaging my shoulders.

"Spencher?" Mmmm. She needs to stop that, or I'll pass out right now. Feels. So. Good.

"Yeah?" OK, so I never want to leave my bathroom. This is the best sick ever. Spencer fucking Carlin just put her arms around my waist and rested her chin on my shoulder. She is getting bolder! _Laugh._

"Why you doon this?" I don't care anymore. I'll be whatever she wants. I think she is all I want.

"Because I care about you." She gives me a quick kiss on my ear. "Lets get you up and into bed."

I turn around slightly and she locks her arms under my armpits to help me up off the floor. It's been too long since I've been this close to her. After fumbling our way toward my bed, she sits me down and stands between my legs. I can't let go of her. I just need more time to hold her. I lay my head into her belly and she runs her fingers through my hair, gently caressing my scalp.

"I don wanchoo t'leaf" I mumble into her stomach.

"I don't want you to be with other girls." She lovingly takes my hands from behind her back and raises them. "Keep them up." I feel her taking my shirt off. I close my eyes and remember the first time we undressed in front of each other. "Stand up." She helps me up before unclasping my belt, unbuttoning my skirt and slipping them down to the floor. I use her shoulders to steady myself and lift one leg after the other to step out of them.

I look into her eyes. All 4 of them. It's sensory overload, but I can't look away. "I don wanna be with other girlsh."

She smiles warmly before pulling my comforter down and guiding me into the bed. She carefully climbs over my body to lay beside me. "Ash?"

I would turn to my other side to look at her. But even though I am drunk, I can recognize that this moment is heavy. Too heavy for me. "Spench?"

"Call me." Huh? She reaches over to the nightstand, grabs my phone, and places it in front of my face on the pillow.

"Why? Yer right here." But I'll do whatever she says. So I'm pressing the button '1' and hitting send.

I hear the ringtone. _And I don't hardly know her. But I think I could love her. Crimson and Clover. _She pulls her phone out of her pocket and puts it in front of my face. I close one eye and squint to read the display.

**Incoming call from Tingler.**

She opens and closes her phone to disconnect before laying both of our cell phones on the night stand. She holds my hand and guides my fingers to trace her arm. "You give them to me, too." She says so soft and unsure. And I believe her, because I can feel her goosebumps.

"Why you tellin m'this?" The alcohol is winning now. Maybe it's the bed. Or perhaps the source of comfort next to me. But my eyes are shut, and I can't get them to open. And ALL I want to do is make them open, because I don't want this night to end. Ever.

She slides her body against mine, puts her arm around my waist, and nuzzles her nose against the back of my neck. "Because you won't remember this in the morning."

And with one last kiss to my ear, I fall asleep.

------------------------------

Remind me to never drink again. I know it's futile. I say that every time I have a hangover. But still! I don't even know what happened last night. All I remember is waking up in my room in my underwear. I didn't make it to school until after lunch. All I know is that Logan is pissed off at me because when I tried to talk to her she pushed me and said "Fuck you, Davies!" I really must have done something stupid last night.

But that's OK, I'm sitting here in English class next to Spencer. It's the last class of the day. I think I need to apologize for walking out of her house yesterday. I wasn't really mad. Just so fucking confused. I don't want her out of my life or anything. And if she just wants to be friends, I'm going to have to deal with that. "Spencer?"

She looks over to me and gives me a cute smile. She must not be too mad at me. "I'm sorry about yesterday."

"Yesterday?" She looks at me quizically.

"Yeah, for walking out on you. I want to be your friend."

"It's OK. What did you do last night?" Her eyes are searching mine for something. I hope she doesn't get mad that I went to Ego. But why should she? I just don't want her to think that I slept with anyone. OH god. Did I?

"I went to a club." She nods knowingly. Although I have no idea what she knows.

"OK, Class. Open your books to page 46. I trust that you all did your reading." Mrs. Rollins interrupts.

I pull out my phone to text Spencer. _**What are you doing Friday?**_

I glance over to Logan and she is still busy ignoring me.

Bzzzzzzz. _**Cheerleading. There's a game.**_

_**How about after?**_ I send.

Bzzzzzz. _**I'm going out.**_

_**Oh. With who?**_ It better not be with Madison.

_Bzzzzz. __**Aiden.**_ Worse.

"Mrs. Rollins?" I urgently shout.

"Yes, Ashley?"

"I don't feel good. I need to go home." I don't wait for a response as I grab my bag and hurry out the door.

----------------------------

I successfully ignored Spencer Carlin for the rest of the week. I blocked her phone number because I was tired of unwanted tingles being channeled through airwaves. Luckily, Logan came to her senses and started talking to me again. She wasn't happy that I wanted her to go to the basketball game with me. But like any whipped best friend, she agreed. You may say I am a masochist for wanting to be here. But if you saw Spencer in a cheerleading outfit, you'd be on my side.

"You're lucky that I love you!" Logan scoffs as she leans back and sprawls out across three rows of bleachers.

"You call it luck, I call it a curse." I joke as I try to make sense of the game that is being played.

"Why do you like her so much?" _Sigh._ I'm so tired of having this conversation with her. She has brought this up over and over again for the past two days.

"Why do you keep asking?!" I wonder how long until halftime. How many rounds are in basketball?

"I wouldn't have to, if you would stop avoiding the question." She stuffs a handful of popcorn in her mouth. Seriously. That girl never stops eating.

I shrug. "She's different."

"She's never going to let anything happen between you two." She's probably right. But I hate her a little for saying it.

"Probably not." Oh good. A buzzer. Halftime? I sit up straight to better focus on the court.

"You haven't hooked up with anyone since she's been here." She sits forward and puts her arm around me. "Lets go to Ego after this. It will get your mind off of her." Yeah, because that worked so well a few nights ago.

I lean back into her armpit. "OK."

And as if on queue, the cheerleaders run out of the locker room door kicking, jumping and waving pom-poms until they line up in a formation on center court. Spencer is looking beautiful in the front right corner. The music starts to play obnoxiously loud and feedbacky. Awww. It's our song. SexyBack. I watch her as she shakes her hips, spins around, and stomps every witch way in sync with the other girls.

_It's just that no one makes me feel this way. _

"She's such a tease. How can you stand that?!" Huh?

"What?"

"Oh, come on! She totally just eye sexed you during that line." Wow. So it wasn't my imagination, I guess.

"Whatever." I stop the conversation. Because if it's true I don't want to miss it when it comes up again.

Spencer is so frickin' adorable. Why is she going out with Aiden? If I wasn't an experiment and she LIKES likes me, why would she do that?

_It's just that no one makes me feel this way._ Oh yes. She is definitely looking at me. But those aren't sex eyes. They are saying something else. I have a lot of experience with the sex eye language and that isn't it. I smile at her and give her a nod. Shit. I wasn't supposed to do that. I'm mad at her and ignoring her. Awwww. But how can I be when she grins at me like that? They're walking off? They only do one song? What a ripoff! I'm SO writing a letter to the school board. I don't pay 7 bucks to watch cheerleaders and only get one song.

I stand up. "OK, lets go."

"Oh, you don't want to watch the rest of the game?" She teases.

Yeah, this dirty look is for her. "Come on."

She sets her popcorn down and we make our way out of the gym to my car. And wouldn't you know it? Guess who's there. Yep. Madison Duarte. OK, so maybe you didn't guess that.

"Well, well, well. Look who showed up to a school event." Have told you how annoying her voice is? "Sorry, didn't you see the 'No Dykes Allowed' sign?"

Logan gets dangerously close before I pull her back. "Madison, just go. We don't want to get into it with you."

"You could never get into this." She says as she waves her hands down her body as if she were showcasing a prize on the Price is Right. "Stay away from Carlin, Davies."

"Spencer is a big girl." Logan says as she struggles to break free from my grip.

"Madison, just leave." I'm starting to lose my patience.

"What's going on here?" Spencer asks tentatively as she walks up beside Madison. She looks so HOT in that outfit. God.

"Why don't you ask Madison?" Logan says to Spencer in disgust.

"Whatever, puta. I was just catching up with my dear old friend Ashley. But I'm over it now. Catch you ladies later!" She says bubbly as she walks back toward the gym.

Spencer and I find each other's eyes. It's been two days of ignoring her. I'm not going to lie. Those two days have been filled with quick glances and not-so-quick gazes. But I still miss her, kind of. I think her eyes are telling me she's missed me too. But as you know, I'm not that good at reading her.

"Um..." Logan awkwardly squeaks, trying to break our concentration on each other. It doesn't work. I really do get lost when Spencer looks at me like this. Like she's imploring me to stay here in front of her forever.

"I think I... forgot something... I'll um... I'll just let you two..." Logan doesn't finish her sentence before she walks away.

"Why did you come?" Because I missed you.

"I don't know. I've never been to a game. I thought I'd see what all the fuss is about." She has this thing where the fingers on her right hand play with the pinky on her left hand when she's nervous. She's doing that right now. And I want to kiss her.

She nods. "Why are you ignoring me?" Because you're going to go out with someone who isn't me.

"I don't know. I've never ignored you before. I thought I'd see what that's like." I'm such a loser. Because now she isn't looking at me. She's looking down. She isn't nervous anymore because her hands have dropped to her side. Now she just looks more like... disappointed.

"He's just a friend, Ashley." I don't care. What? I don't! OK, so I do.

"A friend like a normal friend? Or a friend like ME friend?" There is a difference. I never knew that until I met her.

Why is SHE sighing? "Why do you always do this?" Do what?

I just give her the 'Do What?' face because I'm kind of taken aback that she is trying to blame me for something.

"Sabotage us. _This_." She emphasizes the word this as if I should know what the hell '_this'_ even is.

"Spencer, I have to ask you something. Don't get mad." She doesn't say anything, so I take that as permission to continue. "Are you fucking crazy?"

"What?!" She says in a loud, yet angry whisper.

Before I have the chance to respond, Logan walks up. "OK, hope you two love birds got that straightened out." She looks back and forth between the two of us. She knows that we didn't. "Ash, lets go." She struts around the car and gets into the passenger seat, looking at me expectantly.

"Where are you going?" Spencer asks.

"To Ego." I respond guiltily. Although I shouldn't feel guilty about it. It's not like she's my girlfriend or anything.

Again, she nods at me knowingly. I don't particularly like it when she does it. Especially this time, when I know it's because she knows I'm probably going to get laid tonight. "Hope you have fun." She says kind of dejectedly before running off.

I hope _she_ doesn't.


	10. Chapter 10 Take a Chance on Me

**Chapter 10: Take a Chance on Me**

Logan was right. A night at Ego was exactly what I needed. The music is loud, the dance floor is crowded, and people are dancing dangerously close to us. So close, in fact, that it is forcing Logan and I to careen uncomfortably close to each other. But it isn't the first time. Most Friday nights are like this. Barely any breathing room. So I just get lost in the loud thumping of the bass rhythm and move in time with my best friend.

"I'm glad you came out!" She yells so that I can hear over the music.

"Me too!" I don't really feel like talking. I just want to dance. My brain needs a break.

"A lot of hotties here tonight!" I honestly hadn't noticed. What's wrong with me?

"Yeah." I turn myself around so that maybe she won't feel the need to continue conversing with me.

Bad idea.

It takes me a minute to catch my breath, which I had lost momentarily, due to the fact that I found my gyrating pelvis almost pressed into Spencer Carlin's ass. Realization quickly set in, so I changed the level of my dancing from expert to beginner as to avoid any advanced moves from accidentally brushing into her. What the hell is she doing here? I roll my eyes upward as if God will be there to give me an answer.

But I don't need help from God to know the answer to that one. She's on a date with Aiden. The stupid jock that I slept with my freshman year. The idiot that was supposedly my best friend until he told the entire school that he walked in on on me and Logan. The fucking asshole that is responsible for our social demise at King High.

Spencer turns herself around and doesn't look surprised to see me only centimeters away. I'm dancing with Logan and she's dancing with Aiden, but right now, it seems as if only Spencer and I exist on this dance floor. Her oppressive blue eyes are saying that she's upset with me. But her hips are contradicting her, because they are colliding with mine ever so subtly. It's taking every ounce of restraint to keep my arms from wrapping around her waist to pull her into me.

My eyes have to be saying _'I hate you. I hate you for making my life not enough anymore. I hate you for screwing with me. I hate you for the tingles. I hate you for going out with Aiden. I hate you.' _because I still haven't mastered the art of eye conversation. So they have no way of lying. I want to grab her and claim her. I want to tell her how much I hate her and how much I hate not being with her.

My eyes fall as I curse myself internally for knowing that it isn't hate at all. It's that other thing that I never wanted or asked for. That other thing that I can't say out loud because I didn't even know if it really existed until now. And I don't know what to do with that. But I do know what to do when I see Aiden's hands snake around Spencer's midsection.

I quickly turn around, grab Logan by the hips, and feverishly press myself into her. She accepts my advance willingly and reciprocates with an equally seductive move. Her hands reach between my arms and I feel her nails lightly scratching at the skin just above the hem of my skirt. This is so wrong. I lay my head into the crook of her neck as we continue to rock against one another. I can't do this.

As I raise my head with the intention of breaking our contact, I see Spencer. She's now pressed against Aiden's front, her head resting on his chest but looking at me with an expression of hurt that I haven't seen her wear before. I see her mouth the words, _'Don't do this._'

I nod. Because I don't want to do this. I just want to forget all of this. My past life, my past promiscuity, my past self loathing... I want to give myself to her and say things out loud that I never knew existed. In a place where only her and I exist.

Just as I witness the sweetest smile from my tingler, I feel hands possessively grab my face and pull me into a shockingly deep kiss. It doesn't last long, as I quickly maneuver my hands to Logan's chest and push her off of me. I look over to see Aiden giving a dumbfounded expression toward the entrance. I follow his line of site to see Spencer frantically pushing past people to get to the door. I know I should follow her. I know that. But the only thing in my mind right now is... "What the fuck?!" I yell at Logan.

--------------------------

"When did this happen?" I'm laying here on Logan's bed. My back pressed against the mattress and my eyes staring intently at the ceiling. If you cross your eyes in just the right way, the popcorn-like surface starts to move in patterns. Kind of like when you're on acid. Logan is laying next to me.

After watching her repeatedly grab drinks out of random people's hands and down them in .2 seconds at the club, I thought it would be best to take her home. You know, before they all got together to collectively kick her ass.

"Ash, just forget about it." She turns over on her side so that she is facing away from me.

"You kissed me and now it's awkward." She's my best friend. I don't want this to mess things up. Why did this have to get so complicated? "I'm not leaving." I turn on my side and prop my elbow up to lean my head on my hand and look at her.

"It's nothing. I'll get over it." She'll have to. God, this is so stupid! I mean, did I do something? Lead her on? I just don't get this at all.

"Logan, what can I do? How can I make this better for you... for us?" I really need to make sure that we can be OK. Be us. But not an US us. You know?

She flops back over to meet my eyes with hers. "You can love me."

I roll my eyes playfully and reach over to ruffle her hair. "How can I love you when I despise you?!" Jokes usually work, right? I'm bad at this.

I'm a little surprised when she places her hand on my waist in response. "I'm serious, Ash."

Brushing her hand off my waist, I roll back over onto my back. "I'm in love with Spencer." I turn my head to study her face for a reaction. There is none, so I look at the ceiling again. "I mean, I think I am."

We lay there in silence for awhile. I hear her breathing even out and I know that she is asleep. I carefully creep off the bed as to not wake her. Before I walk out the door I take one final look at her. She's beautiful. I let out a sigh that carries all the weight of our current situation. She's perfect in every way. I do love her and I feel my heart breaking a bit. I think I know that we will never be an us again. And I wish that I could give myself to her the way that she wants. Because I only want to make her happy.

But there are no tingles here.

------------------------------

I've never felt as alone as I feel right in this moment. I have nothing. I have nobody. I've sent a million text messages to Spencer. Only to be ignored just as many times. I don't have Logan. I don't have Aiden. I don't have Madison. I don't even have myself anymore. I'm not who I was two weeks ago. I've lost that me. Now there is a new me, but I don't even recognize her. All I have are these uncontrollable tears that are smearing my make-up and making me see blurry. Making me watch Spencer's window in a water covered daze.

I pick up a rock and toss it up against the glass. Please open the window, Spencer. Please.

I throw another. Nothing.

I search frantically for another rock. A bigger one. Something that will wake her up.

_Shatter._

Oh. My. Fucking. God! Could this night get ANY worse?! I'm running like I've never run before in my life. Toward my car that I parked down the street. And as fate would have it, I trip over a crack in the pavement. Stupid fucking heels! And I don't have the strength to get up. Like everything that has happened these past few weeks has me pinned to dirty concrete below. I'm sobbing and clutching my knee that was injured when I not-so-gracefully fell. Then I feel it. And it's no longer uncomfortable. _Tingle._ In the form of a hand on my shoulder.

"Ashley?" My heart pounds as I hear her beautiful voice.

I slowly look up to see Spencer kneeling beside me. I lock eyes with her and hope that mine say 'I love you'. Because I can't get any words out through this ugly cry. And I realize that it's so ugly because it's probably years worth of unshed tears and locked up cries since my father died.

"Spencer? What's going on? Is everyone OK?!" I hear a concerned man call down the street from the direction of Spencer's house.

She doesn't break eye contact. "Yeah, dad. Everything's alright. Go back to bed."

After we are alone again, she gently grabs a hold of my arms and pulls me up to a sitting position. She sits down in front of me and rests our foreheads together as she lets her hands fall down to cover mine. She is calming me but I can't stop the constant hiccups that are coming. And each one is followed by an annoying sniffle. She lifts one hand to rub the tears off of my face, before placing her lips to mine. We aren't kissing. We're just pressed together. Taking it all in. Feeling this. Breathing each other's air. Making us one.

I pull back, a little overwhelmed with emotion, and look down at our hands. "I need you, Spencer."

She raises my chin with her index finger and nods. Just nods. I know what she means by that. She's thinking about saying things out loud that she didn't know existed.

I pick myself up off the ground and pat some rubble off of my clothes and legs, before walking to my car. There are no exchange of words. I know she is coming home with me. I open the car door and sit down into the drivers seat. Laying my head against the steering wheel, I can't help but think of how full I feel right now. I was so alone and with just a few tingles, hand caresses, lips touching, and a nod... I feel more alive than I ever have before. But I can't help but think that somewhere across town, there is another girl, who is feeling just as empty as I was moments ago. I wonder if this is fair.

The passenger door opens, and I feel the car bounce slightly as Spencer takes a seat. Her seat. I turn my head to look at her and am met with a gorgeous smile that I know she has never bestowed upon anyone but me. I turn the ignition and apply pressure to the gas.

It might not be fair. But it's love. And I'm just now OK with that.


	11. Chapter 11 He Is Your Brother

**Chapter 11:** **He Is Your Brother**

"So this is my room." I nervously motion for Spencer to go in first.

Walking in behind her, I shut the door and admire her attire. She didn't change before we left and is wearing pink and white striped boxer shorts with a gray tank top, which is what I now assume she wears to bed every night. I love the definition of muscle in her legs. I'm sure I've mentioned it before. Mmmm. Her stomach. My favorite... Wait. Her stomach? That must mean she has turned around and is... My eyes bounce up to find she is looking at me.

"All better now?" She smirks and I'm sure I'm blushing due to the fact that I feel my cheeks rise in temperature about 100 degrees. I seriously lose at cool when I'm around her. I shake my head and smile sheepishly at being caught.

"Yeah, now that you're here." I walk over to the couch and push everything off to the floor. "Here, sit."

She sits down and I'm suddenly faced with conflict. Where do I sit? My mouth puckers to the left in concentration as my eyes dart from the end of the couch to the spot right next to Spencer. Luckily, she makes the decision for me by patting the space right next to her.

I obey her silent instruction and bring my left leg up between us to that I am facing her. "So." I lay my arm over the back of the couch and behind her.

"So."

Our eyes meet and we share a silent conversation. Mine tell her that I am glad that she is here. Hers tell me she is not sure what she is doing here. I'm just now realizing that we mostly communicate through glances, gazes, touches and body language. I want to be able to talk to her, but neither of us are good at it. We don't have the greatest track record when attempting to have an honest discussion about things. It usually ends with arguing, hanging up, or one of us walking away from each other.

"This is the first time I've had a girl in my room." Well, we can't just stare at each other all night.

At first she looks surprised, but her expression quickly turns to disbelief. "You've had Logan here."

"She's not a girl." I say indifferently. What? Why the eye rolling? "She's not." I bring my left arm down so and play with my fingers anxiously. "I mean she's not a GIRL girl."

"So not only do you sleep with lots of girls, you let non GIRL girls kiss you?" Not my fault. OK, well the first part, yeah. See what I mean about track records?

"Spencer..." She waves her hand to cut me off.

"Ash, just forget about it." Why does this sound so familiar? Girls are such drama!

"No, listen. I think we need to talk about everything." I take a hold of her hands. "Please?"

She pulls her hands away to rub her eyes. "I don't know if I can do this." There is that _'this'_ she keeps talking about.

"What are you afraid of?"

She looks at me intently. "You."

And what can I say to that? Why can't I tell her everything I am feeling? If I just told her, maybe she wouldn't be scared of me. But I'm not good at that. I only know how to seduce women and have hour long encounters that don't really focus around talking.

"Why?" The silence was killing me.

"Do you just want me because you can't have me?" Huh? No. Wait. I can't have you? What does that mean?!

"Uh, Spencer... I think you forgot. I already had you." I wiggle my eyebrows at her. That's right. I still got it.

Or.. I don't. Because she's walking to the door. "Fuck you, Ashley."

I quickly get up after her and just as she opens the door, I reach past her to close it. "Don't go." I take hold of her wrist. "I'm sorry."

She leans into me and rests her forehead on my shoulder. "I just don't know what to do, Ash."

I rub her back to comfort her before leading her to the bed. After pulling down the comforter, she gets in. I take off my shirt and start to unlatch my belt buckle.

"Ash..." She says while shaking her head.

"Shhhh." I continue to undress down to my underwear. I crawl into bed and lay on my left side facing Spencer. I engulf her by wrapping my limbs completely around and through hers, embracing her with every emotion that I can't say out loud.

"My brother knows." I pull back to look at her.

"Knows what?"

"About us." We're an 'us'? I really wish someone would tell me about this relationship stuff. I think I'll go online and buy a book. "He thought that it was just a drunk thing. When we were in Cancun. But then when he saw you at our house... And then the other night when when I was here... I had to call him to come pick me up..."

"Wait. When you were here?" Where was I?

"Anyway, he threatened to tell my parents unless I stopped seeing you." She was here?

"Oh... You were here? When?"

"I came and got you at Ego. I stayed here until I knew you were OK and had fallen asleep." I missed a night with Spencer? I'm never drinking again. I wonder what happened. "Did you hear what I said about Glen?"

"What? Oh yeah... yes." I didn't, though. Shit.

"That's why I went out with Aiden." God I wish I had been paying attention.

"Why did you go out with Aiden?" Maybe she won't catch on.

She sighs knowingly. "So that Glen doesn't tell my parents about me and you." Oh.

"I didn't like it. You're not going to still see him are you?" I don't think I could handle it.

"Not if you're not OK with it." I probably have the cheesiest grin on my face right now. But I don't care. I lost all coolness two weeks ago.

"Spencer, I just want... " What do I want? Say it. It's not that hard. "I just want..." What is your problem?! "I'm just happy you are here." Wuss.

"Me too." She releases herself from my embrace and rolls onto her back. "How can we even make this work? There's too much baggage already."

"You mean I have too much baggage." She only sighs in response. "I know it bothers you. If I could take all of it back, I would." I think I really would.

"It's OK. I mean, that's who you are. I just don't understand why." She thinks I'm a whore. That's great.

"That's who I was, Spence. I haven't slept with anyone since you got here." Not that I didn't try. She used her powers to make it impossible.

"Since Cancun?" Fuck.

"We weren't together. I didn't know I'd ever see you again." My life sucks.

She turns over to her right side and faces away from me. This is just deja vu all over the place tonight. I guess I need to tell her stuff. You know, to make her more secure. I press myself into her back and drape my hand around her waist as I whisper into her ear. "I don't know what you did to me. But ever since I met you, I can't stop thinking about you. You make me feel something I've never felt before."

Fueled by emotion, I pull her over and situate myself so that I am on top of her, resting between her legs. I look into her eyes adoringly as I straighten her eyebrows with my thumbs. "We'll make this work." I kiss her lips lightly. "Because I don't like my life without you." I kiss her again. "I need you." Kiss. "And... I want you." I say in that voice that I found only exists for Spencer.

This time Spencer is overcome with... something. I feel her hips raise up into me as she grabs fist fulls of my hair and pulls me into a deep passionate kiss. You know, the kind that makes the world stop. Like nothing can touch us. Right here. Right now. It's just me and her. It's filled with so much want. We've both been waiting for this to happen since she walked into that classroom.

Not breaking our kiss, she reaches around to unhook my bra. I raise her up, lift her shirt over her head and quickly attack her mouth again with a force that pushes her head back into the pillow. I maneuver out of my bra and press my breasts against hers. She gasps, breaking contact, to look down. Our chests are heaving together because of our accelerated breathing. She is so sexy. I bring my hand down between us and begin to slowly massage her center over her underwear. I can feel the wetness through the material.

She grabs my hand to stop my motions. "No, Ash." Damn.

I close my eyes tightly, trying to send signals to my brain to switch the arousal button to 'off'. But before I can process that request, I am on my back with Spencer tugging at my underwear. I look up at her with confusion and am met with a mischievous grin. I raise my hips to help her pull them off. I'm so turned on. But what is she doing? "Spence?"

"Ash."

"What are you doing?" I feel a little exposed.

"I'm looking." Ah. I nod. I'm not going to deny her.

"Ash?" She says timidly.

"Spence?"

"I don't know what to do." She is so adorable.

"Come here." I reach for her and pull her on top of me. Our sexes mingle together as I kiss her sweetly. I take her hand in mine and guide it down between us. "Like this." I cup my hand over hers and apply pressure to her middle finger so that it slips between my folds. I guide her by moving her finger up in down in long slow strokes, letting our joint action tell her how I like to be touched.

She rests her forehead against my chin and I breathe in the scent of her shampoo. "I like touching you." God that's hot.

"I want to feel you inside of me." I let go of her hand, hoping she'll be able to navigate on her own now.

Both of my hands instinctively bunch up the sheets besides us as she enters me. If I thought she gave me tingles before, I don't even know how to describe this. My gorgeous, adorable, cute, tingler is now a part of me. "Is this OK?" She says as she moves her finger slowly in and out.

I nod and barely get the word out, "More".

She looks at me and blushes before stopping. "Ash... I can't... make my finger any longer." She buries her head into my neck and giggles with embarrassment.

I'm so worked up and even more breathless by the fact that she stopped that I can only mumble, "Fingers."

She raises her head and looks at me again, mouthing the word, 'Oh'. My body arches up when she tentatively slides two fingers inside. I'm grinding my hips into her hand with each thrust. Her palm brushes against my clit each time her fingers extract toward my entrance and then back in. A slow, repetitive movement that is quickly building me up. "You're shivering. Are you cold?"

"Not cold." I manage to say. Thank god she didn't stop this time. I'm almost there. Yes. Almost. Almost. Almost. Theeeeeeeeeere. "Grrmph." I grab onto her back and pull her into me as she sends me over the edge.

After a few minutes, my body calms and I relax my arms. She pulls her fingers out and kisses me. When she pulls back she has a grin. She's proud of herself for what she just did to me. I can only smile at how cute she is. My tingler. "Spencer."

"Yes?"

"You _are_ officially gay now." _Cute smile._

-------------------------------------

After returning the favor, we laid in bed cuddling and talking. We never went to sleep because neither of us wanted the night to end. Sleeping just wasn't an option for us. We put a lot of things out there. Spencer asked about Logan. I explained what had happened and that she has feelings for me. She was a little jealous but I assured her that nothing would happen. That she is my best friend, and I really don't even know if we'll be that close anymore anyway. She realized I was a little hurt over that and she comforted me. She explained that she always wanted to be with me but that she was just scared of her family's reaction. So we agreed to be discreet about things for awhile. As long as she doesn't date anyone, that is. Oh, and as long as I don't go to Ego anymore.

I made her breakfast. OK, I microwaved some frozen waffles. I'm not a cook. But we had fun eating, flirting, blushing, kissing, and groping throughout the meal.

Then I let her change into a pair of my jeans and a t-shirt so that I could take her home. She thought it would be weird to walk in at noon in her boxers and tank top. I wouldn't have minded, though.

Now I'm driving her home and it is a little awkward. We've been driving in silence for awhile. I feel clingy and needy. I don't want to be taking her home. I'd rather her just stay at my house. I feel like I'll say something stupid if I open my mouth. She must sense my discomfort because she rests her hand on my thigh. "I wish I didn't have to go home."

"Yeah. I was just thinking that." Thank god it's not just me.

"I'm glad that this happened, Ash. I think everything will be OK." She doesn't sound convincing.

"I'm sure it will, Spence." I reach over, gently squeeze her knee, and give her a comforting smile.

I pull up to a curb about a block away from her house. She turns to face me as I put turn the ignition off. She sighs. "When will I see you?"

"Whenever you want." I tuck some stray blonde hairs behind her ear.

She tilts her head, "I'll call you."

"OK." I lean in and kiss her intensely.

_Screeeeeeeeeeech._

We pull away startled at the sound of breaks screeching across the pavement. We look to the road and see none other than Glen Carlin fuming behind the steering wheel of his car. I glance back at Spencer who looks to be in a state of shock. And I'm actually kind of scared. I don't want Glen to get out of his car and beat the crap out of me. So I'm hoping that Spencer hops out like... right now would be good.

"Shit." She whispers.

I look back at the road to see that Glen isn't moving. "Um, Spence?" I turn back to her and hold her hand. "You going to be OK? I can take you back my place."

"No, no. I have to go." She quickly hops out of the car and starts walking toward her house. I watch Glen put his car into drive and follow along side of her.

After they are no longer in sight, I start the ignition and drive. I pass the Carlin house and catch a glimpse of Glen yelling at Spencer animatedly.

Fuck.


	12. Chapter 12 Watch Out

**Chapter 12:** **Watch Out**

Not knowing is the worst. I tried to call Spencer all day yesterday and I never heard back from her. Not even a single text message. Nothing. It sucks. Everything was so perfect. We were finally going to be... Well, whatever we were going to be. I don't know. Did Glen tell her parents about us? She probably didn't call because she couldn't. Because you don't have a night like we had and then just drop off the face of the planet, right? I've been going out of my fucking mind thinking about her. Worrying about her. And I couldn't even go to Ego to try and relax because of that stupid promise I made her. Promises. Huh. Who would have thought that, I, Ashley Davies, would ever make a promise to a girl and attempt to follow through.

OK, so I'm getting out of this car. I'm walking toward the quad. I'm afraid of seeing her. I shouldn't be, right? Erg! Part of me hopes that she didn't call me because her parents took her phone away or something. And another part of me hopes that isn't the reason because I don't know what we're going to do if her parents DID find out. But mostly, I don't know what to say. I've never really had to comfort anyone. I'm not good at it. Ever since I met Spencer, I'm realizing that I'm not good at a lot of things.

Ah, there she is. Surrounded by stupid cheer bitches. She looks OK. She's smiling. OK, no. Now she's not smiling. She's frowning at me and shaking her head, which effectively stops me in my tracks. Well, this table looks nice. I guess I'll sit.

What was that about? Why won't she look at me now? I'm completely panicking. I don't like it. I'm sure it has nothing to do with the fact that I couldn't go to the club and I spent all Sunday clinging obsessively to my phone. Still, why did she shake her head at me? Why are the tingles missing and replaced with a stabbing sensation? And why is he walking over here? I didn't give him permission to invade my space. Don't sit down!

"Are you lost?" Seriously. Why is he here?

"You're gooood." Yeah. That's what they say.

"So I've been told." Insert smug shrug and smirk here.

"You're a perfect match." Oh shit. Does he know?!

"Aiden, stop being so cryptic. You're not clever." He never was. And why is Spencer not looking at me?!

"You taught her well." It is way too early for this.

"Who?" I just don't have time for his cocky jocky attitude.

"Logan" I'm so confused. How is it possible to feel like you have a hangover when you didn't even drink?

"What about her?" Spencer, just look at me or something. Anything to let me know we're OK.

"Taking advantage of innocent straight girls."

I'm not entirely sure what's going on. I was in the middle of panic attack when he sat down. He's been talking in code and I haven't really been paying that much attention because there is a certain beautiful blonde only two tables down that is ignoring me. I did manage to catch something about Logan and doing something with innocent girls. And I think he realizes that I was kind of shocked into silence by his last remark because he's saying something again.

"First you, now her. You're perfect for each other." I don't get it.

"What in the hell are you talking about?!" I'm seriously over this conversation. Where is Logan anyway?

"Spencer's brother called Madison." Fuck. "Said that some girl named Logan forced her way into her pants when she was drunk." FUCK fuck. "He asked her to watch out for her and make sure Logan stays away." Um.

I'm don't even have a response for this. What am I supposed to say? That I am the one that was in her pants? That I'm Logan?! This would be really funny if it was SO not funny. I take my phone out and frantically text Logan.

_**Where are you? Are you OK?!**_

"I hope you don't get any stupid ideas like defending Logan's honor like she did for you." Whatever. That girl so deserved it. She was a lying piece of shit. "You better not touch Spencer."

And now I'm up. I'm pissed off. My brain doesn't have enough time to process what is going on. What did Spencer say? Was that her story? That it was all a mistake? She was drunk and I took advantage of her? I don't give a shit if she doesn't want to talk to me.

I storm up and grab Spencer's arm forcefully. Not because I'm meaning to hurt her. I'm just filled with anger induced adrenaline. "We need to talk."

I startled her. She looks a little scared and I instantly regret handling her like this. "Ash-" She corrects herself quickly. "Ashley, what do you need?"

"Get your hands off of her!" I feel my arm being ripped away from Spencer by none other than Wilbur. Er, Madison.

I step back and glare at Spencer. Urging her with my eyes to say something or stick up for me. Say she's coming with me. Anything. But she only looks to the ground. Great. This isn't happening. I can't deal with this.

"Is there a problem?" Of course Aiden would follow me over here. I hate these people.

_Bzzzzzzzzz._ I flip open my cell phone.

"Ashely was just leaving." Oh now she wants to look at me. I pull off the glare way better.

"Whatever." I run to my car after reading Logan's response.

_**At home. No.**_

----------------------------------

_Knock. Knock._

"Go away!"

"Logan, it's me." I hear the lock click. After about a minute of preparing for what I might see and trying to think of things I should say, I have nothing. So I open the door and lean against the frame. "You're mom let me in."

She's laying on her bed in silence. I'm not surprised to see her face bruised and her lip split. It doesn't make it any easier to look at, though. I sit down next to her but keep my line of sight focused on the door.

"Who was it?" I'm going to kill them.

"I didn't see." _Sigh._ Of course.

"I'm sorry." I am. I didn't mean for this to happen to her.

"I can't believe she let you fuck her again." That hurts. But I know it's just her jealousy talking. "Are you guys... like together now?"

"No." I have no idea what we are. "Look, Logan..."

"You should go, Ash." She interrupts.

_Bzzzzzzzzz._ I open the face of my phone and read a message from Spencer.

_**Meet at my house. After school.**_

I stand up and turn to look at Logan. I probably will screw this up. But I have to say something.

"I just want you to know that I realize this is my fault." I wait until she her green eyes are on mine. I need that connection to say this next part. "I love you. As my best friend, I love you."

My eyes betray me and coat themselves with stinging liquid. I suppress an incredulous laugh. It just figures. I can go so long without crying and in the course of two days, I've lost it over these girls. It's too much, and I don't want Logan to see me like this so I walk out of her room. Before I reach the end of the hallway I hear her door shut and the lock click.

------------------------

I never went back to school. I couldn't go back to jocks, pigs, and tinglers. So I hung out at my house listening to super depressing music all afternoon. I don't know why we do that to ourselves. You know, when you feel like shit and then you play that forlorn crap to make you feel even worse? I guess it's called self pity. But I don't think any amount of bubbly pop music was going to make me feel better after my whatever-she-is ignored me all day and my best friend got the crap beat out of her because someone thought I was her. Or she was me. Ugh! This is so fucking stupid.

I'm parked in Spencer's driveway, contemplating whether or not I should go knock on the door or put it in reverse and get out of here. I don't even want this. I'm Ashley Davies. I don't care about girls. I don't do relationships. Who would ever need any of this drama?! So why am I here? That's right, because Spencer has some kind of spell on me that makes me feel things I don't want to feel and do stupid things I normally wouldn't do.

I take several breathes in quick succession. Psyching myself for the confrontation to come. If anyone witnessed it they might have assumed I was doing that thing you do right before you go under water with the intention of holding your breath for a long time. And maybe I subconsciously thought that as soon as I stepped out of my car I wouldn't be able to breathe any longer.

I get out of the car and just as soon as I'm ready to shut the door I hear a familiar voice. "I knew you would come." Only it isn't the husky voice I was expecting.

I turn to see Glen approaching me with disgust engraved in his features. "Where's Spencer?"

He comes to a stop about a foot away from me and crosses his arms. "Cheer practice. Where else?"

"She told me to meet her here." I shift my weight from one foot to the other.

"Nope. I did." He pulls out Spencer's phone and waves it in my face. So close that he almost made contact with my nose.

"What do you want?" This is a nightmare.

"For you to stay away from my sister." I roll my eyes. Whatever.

"So now you're the protective brother? Where were you in Cancun?" Because I definitely took better care of her then.

"On vacation." Apparently.

I'm bored. And my emotions are draining from me. I'm feeling a little bit numb. Like I'm really over all of this. I haven't felt tingles all day and I think that it's kind of cruel that she inflicted me with them to begin with. Without them, I'm just... not really alive.

"You're wasting my time." Ego is sounding pretty good about now. "If you're not going to beat the shit out of me, too... Then I think I'm going to just head off."

"Too?" Spencer asks from seemingly out of nowhere. It takes me a moment to really comprehend that she just walked up. Then I look to the street where I see Madison's car driving away.

"What are you talking about?" Glen says with the confusion. He really is an idiot.

"The little stunt you pulled? Calling Madison and telling her to keep me away from Spencer."

"You WHAT?!" She lunges at Glen and I grab her by the waist to hold her back.

"It's OK, Spence." When I'm sure she's not going to fight anymore, I release my grip on her. "He told Madison my name was Logan. And guess who got the message to stay away from you?"

"Oh my god. I'm so sorry, Ashley." She pulls me into a tight hug. Normally it would makes me feel warm and comforted. But right now I just feel deflated.

"Ashley?" Glen says with even more confusion.

I break free from Spencer's hold and extend my hand. "Ashley Davies."

He doesn't shake my hand. I didn't expect him to. "But why did you tell me your name was Logan?"

"Because you're an idiot."

A car pulls into the driveway and parks right next to mine. I see a tall slender man with Spencer's kind eyes step out. He walks over and puts an arm around each of them. "Glad you guys are home. I'm making enchiladas. Hungry?"

Glen and Spencer nod 'yes'.

"Aren't you going to introduce me to your new friend?" I smirk at that as my thoughts wander off to Friday night and just how friendly we were.

"Oh, sorry." Spencer was lost in thought, too. Wonder if it was the same as mine. "This is Ashley. She goes to school with me. Ashley, this is my dad."

"Nice to meet you Mr. Carlin." I extend my hand.

"Call me Arther." He reaches out and accepts my gesture. At least he has more manners than his son. "You should join us for dinner, Ashley." No, no, no, no, no! Oh no. Don't do it. Eyes. Powers. Now I see where she gets it.

"That would be nice. Thank you." You suck, Davies.

Arthur nudges Glen toward the house.

"Glen!" Spencer calls.

He turns around. Still grumpy. "Yeah?!"

"Are you done _borrowing_ my phone?!" Sassy Spence is hot.

Glen reaches into his pocket, pulls out the phone, and tosses it to his sister before following Arthur inside.

She looks around before quickly placing a soft kiss on my cheek. Grabbing my hand, she tangles our fingers together and leads me into the house.

And I'm finally able to come up for air.


	13. Chapter 13 The Way Old Friends Do

**Chapter 13:** **The Way Old Friends Do**

Spencer leads me up the stairs and into her bedroom. After closing the door with her free hand, she uses the other to pull me to the bed. I sit down and she does the same. Her hand rests on my thigh and I'm not sure what to do with my hands, so I lay them in my lap and pick at my fingernails.

She lifts her hand and with an index finger, she swivels my chin to face her. She's looking at my lips and I can see her leaning in slowly and tentatively. It's not like I haven't thought about kissing her for the whole entire weekend. In fact, there isn't a whole lot of anything that I'd rather be doing than feeling her soft full lips against my own. I glance down at them before pulling away and inching a little bit away from her. "No, wait."

I jump a little bit when I hear the door pop open aggressively and when I look over, Glen is giving me the dirtiest look I've ever been given in my life. And believe me, I've gotten a lot of them. He doesn't say anything, he just closes the door so that there is about two inches of space between it and the frame before angrily walking away.

Spencer sighs while getting up off the bed and walking to the door. She closes it again, this time turning the lock. Taking a seat in front of me on the floor, she crosses her legs, reaches out for my feet and lays them in her lap. "What's wrong?" I can tell that she is nervous by the way that she is fiddling with the belt strap on one of my shoes. It's the first time I've heard that cute and insecure baby-like voice.

"You ignored me." She isn't looking at me. Her head is down. If her hair weren't in a ponytail there would be a curtain of blonde hair shielding her from me. "Today at school."

She rests an elbow on one of her legs and cups her forehead with her hand. She does that when she is frustrated. It's amazing to me how quickly I am learning her mannerisms. I've never noticed these things about anyone before. "I'm sorry." That makes two of us. "I thought we agreed to be discreet about things."

I roll my eyes. "Yeah, discreet. That doesn't mean be a cold hearted bitch." I don't know where that came from. I kind of regret it because she snapped her head up and is now looking at me like she wants to kill me.

"What?" She pushes my feet off of her lap. "Maybe if you didn't storm up and practically tear my arm off, I would have been more receptive."

"Oh please, Spencer." I dramatically fall back on the bed. "You wouldn't even look at me before that."

"I was being discreet!" I'm tired and don't have much will to argue at this point so I'll let her talk. "I wanted to."

"I needed you to." Because I think that her eyes might be the source of tingles. And you know, without them, I get the feeling that I wouldn't survive. "I didn't hear from you all weekend. You didn't think I would be freaked out?"

I feel her pull my feet into her lap again. This time she is gently stroking my exposed ankles. "No. I honestly didn't. I just figured that after...you know...that you wouldn't worry."

Needing to see her, I sit back up. "It worried me even more. Like maybe you thought it was a mistake."

She quickly gets up onto her knees, wraps her arms around my waist and buries her head into my right shoulder. "No, no, no. Not a mistake." I can feel her tears on my skin. "Not a mistake, Ash." She repeats.

I place a soft kiss on her head. "I'm really glad to hear that."

She sits back on her heels and unconsciously squeezes at my knees with her hands. She doesn't realize she's doing it and yet all I feel is my heart racing because of it. I know that we communicate best with our eyes and touches. That is how I know she is being so sincere right now. Her body language and touches tell me that she wants me. And I'm not talking about sex. Although, I'm pretty sure that she is OK with that too. But this is so much more. I feel like she would be happy with just squeezing my knees for the rest of our lives. What's even funnier, is that I think I would be content with that too.

"Glen stole my phone. It's probably a good thing!" She laughs. "I would have scared you off with as much as I would have called you."

I lean down slightly to tuck a strand of stray blonde hair behind her ear and whisper. "I doubt that." She's chewing her bottom lip and the urge to kiss her is stronger than I've ever known. But I can't yet. I still need to know some things. I scoot off the bed and slide down to the floor in front of her. "So Glen didn't tell your parents about us?"

"No! He knows that if he does, I will tell them about his recreational drug use." She put emphasis on 'recreational'. I'm guessing that there is more to it than that, but now isn't the time to get into it.

"What did you say to him, though? To make him call Madison. Logan is at home with a black eye and split lip, Spencer."

She looks down and takes a deep breath. "I told him.." When she speaks, it's so soft and quick that I barely hear the words. "ThatIthinkIloveyou." But I did hear. When it registered, my heart literally jumped out of my chest and into hers. It carried me so quickly into her that I was almost surprised at how fast my lips went crashing into hers. Kissing her so passionately, with every molecule in my body, telling her that I love her too.

_Pound. Pound. Pound._

"Dinner's ready!"

We reluctantly break our kiss after hearing Glen yell from behind the door. Spencer slowly leans back with a guiltily cute smile. "You ready?"

Those words mean so much more than what she is saying. I think I'm ready for anything with her. No matter how hard it's going to be. Standing, I offer my hand to help her up. I shrug. "Are you?"

She pulls me into a loving embrace and brushes the hair away from my right ear before whispering. "I'm ready." _Tingles._

---------------------

When Mr. Carlin was saying grace, Glen refused to hold my hand. Thankfully it went unnoticed. Also going unnoticed was that Spencer was staring into my eyes so intently throughout the entire prayer. Saying things like 'I love you' and 'I want you' and 'I'm ready'. I can't believe that this is all happening so fast. How could I have fallen for this girl? Why is she so different from all the others? I didn't even know that love really existed and all of the sudden I'm thinking about a future with her.

"Ahem." I'm pulled out of my thoughts by Arthur. I quickly release his hand after realizing that he had finished and I was too in a trance with Spencer to notice. That wasn't obvious. "What are you waiting for? Dig in!"

I don't know why I look to Spencer for permission. She nods her head in approval, so I reach out for the dish of enchiladas and scoop one out onto my plate with the spatula.

"So Ashley. You go to school with Spencer." I have my mouth full so I just nod 'yes'. "I'm guessing you're not on her cheerleading squad because you're not in uniform. How did you two meet?" _Choke._ Damn enchiladas.

"They met in C-" Spencer interrupts Glen with a hard kick under the table. "Ow!"

She glares at him. "We met in _class_. We have English together."

Arthur looks suspiciously between the two siblings before turning his attention back to me. "That is Spencer's worst subject. If you're any good, I'm sure she'll appreciate you helping her out with that."

"She must be good." Glen mumbles. Spencer kicks again. "Fuck!"

"Glen, watch your language." Arther reprimands.

I'm feeling really uncomfortable. Even Spencer's sympathetic glances aren't helping me through this. I'm about to get up when she changes the subject. "So where is Mom?" OK. I can handle this topic. I take another bite.

"She's working late again." The air just got a little bit thin. Maybe I can't handle this topic either. "Ashley, do you have a boyfriend?" Oh my god. I should have left earlier.

"No." And I can't help but notice that Spencer just visibly hung her head in disappointment. What did she expect me to say? "I mean..." This is why I don't do relationships. "I have someone. I'm just not sure what we are."

"Sinners." Glen blurts out. Before I have enough time to stand, his entire plate of food is in his lap.

"Glen, you're such an asshole!" She looks to Arthur apologetically. "I'm sorry."

"Spencer, these track pants were brand new!" He frantically swats at his lap with a napkin.

I can't handle this anymore. "Arthur, thank you for the dinner. It was really great. I um... I have to go."

After running full speed out the door, I hop in my car. Just as I'm looking back to pull out of the driveway, Spencer reaches through the window and turns the car off, taking the keys out of the ignition. "Ash, I'm sorry. He's such a jerk."

I take a deep breath. "Maybe this isn't going to work. That was all my fault in there. You and your family... you wouldn't be fighting if it weren't for me."

She puts her elbows on the door and leans in, giving me a sweet kiss on the lips. "You're worth it."

Even though I know it's wrong what I'm doing to her. I'm the cause of the family troubles she is going to experience... I can't help it. I can't turn back now. "Want to come to my house?" I waggle my eyebrows at her playfully. "I mean, you're dad did say he wanted me to _tutor_ you."

She blushes and shakes her head. "I'm sorry, I can't. I have a lot of homework to do." She's so cute when she pouts.

"OK, so give me my keys back then!" I wrestle with her hands for a few seconds before she surrenders them over to me.

I'm grinning goofily and so is she. It's a good awkward right now. I need to say goodbye to her but I have no idea what to say. I kind of like that she makes me nervous. "Well, I guess this is goodbye." I couldn't' have said anything more eloquent than that? Smooth.

She leans in and kisses me again before walking away with a confident sway in her hips. She looks over her shoulder and winks. "See ya!"

----------------------------

I'm laying on my bed with my laptop. MySpace stalking of course. I was actually wondering if I should change my status indicator to 'In a Relationship' when I felt my phone buzzing next to me.

_**One new MMS message.**_

I open my phone to see I have a message waiting to be viewed from Spencer. I select 'OK' and chuckle when I see a picture of her her books and binders scattered on her floor as if they've been thrown aside in frustration.

I grin mischievously when I get an idea. I nudge the laptop to the side a bit so that I take a picture of my feet and send it to her.

Moments later, I have another message from her. This time it's an image of her hand resting on her thigh. My eyebrow instinctively raises. I pull the material of my tank top and take a picture of my abs before pressing 'Send'.

The other night she kept commenting on how much she loves my stomach. That my abs were the sexiest she's ever seen. I'm such a tease.

The vibrating of my phone tells me she has sent me another picture. This game is fun! I excitedly select 'OK' and my breath hitches when I see what is before my eyes. Spencer's bra. Not just her bra. Her breasts are in them. And I can see her fingers dipping underneath the material. OK, so she is a bigger tease.

I want to see how far she will go. My innocent little tingler is being oh so bold. And I'm not even above taking advantage of it.

Shutting my laptop down, I slip out of the bed to set it on my couch. On the way back, I strip off my boxers. I dip my left hand into my underwear and take a picture. I only debate sending it for a nanosecond before it's gone. I have no shame.

I haven't removed my hand from my underwear. I'm way too turned on. What?! Don't pretend that you wouldn't do it, too!

I'm getting myself a little worked up, so it takes a few seconds to register the buzzing on my phone. I take a look and let out an uncontrollably loud gasp. Spencer fucking Carlin just sent me a picture of her... YOU Know... without underwear. She wins.

I press '1' and hit 'Send'. I smile when I hear the ringback tone she has set for me. _'I want to fuck you like an animal_.' Nine inch Nails. She surprises me.

"Hello?" She says so innocently. Yeah right.

"Spence, I figured that since I had to teach you how to have sex it's only appropriate that I teach you how to do phone sex, too."

She lets out a shy giggle.

This is going to be fun.


	14. Chapter 14 That's Me

**Chapter 14: That's Me**

"I love your legs." I close my eyes and easily paint the picture behind my lids. "I remember the first time I noticed them. It was in Cancun. You were kneeling in front of the mini bar in my hotel suite." I sigh comfortably. "Your muscles..."

"Yeah?" She says in barely a whisper.

"It took everything in me to not tackle you right then and there." A smile forms on my lips. "You were so cute in that trucker hat."

"You're always cute." She is not making me blush. It's just hot in here, right?

"Whatever! More like sexy!" Because I am. I was cute when I was ten.

She is laughing adorably and I can't think of anywhere else I'd rather be. Except in her bed. Oh, come on! Give me a break. Anyway, I think it's time to get this party started.

"So Spencerrrrr." I reposition myself so that I'm laying on my back. "Where are your hands?"

"Ash, I told you. We are not having phone sex!" I roll my eyes and ignore her.

"I wish my hands were on you. Right. Now." I say seductively. How could she refuse?

"Ash. I'm serious!" She's still giggling and I'm frustrated. My sigh says so.

"Tease!" She is.

"I'm not a tease!" Sure.

"Don't pretend like you're innocent, miss 'I'm going to take naked pictures and send them to my girlfriend and then not do anything about it'." It should be illegal. It probably is. I'll look it up on the Internet later.

Silence. Not good. Oh god, she's mad at me. "Spence, you there?" Nothing. Um. I was just joking. Shit. What do I say to fix it? I don't even know what I did to break it. I shouldn't have tried pressuring her into the phone sex thing. It's too soon. "Really, if you don't want to-"

"You just called me your girlfriend." She interrupts.

Rewind. Nope. Not recalling that. "No I didn't."

"Yes you did." Why does it sound like she's teasing me? This isn't funny.

"No... I didn't." But if I did, would it really be so bad? I'm just not... ready. Am I? Can't we just be together without being 'together'?

"OK, fine." Good. I'm glad that's dropped. "But I don't do phone sex with just anyone." Sneaky Spencer. Always so sneaky. It always feels like she has the upper hand. I'm not sure if I like that.

"No, you just don't do phone sex at all." At least I hope she doesn't... or hasn't.

"I might. Say... if I had a girlfriend to do it with." She teases. See? I was right. Total. Complete. Tease. And how did we get here? I mean, this morning she wouldn't even look at me in the quad. Now she is wanting me to commit to her? I don't get her. This is not really what I envisioned for this phone call. I don't know what to say now that this has suddenly ended up kind of serious.

"Oh." As always, the Davies smoothness shines through. She is the only person that is able to leave me at a loss for words.

"What are we, Ash?" I wish I knew. I also wish that she didn't sound so defeated.

"Hey. Can I pick you up tomorrow?" I sit up and run my hand through my hair in frustration. I hate myself. Why am I so scared of this? I know I want to be with her. It's all I've been thinking about since she got here. And if I think I love her, why shouldn't we be in a relationship? I am so messed up. Now I'm probably pushing her away.

"I don't think that's a good idea." Well I'm glad she is confirming why I don't want to commit. She doesn't even want to be seen with me.

"OK." My eyes are evil. They shouldn't be threatening me. Not now. Not with tears. "It's getting late." My voice is against me, too?

"Ash, don't cr-"

"See you at school, Spencer." _Click._

------------------------------------

I woke up late and didn't make it to school until 2nd period. It probably would have been later had I not received a text message from Spencer asking me where I was. Even though I was really happy to be in her thoughts, I couldn't help but be a little angry towards her. I wouldn't have been late if she would have let me drive her to school. But since she turned me down, effectively making me feel like shit, I figured what's the point? Just go back to my old ways. Sleeping in. I just wish it felt as good as it used to.

There she is. Amazingly beautiful girl. Eating lunch with her fake cheerleading friends as usual. She's wearing the same outfit she wore that day in Cancun. The white tank, too short jean shorts, trucker hat... She just smirked at me. I'd smile or smirk or something but I can't. I'm overwhelmed with want right now. I open my phone and glance at the picture she sent me last night. I know I shouldn't at school. I mean, it's only going to torture me. But damn, she looks hot. I glance up and see that she is walking toward me. I guiltily close my phone and place it back in the holder on my hip while trying to rid my head of inappropriate thoughts.

She stops across the table from me. Still standing, she leans and crosses her arms on the table, giving me an eyeful of cleavage. "You didn't text me back." She tilts her head and gives me a sweet smile. And my thoughts wander back to our that time in the hotel. Wearing that same outfit, flashing me that same head tilt and smile, she had linked our pinkies together. God. Why did she have to wear this outfit today? I'm trying to be mad at her.

"Why are you here? You're friends might get the wrong idea about us." Ah. I finally found the smirk that I needed earlier. "Wouldn't want you to get a reputation or anything."

She walks around the table, lifts her foot up and puts it on the bench next to me. She bends down and unties her shoe. "They think I'm talking to you about English." She looks up at me but I don't meet her eyes. It's kind of hard when her muscles are... Oh my god. She is doing this on purpose! The outfit, the cleavage, the leg in my space... "And it wouldn't really be the wrong idea, now would it?" ... the flirty tone. I should have known. I'm out of it. I blame her. She just makes me so, so, so... I don't know.

She's playing a game that she has little experience in, though. I scratch my stomach while dragging the material of my vest up to expose the abs she has admitted to lusting over. "Mmmm... I'm hungry." I change the subject to throw her off a little. She's dropped the laces. Looking up, I find her staring where I knew she would be. Her teeth have found real estate over her bottom lip and she could not be any more sexier. Fucking school. I lean into her to finish tying her shoe laces. After the the knot is secure, I _accidentally_ stroke the muscle in her calf lightly with the nail of my index finger.

"Ow!" She yelps as her foot suddenly slipped from the bench causing her knee to ram into it.

I flip my legs over the bench, grab her knee and unconsciously start rubbing it. "Spence! I'm so sorry!"

She steps back quickly and looks every which way to see if we've gained any attention. Her eyes lock on to something behind me. I turn my head over my shoulder to see Madison glaring in our direction. I wave. Because I didn't really know what else to do. Yeah, cool me.

"I have to go." She says apologetically. I keep my head turned. I can't look at her. Even though I know she has to go, it still feels a lot like rejection. And once again, it feels like I've lost the game.

------------------------------------

I open the door to the bathroom more urgently than normal. "Fuck!" Screams Logan.

Great. How many more people will I cause injury today? "Logan, I'm sorry." She walks over to a sink and runs her hand underneath the faucet without answering me.

I follow her and grab her hand to inspect the damage. "It's bleeding. I'll take you to the nurse to get a band-aid or something."

She retracts her hand with a purpose and avoids looking at me. "It's fine." She wipes it on her jeans, turns off the faucet and walks out the door.

Gripping the sides of the sink with both hands, I look up into the mirror at my reflection. "Who are you?"

------------------------------------

I take my seat in between Logan and Spencer in English. In between two girls who say they love me. Coincidentally, two girls that are hurting me.

"Class, open to page 110. Brandon go ahead and read. I'll stop you at a discussion point."

I pull my book out of my messenger bag, lay it on my desk, and open it to the correct page. I'm trying desperately to pay attention. I really want to be able to stop thinking about how Spencer is ashamed of me or of whatever we have. I don't want to wonder how long Logan is going to ignore me. And I need to erase this natural urge to go to Ego and get trashed to make it all go away.

It isn't working. This is so insanely boring. I'm reading a long but I don't remember anything that I just read. How is that even possible? I do, however, remember thinking Jack and Coke would be better than Kettle One and Tonic. And how I could easily relieve this sexual frustration with a random at the club tonight. I'm so messed up.

_Bzzzzzzzz._ I don't have to look to see who is texting me. The tingles tell me. I glance to might right for confirmation. Yep, Spencer is looking from my eyes to my phone and back up. She looks serious. I choose to ignore the drama and go back to reading. Come on, Davies. You can do this. Just read. Remember the words. I sigh in frustration. I must be retarded.

I look to my left and sneak a glance at Logan. She's not listening to her Ipod like usual. Instead, her eyes are boring a hole into the book. She must be waging the same battle as me. I wonder if we are fighting side by side or against one another.

_Bzzzzzzzz. _I can't deal with this. Being here. Between these two. Spencer sending me unwanted tingles.

I close my book, toss it in my bag, and quickly walk out the door. Away from who I'm not. Back to who I am.

------------------------------------

"Jack and Coke. It must be serious." Kaylee sits down next to me at the bar. I let out a half chuckle and a light head nod while I spin the glass in my hands. "Want to talk about it?"

"Not really in the mood for talking." She looks hot as usual. Maybe hotter. I hang my head after feeling a wave of guilt for thinking that.

"That's alright. We were never good at that anyway." She traces the length of my arm with her finger. She leans and whispers into my ear. "We were great at other things, though."

I down the rest of my drink and slam it on the counter. I guess I just thought that is what you usually do after downing your drink at a bar. I see it in the movies all of the time. Whatever. It doesn't matter. I'm on a mission tonight. To get back to me. I grab Kaylee's hand and confidently lead her to the dance floor.

God she's fucking sexy. She's the only girl that I messed around with on a regular basis. She's grinding me hard. Her familiar hands are all over me. Touching me in all of the places she knows turn me on. This is it. This is who I am. The girl that goes to clubs, drinks, and screws gorgeous ladies. No regrets.

She's grinding down toward the ground. I can feel her rapid breaths on my abs. My abs. Spencer's abs. So much for regret. I grab her by the chin and pull her up to me. "No." I kiss her hard. "Not there. Never there." She looks confused for only seconds before she sends her tongue deep down my throat again. My hands find their way to the skin just under the material on her back. Roaming. Feeling. Wanting. Spencer. I pull back. "I need another drink." Taking her hand, I guide us through the crowd and back to the bar.

It has gotten busier and there are no open seats. So I yell my order over a couple of butch baby dykes that are in the middle of a serious make-out session. "You want anything?" I question Kaylee.

"Just you." She says seductively as she presses her body firmly against mine. Her lips are only centimeters away from mine. I can't do anything but share her oxygen until she nuzzles her mouth through my hair to reach my ear. "Bathroom." She whispers before nibbling at the skin where my piercing is. I instinctively close my eyes because that made me so wet. I'm not going to lie. That really just does it for me. And she knows it.

Forgetting about my drink, I walk past her. I don't have to tell her where I'm headed. She knows that too.

She knows who I am.


	15. Chapter 15 Rock Me

**Chapter 15: Rock Me.**

"Mmm... " Is really all I can manage. She's licking and sucking at my neck. Her hands are up my shirt and assaulting my breasts. I can feel the pressure of her thigh rocking between my legs. There is no secret what I need. She knows what it is. And she's going to give it to me. I roughly push her back until her knees hit the edge of the toilet and the momentum forces her to sit. My hands reach the hem of my skirt. Pulling it up, I lift one leg over her and then the other so that I am straddling her. She grabs fists full of my hair and pulls me into a lustful kiss.

This isn't me.

I break the kiss, placing a hand flat on her collarbone to keep her at a safe distance while I collect my thoughts.

"What's the matter?" Kaylee is tilting her head trying to read my eyes. But I have my head turned and am focusing intently on the toilet paper dispenser.

"I don't kiss people." I say like it is normal. Kaylee chuckles which causes me to turn and look at her. "What?!"

She raises her hand and softly caresses my cheek. "Nothing. I just forgot about that, I guess." Her eyes are searching mine. "It's funny that I didn't even realize that these were our first kisses. After everything we've... done."

Taking a deep breath, I reach for her hand and remove it from my face. I exhale and drop her hand, slouching my shoulders a bit. "It was just sex."

"Good sex." She smirks. "Many times."

A half smile forms on my lips as I roll my head to the left. Suddenly it feels so heavy. My thoughts are weighing it down. "Yeah." I concede. Her hand starts moving up my thigh and under my skirt but I stop it before it could reach that place I want it to go. The place I don't want it to go.

"What's going on with you, Ash?" She says in a seriously concerned tone as I feel her remove her hand. "This isn't like you. I know you want me. This."

"I DO, Kaylee!" I say a little louder than I probably should in a bathroom stall. "I REALLY do." This is so frustrating. "Why can't I DO this?!" I whine.

"Don't' ask me!" She exclaims playfully.

_Knock. Knock._

"Occupied!" I yell.

_Pound. Pound._

I quickly get up and pull down my skirt. This person is going to fucking get popped by my fist. I'm that irritated tonight. I unlock the door and rip it open angrily. "Can you not fucking hea-?!" Perfect.

She looks over my shoulder at Kaylee and back to me. "What the hell are you doing, Ash?!"

I turn around. "Kaylee, I'm sorry. Thanks for... everything."

She stands up and whispers in my ear. "No problem. Maybe another time." She gives me a peck on my piercing before squeezing past me to leave.

Before I have time to think of something to say, I'm being pushed back into the stall. "Logan, what are you doing?!"

She locks the door and leans against it with her arms crossed. "I asked you first."

"Um...what do I normally do when I'm here?" This is really uncomfortable.

"Then why are you here?"

"Because I want to do the things that I normally do when I'm here?" Her glare is making me feel like I'm being punished. I can't stand it. Ah, the toilet paper dispenser. How have you been, old friend?

"What about Spencer?"

"Don't you mean; What about you?" I regret saying that. I really do. But I have this problem of talking before I think.

"Fuck you, Ashley."

------------------------------------

I shouldn't be driving. But I had to get out of there. I'm not drunk or anything. It's just that I would usually call a cab to take me home. Why am I such an idiot? I always manage to screw up everything up. I don't know what I want. God. I'm even lying to myself now. I know what I want. I want Spencer. I want Logan not to hate me. I want to feel that thing that I didn't know existed. I want Spencer to feel it too. I want Logan to be happy for me. I want to be able to talk to Logan about my girlfriend. I want Spencer to hear me call her my girlfriend. I want her to be happy. I want Logan to like her. I want them to be friends. I want to know why Spencer is sitting on my porch...

I've stopped the car. She has her head in her hands and hasn't looked up. I slowly drop the keys into my purse and get out of the car. After shutting the door, I lean against it, waiting for her to say something. Or look up. Anything other than what she is doing. Which is nothing. "Hey." She doesn't answer. So I walk passed her to the front door. I glance back at her as I nervously dig the keys out of my purse and wonder why I put them there in the first place. Her elbows are resting on her knees and she has tight grips of hair in each of her hands. All I feel like doing is kneeling in front of her and taking those hands in mine. Saving her hair from the attack that I should undoubtedly be getting.

I turn around, unlock, and open the door. She stands up. So I guess that means she's coming in, then. I leave the door open for her as I walk into the living room. I don't sit down. I know there is going to be some sort of confrontation. Standing is probably the safest position for me to be in. I'm trying to think of every reason she could be upset and plotting every believable excuse I can use.

The front door closes and it startles me for a second. I'm looking toward the foyer, expecting her to walk in any minute. It's so frickin quiet right now. Except for the soft electric hum of the equipment in the entertainment center. God damn. How much power do those things use? I'm shifting on my feet with anticipation. I just now realize that I didn't turn any lights on. This room is only illuminated by the time displayed on the DVR. 1:17 AM. How long has Spencer been here? Is she going to get in trouble? Did she even come in or did she close the door and leave? My feet carry me to the entryway to check. She's there. Staring at her feet. This is killing me. "Do you want something to drink?"

Just as I expected. No response. I walk into the kitchen, flip the light switch, and make my way to the fridge. My hand grips the stainless steel handle for an extended period of time before finally opening it. I reach in and grab a bottled water. I pull the top out and suck down half of the liquid as if it was going to wash away everything I did tonight. I put it back in and lean my forehead against one of the racks, finding comfort in the cold air.

"You went to Ego."

"Shit!" I cough out after being startled enough to hit my head on the top shelf. I rub my injury while closing the fridge. "You scared me."

"You. Went. To. Ego." She repeats venomously.

My hand is still on the handle of the fridge. I don't want to turn and face her. Face this. "How long have you been here?"

"Look at me." I hate that voice. I haven't heard it before. It's broken. I broke her.

"I can't." This is way too heavy for me. This emotion is too grown up. I just want to go in my room and ignore this.

Spencer crosses the room and yanks my hand off the handle. "You." _Push_ "Went." _Push_ "To." _Push_ "EGO!" _Push._ She's cornered me against the kitchen island and is lightly pounding at my chest between sobs. My hands have a tight hold on the edge of the counter. I don't think it's OK to touch her. "You promised..."

"Spencer..."

"No." She interrupts by piercing me with her vision. I've never seen her eyes so dark before. So hurt. "Don't apologize." She steps back and pulls of her tank top. "It's who you are, right?" She unbuttons her jean shorts and they fall to the ground. "This is what you want, right?" She presses her body up against me, takes my hand and places it on her breast. "You want a good fuck, RIGHT?!"

I push her away and instinctively cross my arms to hold myself for protection. "No, Spence..." I kind of feel violated.

"You don't want me?" She says sarcastically.

"Of course I do." I whisper. "But not like this." I look into her eyes and try to tell her I'm sorry. I'm sorry for breaking my promise. I'm sorry for breaking her.

Her legs give out on her as she kneels to the ground crying. And I don't care if it's OK or not to touch her. Because I need to make this right. I run and drop to my knees in front of her. I engulf her in my arms tightly. "I'm sorry." I begin to rock her in my embrace. "I"m so sorry, Spencer."

"Did voo pluck her?" She cries into my shirt. Even though it was jumbled. I know what she asked.

"No, I didn't." I comb my fingers through the back of her hair, unsure of how she knows all about my night at the club. "C'mon." I help her stand up. I gather her clothes and take her hand to lead her upstairs.

-----------------------------

"Why are we in here?" She suspiciously looks around the bathroom as if she's never been in one before. I start to undress. "What are you doing?"

"Taking off my clothes."

She uncomfortably sways and nervously fiddles with the material of her underwear.

"I got an idea when I was in the kitchen earlier." I stand up after removing my last article of clothing. I squeeze passed her and turn on the shower. Once I've gaged the temperature is just right, I walk up behind her, put my arms around her waist and whisper. "You need to trust me."

"Ash, I can't -"

I tighten my grip. "Yes you can. This isn't going to work if you don't trust me."

"But how? You just-"

I turn her around so that she can see the truth in my eyes.

She doesn't say anything. Well here goes nothing. I reach behind her and unhook her bra. Placing my hands on her shoulders, I guide the straps off of her arms so that it falls to the ground. I put my thumbs in the top of her underwear and look up to make sure I have permission to continue. She's unreadable really. I hope that means this is OK. As I pull them down, I feel her hands on my shoulders. She uses me as support to step out of them. I grab her hand, walk her into the shower and move her under the constant spray of water. "This is our baptism."

She opens her eyes stares intensely into mine.

"We're going to start over right now." I pull her into a loving embrace and place a soft kiss on her wet shoulder. "We're going to wash away our sins." I pull her down so that we are sitting. My legs wrapped over her legs and around her hips. The water comfortingly bathing us. "We're going to talk." I rest my forehead against hers. "And get it all out."

She's crying again. I'm crying. I think I'm playing a game that I have no experience in.

"I really like you, Spencer" I rub her back unconsciously. "It hurts me that you don't want to be seen with me."

"I was trying, Ash. Today at school... I made an effort."

"But you had to lie to your friends." I reach up to tuck the strands of wet hair behind her ear. "I'm not asking you to come out. I'm not asking you to tell anyone that we're more than friends. But I can't go through each day without you. Having to watch you from a distance. I can't do that, Spence."

"OK." That was quick. She leans forward and lightly kisses me. I think this is the first time that I've really been thankful for the tingles. Maybe they aren't so bad after all.

I can't help the grin from forming against her face. "OK?"

"You're my best friend and everyone will have to deal." She says matter-of-factly. "But Ashley..."

"Yeah?" My voice just cracked. Smooth as always.

"The next time you feel like you need to... go to Ego... get drunk... or... you know. Just tell me, OK?" She looks down timidly. "I've already said this, but I don't want you to see other girls." She takes a deep breath. "This is a relationship whether you verbally confirm it or not!" She laughs a little awkwardly.

I grab her fidgeting hands and place them around my back as I lean in to whisper in her ear. "It is." And now she is smiling against my face. "I promise. I'm all yours."

"Promise me one more thing." She punctuates the sentence with a peck on my cheek.

"Anything." She could really get me to promise anything right now. I'm so frickin high on Spencer Carlin, its ridiculous.

"You'll apologize to Logan."

I pull back in shock. Eyebrows furrowed, I search her eyes for the answer to my question. How does she know? She isn't going to tell me. And I'm OK with that. It doesn't matter now. I nod and I guess that made her happy because she rewards me with the most passionate kiss I've ever experienced in my life. I wonder if it's sacrilegious to have these thoughts I'm having during our baptism.


	16. Chapter 16 Love Isn't Easy

**Chapter 16: Love Isn't Easy**

I'm creeping myself out. I've been watching Spencer sleep for the past... What does the time say? 5:45. OK, I've been watching her for the last 30 minutes. I don't know why I am compelled to just stare at her. Observe her. I can't help it. She is absolutely mesmerizing. So peaceful laying there. Clutching the bunched comforter up to her chin. I can see her eyes dancing behind her closed eyelids. She sighs very lightly every once in awhile between her relaxed breaths. Some beautiful blonde strands of hair have fallen into her face and sway each time she exhales. I have the strongest urge to reach out and tuck them behind her ear. But I don't. Because I'm just enthralled and frozen here. Fascinated by her pure beauty.

I've never woken up with someone next to me. OK, well that's a lie. Logan has slept over plenty of times. But you know what I mean. I don't even know what to do with this. This gorgeous girl in my bed. What is the protocol here? I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little bit terrified. She was so innocent. Pure. I've already tainted her in so many ways. I took her virginity. I lied to her. Broke promises. And she's still here. I don't deserve her. Someone like me shouldn't be given opportunities to corrupt good souls like Spencer Carlin.

How are we even going to work? It's so easy to get caught up in feeling good. Basking in the tingles. The giggly dumb emotions I get whenever she looks at me with her piercing blue eyes and when she smiles at me with those tantalizingly full lips...

_Beeeeep Beeeeep Beeeeep Beeeep_

Shit. Spencer starts to rustle at the sound of the alarm clock.

_Beeeeep Beeeeep Beeeeep Beeeep_

I reach prop myself up and lean over her to push the 'off' button.

"What time is it?" She says in a groggy mumble. I look down to see she is rubbing at her eyes with a pout. Awww.

"Six." I whisper. I take her hands and move them away from her eyes. "Morning." I lean down and give her a light kiss, lingering at the sensation of our lips together, before pulling away with a content sigh.

"I could get used to that." Her pout turns into a genuine smile.

"Well don't." I'm finally able to wipe away those stray strands of hair. "I doubt your parents are going to let you stay over that often."

"Oh shit. My parents!" She lunges forward knocking our heads together.

"Ouch." I fall to the side, closing my eyes and grasping at my head. I feel the weight of the mattress change and hear Spencer scurrying around the room.

"Shit. Shit. Shit." Opening my eyes, I remove my hands and look about the room until I can see her rummaging through things.

"Spence, calm down." I sit up and rub the sleep out of my eyes so that I can focus better.

"Calm down?! Ash, they don't even know I'm here! Where is my phone?!" She throws down whatever she was holding in frustration.

I hop out of bed, walk over to her, and wrap my arms around her waist. "Shhhh. It's OK. You can use mine." I give her another quick kiss before heading into the bathroom. I take my phone out of my skirt that was lying on the floor. Entering my room, I hand it to Spencer before sitting on the edge of the bed. "Just tell them that I was drunk and needed to be taken care of or something."

She looks at me in disbelief. "And give them a reason to not like you? I don't think so." She throws the phone back at me.

"Um..Spence? They aren't ever going to like me." I throw it back to her.

"Yes they will." She tosses it again.

"Not when they find out about us." And back it goes.

"They're not going to!" She throws it, but for some reason I'm too stunned to catch it. I knew it. She has no intention of us ever not being a secret. Whatever. I don't care. If she just wants me as her lesbian play toy, so be it. I pick the phone up off the floor, stand up, and hand it to her. "I don't care what excuse you use. Just call em."

"Ash-"

I interrupt. "There are clothes everywhere in here. Help yourself. What's mine is yours." I say with some sort of resignation before walking out.

------------------------------

The drive to school was intensely silent. Neither of us speaking a word. I guess that she came up with a good excuse for her parents because she doesn't seem like she's freaked out at all. She just looks uncomfortable. I won't fault her for it. Because I'm feeling the exact same way. I pull into the parking lot and pull the keys out of the ignition. She reaches over and places her hand on my thigh, but I quickly open the door and step out. I don't know why but her touch just stung me into escape mode.

After grabbing my bag out of the backseat, I fling the strap over my shoulder and start to walk toward the quad. Spencer catches up and links her pinky with mine. Of course I pull away, because that touch didn't sting any less. As we approach, I see Madison walking over with a vicious scowl. Falling back in pace, I decide that I am in no mood to play nice with Wilbur. So I take off in the other direction heading for my locker. Spencer doesn't realize I've left because I hear her voice as I'm walking away. "Madison, you know Ashley... Ashley?"

------------------------------

School sucks when you're going out of your mind. OK, so school sucks all of the time. But especially when all you can think about is your girlfriend and how you probably just pissed her off by giving her the silent treatment and walked off without saying anything. Girlfriend? This is ridiculous. I agreed to not be with any other girls. I got caught up in the moment last night and conceded to being in a relationship. This is just one more thing I'm not good at. Obviously. What am I doing? Why is this so hard? It's so stupid! I did it because I didn't want to lose her. But I don't even really have her. I'm just her dirty secret. Is this who I am now? Pathetic girl who is sprung on a straight cheerleader who she wants to keep on a leash to have her at her silent beck and call? Fuck it. I'm out.

I pick up my bag and walk out of class. This teacher is used to me leaving before class is out. He doesn't say a word to me. As expected.

I don't know what possessed me to walk to this classroom. But I did it, so there must be a divine astronomical pull that means for me to be here, right? I sigh and open the door.

"Miss Davies. Who should we thank for the pleasure of your company?" The teacher condescendingly asks.

"The front office." I reply nervously. I search the room until I spot her. "They need Logan to file a report on her... accident." Logan stares at me with a blank expression.

The teacher doesn't question. "Alright. Logan? Grab your things and come up here." After packing up her Ipod, Logan walks up to the desk. "Logan, honey. I know this must be hard for you." Logan looks over to me and rolls her eyes. "But my door is always open if you need to talk. Now go."

Logan smiles appreciatively "Thanks."

I grab her hand and lead her out the door.

"What are we doing?" She pulls her hand away and stops.

"Don't ask." I grab her arm and continue leading her to the parking lot. "Get in." I say as we approach the car.

"Why?" I can't say that I've missed her stubbornness.

"Because I asked you to." I throw my bag in the back before getting into the drivers seat.

"That's asking? Could have fooled me, slut." OK. I deserve that.

"Will you pleeeease get into the car, Logan?" I ask, changing my tone to very sweet version of me that doesn't really exist.

She lets out an annoyed sigh before plopping down into the seat.

--------------------------------

I took her to our spot. The place where we always go to 'talk about shit'. I hand her half of the tokens I just got from the machine in exchange for the crisp ten dollar bill I had to get from the employee after spending a million hours trying to stick my other crumpled bill in the slot to no avail. She turns and walks to the gopher game. You know, the one where you have the soft mallet and punch each one as their head pops out? That's her pissed off game. I follow and stand idly behind as she whacks furiously at the plastic animals.

"Why did you bring me here?" She asks as she continues to beat down every single gopher. I think she's going for a record.

"I wanted to apologize." She reaches down to tear off tickets that have accumulated on the floor. "For last night. For before. For everything."

She stands up and walks passed me to some skill machine. Putting a token in, she carefully maneuvers a bar so that it's lined up with something. "You should probably be apologizing to Spencer." I watch as the token rolls down the bar and through the hole she had been targeting. Lights start flashing as tickets start streaming out. "Jackpot!" She screams. She is on fire today!

"Yeah, well I did apologize. Last night." She looks up at me and smirks.

"I know." She bends down and starts folding tickets as they continue to pour out. "I mean you should apologize to her for today."

Now I'm confused. "How do you know about today?"

She puts the folded up tickets in her pocket. Which looks really silly by the way. Because there are a LOT of them. She turns and walks to the basketball game. Before putting a token in, she leans against the machine and looks me up and down. "You don't even know what you've gotten yourself into, do you?"

I can't lie to her. I shake my head and look down. "No. Not really."

I hear the sound of basketballs hitting the rim and look up. Finally, a game she's not good at. "Fuck. I hate this game." I smile, because I miss her. After the buzzer sounds, she looks down to see only 2 tickets. "Robbed." she mutters. Then leans against the machine again. "I've been talking to her. Yesterday after you left class, she asked me if I would keep an eye out on you. She was worried." She pushes her self off the machine with her leg and walks to the counter to order.

"Welcome to Chuck E Cheese."

After ordering salads and diet cokes, we sat down at a table. She's eating and I'm just looking at her expectantly.

She looks up. "What?" Always with a mouthful. Again, I'm realizing how much I missed her. Habits that I hated, now becoming everything I loved.

"So you were there at the club spying me?" That kind of sucks.

"Yeah." She sticks her fork into her salad repeatedly before taking another bite.

"And you told her about Kaylee." She just nods. "Why?"

"She swallows and sucks on her straw for a little before answering. "Because she asked me to."

"So what? You're like best friends now?" I'm annoyed. I feel kind of betrayed.

"No. I was being your best friend." I roll my eyes and stand up. I suddenly don't have an appetite.

And yes. I'm a bitch for leaving her there.

----------------------------------------

I never made it back to school. Just wasn't in the mood, I guess. OK, so I DID go back to school at lunch. I could see Spencer having a good time and laughing with the cheer bitches. So I left. Watching her in her element just made me realize that I don't have a place in her life. Not in her family's life. Not in her friend's life. And if I don't have a place there, how can I fit into her love life? So much for baptisms and new beginnings. Whatever. I'm not religious anyways.

I frown when I hear the 'SexyBack' ringtone blaring from my phone. I normally wouldn't have been caught dead purchasing a Justin Timberlake anything. But you know, the song had special Spencer Carlin meaning to it. I close my eyes and think back to her doing her sexy routine. Looking up at me every so often.

"Hello?"

"What is up with you?!" I dramatically lay back on the bed.

"Nothing. What's up with you?" I say blandly. Not exactly the response she was expecting.

"Ash, why are you doing this?" Because you're hurting me.

"Doing what?" That's right. Play dumb, Davies.

"Ignoring me." So you can't hurt me.

"I'm not." Denial is always good. But silence isn't. I fucking hate when she does that. Stops talking. It makes every single hair on my body stand at attention. Prickly. "OK, I was."

"Why?" _Sigh._

"Spencer... maybe this just isn't going to work." There goes my mouth. Always vomiting out nonsense before I think.

"Nice, Ashley." Nice? I'm anything but nice. But I did catch the sarcasm. I'm not stupid.

"What do you want from me?" I squint my eyes as if that is going to lessen the blow of her response.

"For you to stop ignoring me." She is so frustrating.

"I'm not ignoring you now." This feels so preschool. I am so preschool.

"What is this, Ashley? I thought... " She pauses. "I thought..." She pauses again. I know she's having a hard time saying whatever it is she's going to say. But she changes her mind because the next thing out of her mouth is "I guess I was wrong."

"Yeah, I guess we both were." I don't know what we're talking about, though.

"I guess there isn't anything else to say then." No. There's a lot more to say. I just can't say it.

"I guess not." Stupid watery eyes. Stupid tight chest. Stupid Ashley Davies. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

"I'll see you." She hangs up and I cry harder than I have in my entire existence. A bad cry. The kind of cry that grabs your throat and tightens it so hard that it feels like you swallowed a bowling ball and it's lodged in there. Where your tears feel like acid on your skin. Your head feels like it's going to explode. And your muscles are screaming for relaxation.

It's in this moment that I realize that I love her. Not only does it exist, but it fucking sucks.


	17. Chapter 17 Arrival

**Chapter 17:** **Arrival**

"Woo. Go Cobras." I mumble. Void of emotion as one of the King High players shot the ball into the basket.

"You have a friend on the team?" I look down to acknowledge the girl seated in front of me who has turned her body in my direction.

"Nope." My eyes roam over her visibly large chest, which is exaggerated by the somewhat twisted position she is in. "Just a fan." Our eyes meet for a couple of seconds before I turn my attention back to the court.

She stands, steps over the bench she was sitting on, and settles down to my right. "You don't look like the type."

I keep my eyes fixed ahead. Focused across the action and on a certain tingler who is waving pom poms about. "What type is that?"

"The type that follows their team to away games."

I shrug. "School Spirit." I suddenly see a turned up hand just above my lap.

"Madeline. But everyone calls me Maddy." I maneuver awkwardly to shake her hand.

"Ashley." The buzzer causes me to jump and release the appendage.

"You don't look the type." I turn my head to her with confusion. Didn't she already say that? She isn't looking at me. I follow her gaze to find that her eyes are firmly locked on Spencer, who is now sitting Indian style facing the court.

I roll my eyes, realizing that I was being quite obvious with my undivided attention on the the blonde cheerleader. "We come in all packages and sizes."

She chuckles and then we sit in silence for a bit. I'm, of course, somewhat annoyed that I'm having to have a conversation at all. When I decided that it would be a good idea to drive to Burbank High on a Friday night to watch Spencer cheer, I didn't plan on having company. A bunch of cheerleaders jump and kick into the middle of the court. They are in blue and white, and I furrow my eyebrows in disappointment.

"My brother is on the team!" She yells over the loud dance music that has filled the gym. "My parents make me go to all of his games." She makes a face. "For support or something."

"So your Fridays are just as exciting as mine, then." I acknowledge sarcastically.

"Unrequited love?" She asks out of nowhere, nodding toward Spencer, and growing on me. She's already confused me with repeated statements. And now she's shocked me with her bluntness. Maddy is alright.

I smirk over at her. "Why? Are you interested?" I can't help flirting. It's in my blood.

"Oh, no! I'm not into girls with _'School Spirit'_." She jokes playfully as she uses air quotes to solidify the punch line.

"You're gay?" I look her over as if I'll be able to tell by her appearance.

"Ha! No." She smiles and nudges her shoulder into mine. "But I couldn't resist. You are too easy."

We sat and talked comfortably throughout the rest of the game. Of course my eyes were trained on Spencer the entire time. Fascinated by how she could get the King High crowd on the other side of the court all riled up by simply jumping up and down and raising her pom poms. When they would do some kind of brief cheer, I admired her synchronicity with the other girls. Proud of how talented she is. But I didn't fail to notice that during the times she wasn't in cheer mode, she wasn't smiling.

Maddy had pointed out her brother Aaron, who apparently was a really good player. Only because I was repeatedly torn out of my trance by Maddy screaming _'Woo, Aaron's'_ and '_Go Aaron's'_ and every other type of sisterly encouragement you could possibly imagine. She pulled me up to stand with her during the final seconds of the game.

I don't know much about basketball. But I'm not stupid. A glance at the scoreboard tells me that the game is tied and there are only 19 seconds left. I watch as the man in stripes blows his whistle and hands the ball to some King High player standing on the sideline right next to where Spencer is. I had an internal struggle for about 1 nanosecond before I was following the ball being passed to a teammate. OK, so I admit it. This is mildly exciting. The player dribbled it to the top of the half archy thingy. He is quickly surrounded by Aaron and another player in blue and white. Arms are flailing all over which reminds me of some odd threesome robotic dance. With a ball. I don't know. All of the sudden, Aaron slaps the ball back into the other half of the court, chases it down and shoots it into the basket. Most of the gym erupts in cheers and hollers.

It only takes me a few seconds to realize that Maddy is hugging me. I push her away with a raised eyebrow. "Now who's got the spirit?"

She smiles and grabs my hand, leading me down the bleachers. "C'mon. I'll introduce you to my brother."

As I'm descending, I'm searching all over the court in disappointment. I can't see her. I didn't get to see her before it was over. I internally curse myself at getting caught up in the game.

-----------------------------------------

I not only got to meet her brother, but her parents too. It was a big ol' nice family exchange. Ugh. I desperately wanted out of there. They were nice enough, but I am just not used to that scene. Maddy recognized my discomfort and excused us.

Stopping outside of the gym she pokes me in my side. "He was into you."

"Most are." I tease with a grin.

"Modesty. I like that." She pulls out her phone. "What's your number?"

"Why? You want a second date?" Of course only playing. She's straight. And she's not Spencer.

"Shut up!" She giggles and I lean in and watch her type the digits as I say them. She closes her phone. "Don't you need mine?" I smile and reach down to take my phone out of the holster, but freeze when I glance up to find a very sad looking Spencer watching us as people are pouring out the doors. They are knocking into her as they walk passed but she seems unfazed by it. I see her gaze rotate between me, Maddy, and our phones before she simply starts walking toward the bus that is parked. I want to walk over and grab her and tell her this isn't what she thinks it is. But I can't. There are too many people. I feel a hand on my shoulder as Spencer ascends the stairs into the vehicle. "I guess that answers my question."

I quizzically turn to Maddy. "What?" Not really having heard what she said. The distraught expression that was on Spencer's beautiful face still playing on my mind.

"It's not unrequited." She says before walking back into the gym, leaving me there with only my thoughts.

----------------------------------------

It took me two bottles of Jack Daniels and the rest of the weekend to sort all of this out in my head. Maddy's words were on repeat and got to overplayed status quickly. It's not unrequited. At first, I thought she was crazy. But deep down I knew that she was actually right. I had seen the frown Spencer had been wearing throughout the game. I noticed that she wasn't happy. I witnessed her reaction to seeing me there exchanging numbers with another girl. It wasn't unrequited at all. She loves me.

I'm so stupid and mess everything up. It doesn't matter what I'm doing, it's going to end badly. Always my fault. Me and Spencer were going to make things work. We agreed to figure this out together. But I pushed her away. I broke her. Again. Why am I always so selfish? I only think about myself and not about others. The truth is, I only want to think about Spencer. I don't want to see sadness and frowns. I need to see her smiles and head tilts. So what if she doesn't want her parents to know about me? I don't really want them to know anyway. It's just the thought of her wanting to keep me a secret made me feel so...so...I don't know. Not important enough?

Whatever. I've decided to talk to her today. You know... put everything out there. Let her know how I feel. Usually she's here by now with Wilbur and the rest of the farm, though.

"Looking for something?" Logan takes a seat on the other side of the table.

"You're best friend." I shot back.

"Someone's cranky this morning." She pulls out a baggy with granola bars and offers it to me. I shake my head 'no' and she pulls one out and takes a bite. "Fine. More for me."

"You really shouldn't talk with your mouth full." I advise as I search the quad looking for Spencer's arrival.

She swallows before speaking. "Ash, I'm sorry." My head snaps so that I face her. I'm stunned. I've never heard those words come out of her mouth. This must be serious. "Don't look at me like that."

"Like what?" I look down at my coffee cup.

"Like you're surprised." She puts her granola bar back in the baggy and places it in her bag. "I only did it because she asked me to. She was afraid you'd do something stupid. And so was I." She sighs in frustration when I don't respond. "She said you were ignoring her texts. The only time you do that is when you're frustrated. And we both know what you do to relieve frustration."

"We kind of broke up." I reveal. "I mean, if we were even ever really _together_." Sipping at my coffee as I survey the quad again.

"I know. She called me right after." Of course she did.

"Why are you talking to her?!" I dramatically slam the palm of my hands on top of the table. "Stop!"

She smirks. "You jealous?"

_Sigh._ I raise my eyebrows and a smile forms. "A little?"

"Well don't be. She nice. But not my type." She looks me up and down. But in a playful way. Which makes me feel like we are getting back to the way we were before.

"Oh, I'm not jealous of yo-" My voice trails off at the end of that sentence as my eyes are assaulted with something I definitely wasn't expecting.

"Ash, are you OK?" She follows my line of sight. "Fuck. What is she doing?" I don't even have words. I feel my chest tighten and all these emotions trying to come to the surface. I just don't know which one is going to cross the finish line first. "Ash, don't do anything stupid." Logan knows me best. She already anticipates that anger is going to win outright. I quickly jump to my feet. Logan tries to grab my arm but I jerk her hand off viciously as I speedily storm across the quad.

I stop when I've reached my destination. I put on the best fake smile I can muster up. "Spencer." I say as cheerily as possible. "Can I talk to you?"

"Sorry. I'm busy." She answers bitterly as she raises their joined hands, indicating exactly what she is busy with. She starts to lead him toward the lockers and I grab her other hand to stop her.

"It's really important." I say more seriously. Which makes her nervous because she is rocking on her heels and avoiding my eyes.

"Don't you have a _life partner_ you can tell your important things to?" Aiden says as he nods in the direction of Logan, who is intently watching the scene unfold.

"Don't you have a gym you need to be at to lust over all the hot man candy that are there?" Because that's all he's ever been good at. Spending time in the gym.

"STOP it!" Spencer yells in frustration and releases Aiden's hand. "I have to go to class." She walks off leaving Aiden and I watching her make her way down the hallway.

"Asshole." I mutter.

"Dyke." He retorts.

--------------------------------------------------

I make sure to get to English early, knowing this is the only time I'm going to have to talk to Spencer. I smile when I see that she is already there. I sit down next to her, put my elbow on my desk and lead my head in my hand while I watch her intently. She is staring at the chalkboard.

"Stop it." She hisses in a whisper.

"I can't." She sighs and continues to avoid my gaze. "You're beautiful."

She turns and gives me a _'You can't be serious'_ look. I knew that would work.

"What were you doing with Aiden?" She doesn't answer as she starts to pull materials out of her bag. "I want to talk to you. About us." Her head snaps up and she shoots daggers into my eyes.

"Us?" She stands up. "US?!" She questions loudly and is waving her index finger between the two of us. Suddenly I'm really uncomfortable and looking around the classroom to see that the few other people who are also here early are staring at us now. She bends over and whispers into my ear as I find myself sinking lower and lower into the chair. "There's no us, Ashley." She pulls away, takes a deep shaky breath and sits back down. I'm just about to push myself back up into a more comfortable sitting position when I hear her say, "You made that very clear." But now I don't have the strength. So I just stay slouched and uncomfortable. Because I deserve it.

It can't just be over. She can't be with Aiden. She can't hate me. I don't want to give up. I don't want her to give up. So I do the only thing I can think of to fix this. I pull out my phone and type a message out with nervous fingers. I press send and lay the phone on my desk. I don't look over when I hear the buzz of Spencer's phone or her rummaging through her purse to pull it out. I also can't look at her as she sniffles, packs up her shit, and walks out of the classroom in a hurry.

I guess that didn't work.

I open my phone, navigate to the sent messages menu, and read the text with blurry eyes.

_**I'm in love with you.**_

_Delete_


	18. Chapter 18 Lay Your Love On Me

**Chapter 18: Lay All Your Love On Me**

"You told her you love her?" Logan asks sheepishly while sitting on my kitchen counter eating ice cream out of the container. With a mouth full and spoon still halfway inside. Of course. "Via cell phone." She doesn't ask. It's a statement, that tells me she's not impressed.

I lean back against the kitchen island to face her, tossing an orange back and forth between my hands nervously. "That's what I said, didn't I?"

"I would have run out crying, too!" She hops off the counter, throws the spoon in the sink and tosses the empty carton into the trash compacter.

"Not exactly the response I was expecting." I place the orange back into the fruit basket I grabbed it from earlier and start walking toward the living room.

Logan grabs a couple of bottled waters from the fridge before following me. "Oh please." She plops down next to me on the couch with enough force to launch me off but I brace myself to prevent injury. "You're so romantic, Ash." She says sarcastically while rolling her eyes and handing me one of the waters. "What next? Send her an email to ask her to homecoming?"

I playfully push her head in the opposite direction. "You're a bitch." Then I go directly to pouting for sympathy. Because I really need it. This sucks. "I'm so pathetic. When did I get this way?"

"Vacation." She says as if it's so obvious. And maybe it was. Maybe I was just over thinking everything. Why couldn't I just let everything run it's course? Because I'm just a fuck up. That's why. I do everything wrong. I don't know how to love someone. Not even myself.

I turn on the TV and switch through channels. I'm just flipping through them aimlessly. I haven't been paying attention as my thoughts are on Spencer. I wish I would have looked at her as she walked out. To see her face. To try and catch her eyes and see if they revealed anything. She can't be over me already, right? Why was she holding hands with Aiden? Oh god. What did I do?

Logan grabs the remote from me. "Go make it right."

Huh?

"Huh?"

She turns the TV off, stands, and offers a hand to help me up. "Spencer. Go profess your luuuurve in person." She says cutely. When I don't respond she adds, "Unless you want me to go hook up the laptop."

That breaks me out of the daze I was in. Or was it a daze? More like complete fright of actually verbalizing anything like that out loud. "Laptop?"

"So you can send her an instant message." She pinches my cheek and talks to me like I'm a baby. "So wittle Ashley doesn't have to be a big grown up and have grown up conversations."

I swat her hand away with a smile on my face until I suddenly realize something. "Why are you doing this?" I say in all seriousness.

She recognizes the mood change and steps back a bit crossing her arms. "Doing what?" With a shrug.

"Helping me with Spencer." She doesn't answer so I continue. "Why would you do that if you're in love with m-"

"We're better as friends." She interrupts.

I'm not so sure she's right about that. I've always thought that we would be good together. There wasn't anything I wanted more than to be with her after that amazing night in Aiden's room. But she proclaimed it was a mistake because she was straight and blew it off. Then our social downfall happened at school so it was all just too much to deal with. I never kissed anyone after her. Not until Spencer. Spencer... the girl that infected me with tingles. No, Logan is right. I'm only good with Spencer.

"Thank you." I hug her and give her a kiss on the cheek before walking to the foyer. I call over my shoulder as I open the door to leave. "Looky, Mommy! Ash be BIG girl now!" I walk out and apprehensively make my way to the car not at all convinced by my own words.

----------------------------------------

So I should be inside the Carlin residence right now. I've had plenty of time to think about what I'm going to say to Spencer. You know, since I pulled up into the driveway next to Aiden's Jeep and all. I'm not bitter. I just don't think it would be a good idea to tell her that I'm in love with her while her boyfriend is in proximity. Boyfriend? Is that what he is? I feel sick. Why didn't I just drive passed the house when I saw his stupid car here anyway? Probably because I know I'll chicken out if I don't do this now. Tonight. So I sit. And I wait. Wait for him to come out. Heh. Come out. Like Spencer is going to? Whatever. This is such a mistake. I'm out of here.

I start the ignition, put the gear shift in reverse, and start to back out. That is, until I see Aiden walking out of the house. _Brake_. He pauses for a moment to look at me. What the hell? Why is he looking at me like that?

He walks in front of my car, hops into his Jeep and rolls down the window. "Whore."

"Fag!" I yell as he pulls out of the driveway.

I get out of the car and slowly walk up to the front door. I stick my finger out to ring the doorbell. But there must be some invisible shield there, because no matter how hard I try, I can't press it. I try over and over again. I sigh in frustration and lean my head against the wood barricade that keeps me separated from Spencer. After a few moments, the door swings open and I collapse onto someone.

"Oh HELL no." Great. It's fucking Glen. With a basketball. I hope he doesn't hurl it at my head or anything.

"Is Spencer here?" I ask trying to avoid any awkward confrontation.

"No." He closes the door slightly and is now standing in front of it with his arms crossed around the basketball. Perfect. First a barricade and now a guard.

"I know she's here. I need to see her." I'm shuffling my weight around. Why am I not cool around Carlins? God damn.

"Glen, who's at the doo-" Arthur opens the door completely. "Oh hi, Ashley. Good to see you. Come in."

I smirk at Glen as I walk passed him. "Thanks Mr. C."

"Go ahead on up the stairs. Spencer is in her room. "Spence! Ashley's here!"

I pause and cringe halfway up as he announces my arrival. I guess I was kind of hoping she wouldn't have a chance to hop out her window to escape or anything.

----------------------------

She's so beautiful. I walked up here to find her laying flat on her stomach, scrolling through songs on her Ipod. She's facing the TV across from her bed and hasn't noticed me leaning here against her door frame.

"She's not gay." Glen startles me as he whispers from behind me. I've had enough of him, so I walk in the room and shut the door. I can't believe she still hasn't noticed me. But that's not surprising. I can hear the music coming from her earbuds. She has the volume up way too loud.

I cautiously walk to the side of the bed where her feet are sprawled out on top of some pillows. I just can't resist. I reach down and tickle one of them. She jumps so fast that her Ipod goes flinging across the room into her dresser as she turns around and scowls at me. Scowls? Um...

"Hi?" Insert cheesy smile here. She doesn't say anything as she hops off the bed to pick the ipod up.

"Helloooo." I say cleverly. She walks into her closet. I expect her to come back out any time. Any time. Like around now. How about now? Um... NOW.

_Sigh._

I walk into the closet and see her sitting down against the far wall with her knees raised against her chest and the palms of her hands in her eyes. I hurt. Not just for her, but with her. That's new.

"You going to ignore me all night?" I say with that voice I only recognize when I'm with her.

She looks up and instantly I'm afraid. Because it's the eye language that I'm not fully certified in, yet. And I haven't seen this look before. I think it may be anger. No. Confused anger? My eyes are pleading and asking _'What are your eyes saying?_' I know, it's basic. But that's what you get when you haven't studied the dialect.

Suddenly, she is standing. She's walking. She has her hands grabbing fist fulls of my hair. Ow. Oh. _Mphhh_

Her mouth is on mine and her tongue is demanding entrance. Who am I to deny her? She's kissing me hard and passionately. I'm melting as my hands try to find someplace on her body to hold onto but are failing miserably as they just roam all over her hips, back, shoulder blades, and everywhere else. This kiss is angry. As if she is trying to mark her territory. Claim me. And as I kiss her back right now, I'm telling her that I'm in love with her.

She pulls away abruptly and places a hand on my chest to keep me at an arms length. Her other hand is cupping her forehead as she looks to the ground. "I can't do this."

I'm sure I resemble something like a fish. Because I can feel my mouth opening and closing trying to tell her that she CAN do this. But nothing is coming out. So not only can I not speak with my eyes, and I failed at speaking with my kiss or she wouldn't have pulled away, and now I can't speak with my mouth. I told you. Ashley Davies can not do anything right!

"You need to go." She attempts to push me back but I hold my ground. I made it through the barricade and the guard. I'm not going to leave without the girl.

She looks up with furrowed eyebrows. Her blue eyes are locked on mine. She's looking so deep in me that I feel exposed. But when her lips are on mine again, I just feel relieved. This time it's different. Her barely-there open mouthed kisses are making my lips quiver as she repeatedly claims every single inch of them. Her hands have moved to hold my face tenderly and my hands have travelled to mirror her actions. This is the most romantic moment of my life.

Until she breaks the kiss and holds me at arms length again, only with both hands on my shoulders now. Her eyes are firmly rooted on the floor as she whispers. "You really... really have to go."

I don't want to go. I just want to kiss her forever. I'm afraid that If I leave, I will never have the chance again. So I don't move, still not finding the words that I had so expertly planned out in my car earlier.

Feeling the pressure of her trying to move me out of the closet again, I respond back with resistance.

Then I feel her body against mine completely as her hands reach behind me and grab my ass, pulling me impossibly closer to her. When she moans into my mouth and presses her thigh between my legs, I internally curse the ache between my legs. Because that wasn't the plan for tonight. Love was the plan. Me telling Spencer that I'm IN love with her was the plan. Having a grown up conversation was the plan. But I'm Ashley Davies. And where there's an ache, there is sex. Plain and simple.

My hands find their way down her body and to the back of her thighs as I pick her up. She effortlessly wraps her legs around me and I quickly have her against that far wall, supporting her with my body pressed against hers. My lips tear away as I nip at her jaw and then neck. My right hand moves to her stomach and trails down to the button of her jeans. I can feel her rapid breathing in my ear in between sucking and biting on my lobe. With an expert precision, I unhook the button and move to her zipper. God. The sound of zippers.

I awkwardly shove my hand down her underwear but am frustrated that I can't get to that perfect spot due to the position we're in. She realizes and I feel her legs falling to the floor to give me better access. And there is that invisible shield again. Someone up there has to be playing a cruel joke on me tonight. I take her bottom lip in mine and press my nose against her. I don't move. I'm just trying to clear my thoughts for a few seconds.

I extract my hand and bring it up to caress her neck as our faces are melded together. "What's going on with you and Aiden?" I whisper against her lips.

I let her wiggle out of my embrace, fasten her jeans, and walk back into her bedroom as I lean my forehead against the wall in defeat. Why did I let her? Because this time it was my fault for ruining the moment. After several minutes of self pity, I mumble to myself, "What would Brian Boitano do?"

Since my failed attempt to humor myself didn't work, I turned and walked into the bedroom with slumped shoulders. "Spencer..."

She sits down on the edge of the bed. "We're not together." Fuck. I know. I screwed up.

"But I want to be." And that is about as truthful as I can get, right there.

"No." She's picking at her cuticles. "I'm talking about me and Aiden."

I can't stop the stupid smile that just appeared. "Really?"

She looks at me and then instantly breaks eye contact with a severe blush. She's so cute. "Yes, really."

Now I'm over thinking again. "What about the thing with the hands?" Yeah. Real eloquent, Ash.

Spencer sighs. "I went out with him over the weekend."

"Oh." Why does that hurt so much? "Do you like him?" Please say no.

"No." Thank god.

"Why was here, then?"

"I told him I was in love with someone else." Heart. Officially meat Skip A. Beat.

And before I even realize it, I'm on my knees between her legs, my arms desperately wrapped around her. Holding her so tightly, with my head leaning into her stomach, choking out repeatedly "I'm in love with you. I'm in love with you. I'm in love with you..."

I feel her hands delicately caressing my head. "Shhh. It's OK." She uses one hand to lift my head so that she can look at me as she whispers "I'm in love with you too, Ashley."

We're smiling dumbly at each other. Looking at each other with watery eyes. Not wanting this moment to end.

"Spencer, dad wants to know if you guys want some Ice Crea-" Why didn't I lock that door? We should probably move. I'm sure with her back towards him and me kneeling with my head between her legs, does NOT look good..."What the fuck is this?"

"Drugs." Spencer says coldly over her shoulder.

"Well I guess I'll just tell dad that you've already eaten your dessert." He exists dejectedly and shuts the door.

Spencer and I look at each other again for a few seconds before bursting into fits of laughter.

I gain my compsure back and squeeze Spencer's thights. "Spence?"

"Yeah?"

"Didn't you say you had another brother?"


	19. Chapter 19 I Have A Dream

**Chapter 19: I Have A Dream**

I'm listening to her talk. It's the most I've heard her say in a long time. Her scratchy voice gets high pitched and squeaky when she is excited. It gets smaller and pouty when she is said. Her lips tighten paper thin when she is upset. Every single octave of that voice and every single position and size of those lips are captivating. I'm nodding as I listen. I'm surprising myself at how I can be so enthralled with everything that is Spencer and still manage to pay attention to her talk about her adopted brother, Clay. And when she talks about him, with so much love, and alternatively so much sadness, I wonder briefly if she has ever talked about me like that. Did she make these sounds and faces when she asked Logan to check up on me? Because if she did, I can't blame Logan at all. I don't think there is a single person in the universe that could deny this gorgeously sweet girl anything. Well, except me. But I plead temporary insanity.

"... and so we never really see him." Spencer finishes.

"Ohio State, huh?" Spencer nods as I get up to sit down next to her on the bed. "Is he going to fly out here for the Holidays?"

She raises one leg onto the bed and swivels to face me. "I hope so." Her head drops as she fidgets with her a string from her ripped jeans. "I miss him."

Feeling sorry for the string, I take her hand and caress it. I don't think I've ever done this. You know... be comforting and all. But since that is what is burning in my gut to do, I'm doing it. And if it comes this easily, I'm thinking I could be an OK girlfriend. Except the words aren't there. I'm hoping they will be someday. Instead, I use my other hand to raise her chin so that my eyes can say what my mouth can't. _It's OK._

Spencer nods again, not breaking our intense gaze. So I know that she understood. And I'm searching her eyes for that magical power she has that makes me feel this way. Like my heart is outside of my chest, that my breathing is controlled by someone other than myself, and tiny little ants live just beneath my skin crawling and causing prickly sensations that can't be scratched away. The feelings are too overwhelming, so I let go of her hand and place both of mine on my knees while my eyes flutter to the mattress. I inhale deeply, trying to gain some control back over my breath and exhale slowly. "So..."

"So..." She mimics. I'm too scared to look at her and be engulfed in that love sensation again. It's like a drug that I'm realizing has to be moderated as to ensure there is no overdose.

I don't know why I have trouble talking to her. I want to. I need to. If I don't, then I'm denying myself of the sweetest voice that has ever invaded my ears. Also, there needs to be a conversation about...things. I'm not going to pretend that saying 'I'm in love with you' fixes everything. In fact, I didn't think it would. I was just so scared of her pulling away forever, that I would regret it if she never heard it. Never knew it.

She puts me out of my misery. "I should probably go to bed." She stands up and tugs me off of the bed, leading me to her bedroom door. I feel her arms wrap around my waist as she leans her forehead into the crook of my neck. Her breath is warm against my skin as she whispers, "This feels right."

Now having total control of my breathing, I inhale the sent of her hair while my fingers unconsciously draw circles on her lower back. "I'm glad you think so." I whisper back as loose strands of her hair tickle my nose.

She leans back and wraps her hands around my neck, resting her arms on my shoulders. "I know so." She half smiles before leaning in to capture my lips in a gentle kiss that tells me I'd be a fool to not believe her.

I reluctantly pull away and grab the door knob. I know I'm grinning stupidly at her as I jiggle the gold ball in my hand. I don't want to leave this room. Am I stupid for thinking that it can never be as good as it is right now in this moment? What's left after closet make-outs, I love you's, tingles, and gentle kisses? I guess I'm going to find out. "Pick you up tomorrow?"

"I'd be offended if you didn't." And with one last kiss on the cheek, she swats my hand away from the knob, opens the door and playfully pushes me out of it.

------------------------------------

"No matter what you do, do not ask me to be your girlfriend, OK?"

"It's 2 a.m., Ash..." She says sleepily into the phone.

"I know. I just couldn't sleep." I sigh. "Promise me, OK?"

"Promise you what?" God. Remind me never to talk to sleepy Spence again.

"That you won't ask me to be your girlfriend!" I wait for her response. Waiting... Waiting... "Spence?"

"Mhmm?"

"Are you sleeping?"

"Huh uh" This was such a bad idea.

"Liar. Wake up! This is important." I whine.

She breathes in deeply attempting to make herself more alert. "OK. Now what were you saying?"

I roll my eyes. "Nevermind." The moment is over. I'm over it.

"What? Now that I'm awake?!" She's so cute when she's annoyed.

"You snooze you lose." I say with a smirk.

"No... I snooze and I get sleep."

"You're cranky when you're tired, Miss Carlin." And cranky Spencer is cute.

I barely hear her mumble, "I'm sorry." She's drifting off again.

"Ill let you go. See you tomorrow."

"Mmmhmm. Love you." She breathes out and it catches me off guard a little.

"Yeah... you too."

-----------------------------------

Spencer is standing on her porch as I pull up into her driveway. She's going to kill me, I swear. I almost ran into her garage door, I was so sidetracked by her outfit. A very short white frilly skirt and a purple tank top that reveals way too much stomach. Her golden hair is somewhat curly and bounces gracefully as she walks to the passenger side and gets in. I look down at her thighs and then slowly burn a path from her waist, passed her stomach, over her breasts, along her collarbone, and finally up to meet her eyes. Eyes which are all knowing and pleased. "I'm glad I picked this outfit."

"Eh. It's alright." I start the ignition and back out, finding it very difficult to avoid looking at her during the simple maneuver.

She giggles. "You know, I had the strangest dream last night." I can see her smirking at me through my peripheral vision as we make our way down the street. "I dreamt you called and told me not to ask you to be my girlfriend."

"What? I thought you were sleeping. You heard that? Why didn't you answer?" I grab the gear shift to calm myself down. That sounded so uncool. Go me! Uncool Ashley. I hate that Ashley.

She cups her hand over mine. "Relax. I just didn't want to have that conversation at 2 in the morning."

"It's not a big deal, Spencer. It wasn't going to be all heavy or anything." I glance over at her and she's smiling sweetly at me. I can't help but return a similar smile.

"What did you mean by it?" She asks kind of timidly.

"Nothing." I have to pull my hand away to make a turn. "I just hate it when people say 'Will you be my girlfriend?' or boyfriend or whatever." She's quiet now. I hope I didn't hurt her feelings or anything.

"Ash?" Here it comes.

"Yeah?" I grip the steering wheel tightly.

"We've had sex." I probably got whiplash from the speed in which my head turned to her in shock. She just smiles. "And we're not in second grade." Her hand reaches over, through my hair, and massages my neck lightly. "If I ask you anything, you can rest assured that it's going to be a lot more grown up than that." She finishes with a seductive tone.

She just gets me.

---------------------------------------

We were running late for school, and didn't have time to test out our new 'friendship' on Madison and her barn mates. We separated as soon as we got out of my car. It was a little bit awkward. All I wanted to do was kiss her, but knew that couldn't happen out in the public parking lot. I made myself a mental note to make sure we pull over somewhere before getting here each morning. I mean, I'm dating Spencer Carlin. Who wouldn't start the day off right by engaging in a little heavy petting with her?

"You didn't call me back last night." Logan with her mouth full, approaches me at my locker. She's holding a half eaten apple close to her chest.

"Yeah..." Fuck, why is my locker so messy?! "I went to Spencer's. Remember?" Some books fall to the ground and I lean down to grab them.

"I know. I want to know how it went." She takes a bite out of her apple.

"Good." I shove the fallen books back in and search for that something I was looking for- "Found it!"

"Found what?" She tries to peek as I extract the necklace and put it in my bag.

"Nothing, I just was going to give-" I'm interrupted by a playful nudge on the shoulder by a hot girl in a too short white skirt and purple tank top. that is way to revealing for school. I make a mental note to tell her that. I sure hope I can remember all of this stuff. Being in a relationship is hard work.

"Hey Logan." She says adorably. Although, by the looks of it, I don't think Logan would describe her as adorable. She might describe Spencer as a piece of meat by the way she's looking at her. I grab Spencer's hand and drag her away as I give Logan a playful glare.

I hurriedly walk us down the hall and into the bathroom. Which (thank god) is empty. I open the stall at the end and push Spencer in, locking it behind us. I reach into my bag, but before I have a chance to grab what I was looking for, I'm shoved up against the door and tasting Altoids on her tongue. It gets heated quickly and I battle for dominance as I switch our positions and press my body hard against her. I know how to do this. This is what Ashley Davies is all about. I run my hands around the back of her thighs and inch her skirt up around her waist as my leg makes its way between her legs. I break the kiss and breathe against her mouth. "I fucking love this outfit. You should wear it like... everyday."

I must have said something right, because she assaulted my mouth so hard that our teeth painfully met. But that's OK. It was kind of hot. Just like it's hot as she takes control and turns us around again. Her hands are all over and through my hair. God, I'm so turned on, right now. She pulls away panting. "OK stop."

I raise an Eyebrow. "Stop?"

"Yeah." She pats down her skirt. "Stop."

"You started it." I say smugly.

"Well, I can't help it. You're just so cute."

I roll my eyes. "We've talked about this. I don't do cute."

She fixes my hair for me. "Whatever."

I take the time to finally pull the necklace out of my bag. "Will you take this now?" I reach out to hand it to Spencer.

She takes it from me and studies it a moment. "Ash, you are such the romantic." She says deadpans.

I shrug. "That's why the ladies love me."

She reaches up to put the necklace on while inching toward me. "That's not why I love you." She says huskily.

I gulp. That is definitely not a Spencer octave that I have memorized. "Wh- Why do you love me?" I stutter as she finishes clasping the necklace and there is no more space between our bodies.

Her breath makes a trail from my chin up, up my jawline and to my ear as she whispers, "Because you're cuuuuuute."

I'm just about to get in a good protesting remark, the bathroom door opens.

"Oh.my.god." We hear Madison's voice. "I saw her drive up with that dyke!"

Spencer puts on her angry face and tries to push me away from the door to exit, but I quietly restrain her, shaking my head.

"I don't get it." A faucet turns on. "Didn't that bitch learn anything?" I think that's Sherry's voice.

"Whatever." The water stops. "She obviously didn't."

"Girl, looks like you fucked up the wrong lesbo."

There are footsteps and then the bathroom door opens. "I can always fuck up one more."

Silence consumes us. I look at Spencer to find she is wearing the same shocked expression that I felt take over my face.

"Madison?" She asks with confusion or disbelief. Maybe a little of both.

"Madison." I confirm with gritted teeth. My statement sounding more like a mission than uncertainty.

------------------------------------------


	20. Chapter 20 Under Attack

**Chapter 20: Under Attack**

I was fuming. All I could think about what getting to Madison and bashing her head into a locker several times. After I had ripped open the stall door and ran out of the bathroom, Spencer caught up after jogging the length of the hallway and was trailing close behind me. I could tell that she was having trouble keeping my pace by the sound of her jagged breaths. I was moving on pure adrenaline.

"What are you going to do?" She asks worriedly.

"Kill her." I say without hesitation because Madison is a fucking skank bitch that needs to die.

"You can't kill her here." I roll my eyes as I round a corner. I'm frantically searching for that stupid ugly whore.

"She can't just get away with it!" I huff, before confirming she isn't anywhere in sight and speed walking in another direction.

Spencer continues to follow behind me. "She won't. We won't let her. But you need to calm down."

"Calm down?! Fuck that." I turn down another walkway. Where the hell is she?

She grabs at my arm "Ash, stop." I yank it away and only walk faster.

"Stop following me!" I yell over my shoulder. I'm a bitch. But I'm a bitch on a mission. And Spencer isn't going to be a distraction.

"No! I'm not going to stop following you." She's walking very close behind me now. I feel little hairs on my neck standing at attention as some strands of her hair brush over my exposed shoulder. "I love you. And I don't want you to do something stupid." I hear in a rushed whisper by my ear. I shrug it off as I turn another corner.

"Mmmph." Ow. Hello dirty floor. Every ounce of me hopes that it's Madison, so that I have more of an excuse to strangle her. I look up and see Aiden smirking down on me. Great. Even better.

"Muff diver."

"Pillow biter!" I spat back.

He scoffs indignantly before his gaze travels up and behind me. His features transform into a warm smile. "Spencer, my queen." He steps around me and takes her hand and brings it to his lips. Queen? What the hell is that about?

I'd get up and beat his ass, except my limbs are frozen in shock.

"Aiden..." Spencer pulls her hand away and looks down at me, not finishing her sentence.

I'd really like to know what is going on. Queen? Kisses? I thought she broke it off with him. And who calls someone 'Queen' anyway? I slowly gain control of my arms and legs and lift myself up off of the floor.

"What is this?" I motion between the two of them with a finger, not really caring how jealous I sound.

"Oh, just soon to be the hottest couple in school." He boasts as he throws his arm around Spencer's shoulder and gives her a light squeeze.

I look to Spencer for answers and she just shrugs, looking every bit confused as me.

"Couple?" I furrow my eyebrows in confusion.

He lets out a loud laugh that bounced off the lockers. "Homecoming. We're nominated!"

Um. OK.

---------------------------------------

I couldn't stay at school any longer. After the Aiden incident, I just walked to my car and took off. Home wasn't an optional destination. Christine has been riding me about my attendance for the past few weeks. I don't blame her. Even I am beginning to feel like a stranger on the King High campus. Because clearing of the head is a definite necessity, it isn't long before I'm pulling up to another campus.

"Hey! Know anyone around here with school spirit?" I shout to the familiar girl approaching my car.

She gives me a flirtatious smile while her hand finds the passenger door handle. "Why? Looking for for a girl with some pep?"

"Hmmm." I pretend to ponder as I reach over and pull my iPod and purse off the seat to make room for her to sit. "Nope." I throw the items in the back and feel a genuine smile forming. "Already got one of those."

"Yeah, it's like a requirement that cheerleaders are all full of the pep, right?" She chuckles as she primps herself in the visor mirror pulled down. "I can just imagine it." I pull out of the parking lot as I hear her cheer. "Give me an O!" Her arms raise, pretending to shake pom-poms above her head. "Give me an R!" They fall straight out to her sides, her left hand almost punching me in the process. "Give me a G!"

"Ohmygod!" I reach over and shove her arms down. "Maddy!" I playfully scold.

"Oh whatever!" She extracts her arms from my grip and flips the visor back up. "Don't tell me that isn't like...one of your fantasies or something."

I laugh at that. It's true. I've had many fantasies of one beautiful blonde in a cheerleading outfit. But in my dreams, the cheering doesn't usually start until after...

"So why did you text me asking me to skip?" She interrupts my dirty thoughts.

I shrug. "Need an outside perspective on things."

----------------------------------------

"...then maybe she'll get a taste of her own medicine." She finishes before slurping the last bit of her mocha frappuccino.

We stopped off at Starbucks and are now aimlessly walking around, glancing in store windows, while having a conversation that seems so deep and inappropriate for our surroundings. But that's kind of what I like about Maddy. Nothing is too heavy for her. She is a completely unbiased friend who makes me feel like I can talk to her about anything. Anywhere.

"You would do that?" We've been talking every day since we met at the basketball game. Fast friends. But even so, what she is proposing goes way beyond anything I could ever expect her to do for me.

She nudges me with her shoulder and then tosses her empty cup into a trash can. "She deserves it."

I lightly grab her wrist to stop our movement and turn to face her. "But why would you do that?" My eyes gravitate to the ground. "I mean, you barely know me. And just so you know... I'm not a very good person. Or friend."

Her hand on my shoulder causes me to glance back up at her. "You're a good friend, Ashley. You've called me everyday since we met and send me perverted texts all day." She turns and starts walking again. "You don't give yourself enough credit."

I blow a stray hair out of my face before taking off after her. "I treat you better than I do Spencer."

She laughs knowingly. "And you should change that!"

As if on cue, my cell phone rings. I pull it from the holster and look at the caller ID. "It's Spencer." I raise my finger at Maddy, indicating her to stop. I turn around and answer. "Hey."

"Where are you? You weren't in English." So much for a 'Hi'.

"I'm just... hanging out." Suddenly I feel really guilty. I haven't told Spencer about Maddy. Mainly because we haven't had a chance to. But I honestly don't know if I would have mentioned her anyway. I don't want to have to deal with a jealous girlfriend. And she would be, knowing that this is the same girl from the basketball game that night.

"I thought you'd be here to give me a ride home." She's upset. She just deadpanned that sentence to me and it stings. I turn around and eye Maddy chatting up some boy before looking at my watch.

"Wait. Why aren't you at practice?"

"Are you kidding me?! I'm not going to be a part of a squad that has a homophobic gay basher leading it." Oh shit. That's going to ruin the plan.

"Spencer!" I talk closer into the phone at a slowed pace. "You.Have.To.Go.To.Practice."

"No way." God. She is so stubborn. I'd be lying if I said that it made me angry. It's just another thing that makes me proud of her. Makes me attracted to her. Makes me frustrated with her. But in that good way.

"Do you trust me?" I ask sweetly.

"No." _Sigh._

"Ooookay." New tactic. "If you go to practice and pretend to be cool with Madison, I'll pick you up after. Then we can..." I can't help the smirk on my face. "Talk."

Maddy bounces up and practically squeals into the phone, "Like, Oh. My. God! Tell your peppy cheerleader I say 'Hi'!" Oh god. I quickly turn my back to her, shielding her from the phone.

"Who was that?" I close my eyes hoping that something profound will come to me. I squeeze my lids tighter as if it will speed along my excuse process. "Ash?"

"That's uh... um... a friend?" Nice one, Davies. You're really winning at the relationship thing. "Spence?" I look at the phone to see that the call was ended. I place it my holster and turn to Maddy with a look of disbelief.

"Not my fault." She counters while waving her hand back and forth. "You shouldn't keep secrets." After a few moments, she smiles and links her arm with mine and pulls me down the street. "Come on. Take me home."

----------------------------------------

Five voice mails, a trip to King High, a drive by her house, and no sign of Spencer.

I've been driving around all evening trying to think of where she would be. Then I came to the sad realization that I don't know where she likes to go in her free time. I've never asked her. I've been so self absorbed with my own feelings. Only thinking of beaches in Cancun, eye conversations at school, naughty picture messages, showers, bedroom 'I love yous', and bathroom make-outs. I couldn't tell you what her favorite color is. Or movie. Or food. How can I love someone when I barely know anything about them? Maybe I've confused those feelings of tingles with love. No. Stop trying to talk yourself out this, Davies. Anytime the going gets rough, you pull away and make excuses. Not this time.

I pull up in front of my house resigned to the fact that I'll just have to wait for Spencer to cool off. A part of me thought she might be waiting for me on the steps. The night of our failed baptism.

I laugh out how sappy that was. That I was. Spencer Carlin. That's how I know I love her. She makes me do everything I normally wouldn't do. Just so that she can pierce me with her stunning blue eyes and hold me with her sweet arms. But I make a silent promise to myself to really get to know the girl that makes my body numb with tingles.

After shutting my car door and walking toward the house, I hear a crunching or crumpling noise off to the right. I stop and look around but it's too dark to make anything out. "Hello?"

I stand still for about a minute but don't hear any more sounds. I continue toward the front door when I'm startled to a stop again by the same sound I heard moments before. "Spencer?" I look around, squinting into the darkness. I know that I won't see anything based on my previous failed attempt. "Mom?" I take a deep breath and feel goose bumps rise on my arms. I hurry to the door and fumble with the keys due to my jittery hands.

That's when it hits me. I don't know what hits me, but something does. Because I fall to the ground with a loud guttural groan that I didn't recognize. The impact to the back of my head was so harsh that my eyesight is blurry. And not from tears. I try to push myself up, but am taken out with another blow to the side of my ribcage. My face is pressed into the ground and I'm barely holding my upper body up with my elbows. I can't move. There is no strength. The pain has paralyzed me. I feel another sharp hit in my lower back, which effectively lays me out on the ground. In one last ditch effort, I attempt to crawl to the door. A flash. Only a millisecond. I catch something in the corner of my eye before feeling agonizing pain to the side of my face. I think of tingles before everything fades to black.

-------------------------------------------

"Is she OK?"

"She could have a concussion."

"...called an ambulance..."

I hear muffled voices as I try to open my eyes. I'm having difficulty doing that, though. My lids feel like they are stapled shut. I manage to get one slightly opened. I see blurry blonde hair and blue eyes. I smiled. Internally at least, if not physically. Who can tell for sure? Spencer...

--------------------------------------------

"Ashley? Wake up, honey." A strange soothing voice enters my ears.

I blink my eyes open, again met with blonde hair and blue eyes. But I know that voice doesn't belong to the person that belongs to me.

"Where am I?" I manage to mutter.

"You're in the hospital, sweetie." The woman fluffs the pillows behind me. I don't have enough strength to tell her that it hurts. God, my fucking head hurts.

The room is becoming more clear now. I try to sit up but am stopped with a firm palm on my chest.

"Just relax." She reaches down to a button and all of the sudden my upper body is raising with the aid of the bed. But now my ribs are hurting like crazy.

"Was there..." I take a breath. I never thought talking could be so difficult. "a girl..." You can do this. "Spencer..." OK, enough talking for the day.

I hear the woman laugh lightly. What the hell? Go to the hospital and get a crazy nurse that likes to laugh at sick patients attempts at speech.

"Spencer was here." I smile. "I'm her mother."

Oh.


	21. Chapter 21 The Visitors

**Chapter 21: The Visitors**

Television in hospitals suck. I don't know what the deal is. It's like the same cable at home and yet nothing is on. All I want to do is watch something that will take my mind off of everything. Lord knows that I deserve it. Lets recap my day. Found out that Madison beat up Logan. Had to witness Aiden being all touchy-kissy with my girlfriend. Skipped school, to which I still haven't felt the ramifications of that yet. Pissed Spencer off because I didn't tell her I was out with Maddy. Maddy, who is the same girl that Spencer got all jealous of when she saw me at the basketball game. Spent all night trying to find Spencer to no avail. Went home and got my ass beat to a pulp. I didn't see who it was, but I know it was. Madison's threat in the bathroom doesn't leave much suspense there. Woke up in an effing hospital. Basically asked if the nurse had seen my girlfriend. Only that nurse wasn't a nurse. She is a doctor. And that doctor is my girlfriend's mother who doesn't know her daughter is gay. And I still haven't heard from Spencer. Life couldn't be better, right?

This bed is uncomfortable. My whole body feels like it's been tumbled in rinse cycle for 24 hours. I would try to move, but I just heard someone walk through the door. I'd also turn to look, but that would take too much effort. And maybe I'd ask who it is, if trying to talk didn't feel like my ribs would break into millions of tiny pieces upon doing so.

"First." I'm not religious. But I'd thank god right now if I had one. Because the sweet sound of Spencer's voice has effectively restored the tingles. And I'm convinced that's the first step in my healing process. I feel her lips press to my right temple. Her breath travels down to my ear where she whispers, "I'm glad you're OK."

She sits on the edge of the bed and the fluctuation twists my body a bit so that it hurts like hell, but I wouldn't tell her. Because that's the only spot I'll be able to see her in. I'm drowning in her sad blue eyes. They look tired. I hope that mine tell her _'Don't be sad for me.' _

She takes a deep breath. "Second." I muster up the strength to cover her hand within my own. Because I don't like the sound of her shaky voice. I'm hoping that I can transfer whatever strength I have left through my touch. I'm only a little concerned that her hand remains still underneath mine. "Your _attacker_ left a note on your porch." I tighten my grip unconsciously. "It said to stay away from Spencer Carlin." She looks down at our hands. "...Dyke."

Fucking Madison. I shouldn't have left school. I should have found her and got to her first.

"Third." She looks back up at me. I notice tears trying to break the surface. It breaks my heart. God DAMN my body. If I could just reach up and touch her. Comfort her. "Only family is supposed to be here. I had to sneak in... so we don't have long." Well that sucks. Someone should tell them that I consider Spencer to be the only real family I have. But I do my best to nod.

"Fourth." Ouch. Her counting is really making me want to laugh right now. Which is causing my face to smile regardless of what my brain is telling it. "There's an officer outside that wants to ask you some questions. To file a report."

No way! Deep breath, Davies. "No." I shake my head for emphasis. That was a bad idea.

"Ashley, you have to tell them what happened. The truth." I frown when I feel her hand slip away from me as she stands up to pace. "Madison can't get away with this! What would I have done if..." I can't see her and it's frustrating me. "I should have let you kill her." She says seriously. Again, it makes me involuntarily chuckle. I need more pain medication.

"Spence..." I hold on to my side as if it will help relieve the pain when speaking. "I can't-"

"Yes you CAN!" She wails. She's full out crying now and I've never hated Madison more for doing this to me. If only because I can't get to Spencer and hold her right now.

"If I talk to them..." I pause to get more will power to continue. "Everyone will know..." I tighten my eyes shut to fight through the pain. "about us."

She walks back to the bed and cups both of her hands around mine. "No they won't, Ash. You don't have to tell them about us. You can just tell them what we heard in the locker room and then-"

"The note, Spence." I blurt out and wince at the ripping in my side.

She searches my eyes. I suppose trying to find the words and reasoning that I can't get verbalize. She nods. She understands. We've always communicated better with eye conversations. I smile internally at the thought.

She sits down and reaches to brush some hair out of my face. I lean into her palm, needing this connection. "Now, tell me who this friend of yours is."

"Ashley, good news, you'll-" Spencer shot off the bed so quick that it bounced me up and felt like a giant boulder fell on top of me. I'm in so much pain, I barely hear Paula scolding her daughter.

"...not...be in here. What...thinking?!" My eyes are shut and I don't think I've ever held my breath this long. Madison is so going to get it.

"Mom, she's my best friend. She wants me here!" Spencer pleads.

"She's not dying, Spencer. Go home." I can hear the aggravation in her voice.

I hear Spencer walk over to me. She cups her mouth around my ear as she whispers so lightly I barely understand her. "I'll be there when you get out. Love you." And then I hear her walk out. To leave me alone with doctor Paula. The mother. The one that walked in on us in a somewhat intimate moment.

"Your mother will be here to pick you up in the morning." She says before aggressively fluffing my pillows without a care as to how much pain it is inflicting to my battered head.

She walks to the door. "My daughter won't be.", is the last I hear before she closes the door.

-------------------------------------

Surprisingly, Christine showed up to pick me up and take me home. I feel so much better today. Which doesn't mean I'm really OK at all. It just means that I can talk without feeling like I'm going to explode. Everything still hurts, but I can do small movements now. Doctor Paula said that I should be OK in a few days to go back to school.

Spencer hasn't been here. But she's probably in school.

_Knock. Knock._ The door to my bedroom opens and Logan walks in smugly. "Now we're even." She jokes with a raised eyebrow. She walks over to the side of my bed and extends her arm, offering me some of the chocolate covered raisins she has in her hand. I decline by shaking my head.

"If all I had to do was get my ass beat for that, I would have picked a fight a long time ago." I smile at my best friend. Glad that she is cutting class to be here.

She sits down next to me and plops a handful of candy into her mouth. "You're so hardcore, Davies."

"We can't all be pussies." I smirk and she pushes me on the shoulder.

"Ouch! Bitch."

"Who's the pussy now?" She gives me a wink before walking to the other side of the bed and climbing in to lay next to me.

"Did you go to school today?" I probe.

"Spencer wasn't there." She says knowingly. I love her and how she knows me so well.

"It was Madison." I just realized that she probably doesn't know.

"I know." Oh. "I was at the hospital last night. Spencer and I were trying to get in to see you, but they wouldn't let us."

"Spencer snuck in really late." I make a face. "Her mother was pissed!"

"Oh god!" She groans. "Her mom's a fucking bitch." She sits up with her back against the headboard and talks animatedly. "When we got there. She was like 'Why are you hanging around with people that are getting beat up, Spencer!' Then Spencer was like... 'People get beat up all the time.' and her mom said 'Not good people'!" She laughs. "What the fuck does that mean? 'Not good people'?!"

I would laugh with her. But I just feel so bad for Spencer. Maybe I'm not a good person. I've corrupted doctor Paula's innocent daughter. "I don't know." I shrug.

"Is it a party?" Spencer's voice travels it's way from the doorway and I have to look up to confirm that my body is buzzing from her presence as opposed to the pain meds I took just 30 minutes ago.

"No." Logan hops off the bed. "This cripple is a downer." She walks passed Spencer and out the door saying "Don't break her any more than she already is." And with one wink, she disappears.

I can see Spencer's cheeks flush as she walks over and takes the previously vacated spot of Logan. I turn to face her. We lose ourselves in each other's gazes for an eternity. Not saying a single word. She's the first to break the moment. "You're beautiful."

"You're not at school." I change the subject. Because I feel uncomfortable with her commenting on my bruised face.

"You're smart." She flashes a stupidly cute grin that is so frickin' adorable. I want to kiss her right now.

"You're gorgeous." I whisper in that voice I only recognize when I'm with her.

"I'm in love with you." She matches my tone while gently cupping my face with her hands.

"You're not so smar-" Her soft yet passionate lips end my sentence. But who needs to talk anyway? She intensifies the kiss, which is appropriate for this moment. Maybe not so convenient for my aching face. But I push through the pain, because kissing Spencer is exactly what I want. What I need. She's fixing me. In more ways than you would think.

I pull away only when the pain gets too much to handle. Both of us breathing heavily and our foreheads pressed together. "I love you, too." I pant. We stay like this. Just content with being this close. Breathing each other's oxygen. Memorizing the different hues and specks in each other's eyes. Then I remember the promise I made to myself yesterday. "Spence... What's your favorite movie?"

--------------------------------

I don't mean to brag. But I just have to say that I have a very expansive DVD collection. My dad was never around because he was touring all over the place. He would send me a new movie once a week. I used to resent him for it. It didn't seem very personal to me. But I grew to expect them and then all of the sudden I was excited and anticipating them. Like... that was his way of showing affection, you know? I haven't bought a single movie since he died. Anyway... so I have a lot of movies.

When Spencer said that her favorite movie was 'Tommy', I laughed only a teeny bit. OK, so I laughed a lot. My body is punishing me for it. She told me that ever since her dad made her watch 'Bye Bye Birdie' with her when she was a little girl, she had a crush on Ann Margret. She made a point of telling me that she crushes on young Ann Margret, not old Ann Margret, but that she would still do her if the opportunity ever came. Which of course, sent me into a fit of giggles. The pain in my side made me wonder if Spencer being here is actually helping or making things worse. But only for a split second because when she kissed me and told me that she was kidding and only had eyes for me... well, I kind of just felt all giggly dumb and mushy and all of those crazy things that make you feel good inside.

So I pointed to the movie collection and told her to put it in.

Christine isn't being a total hateful bitch mother, either. She actually ordered pizza for me and Spencer. And she didn't get on my case about leaving school early yesterday. Maybe she feels bad for me. She would never admit to anything like that. But I take what I can get. And if getting gay bashed is what it takes for my mom to do these little things for me... then I'm not sorry that it happened, I guess.

As the credits roll on the movie, Spencer sits up to get off the bed. I grab her wrist to stop her. "Spencer, we should probably talk."

She turns to face me and studies my face. "OK..."

I pat the bed next to me and she crawls up to lay in my arms with her head in the crook of my shoulder. "Why weren't you at school today?"

I feel her tense up in my arms, so I rub her arm soothingly. "My mom." She breathes out. "I think she knows. She said she didn't want me associating with bad people." I suppress my laugh as I think about Logan's rant earlier. "She said I have to stay at home until she figures out what to do."

My eyebrows furrow in confusion. "What to do?"

She shakes her head. "I don't know." One of her fingers is tracing the elastic of my boxers. "I had to wait until she left for work to come over here."

"Nothing will come between us, Spence." I promise her. I've never been more sure of anything in my life.

_Bzzzzzzzz._

Spencer reaches over to the nightstand to grab my phone. She looks at it and hands it to me. "Who's Maddy?"

I lay the phone down without reading the message. This talk with Spencer is more important. There's no better time to just be honest with each other. "She's the friend."

She breaks our contact by sitting up. "_The_ friend?"

I nod apprehensively. I feel like I should brace myself for some reason.

"You're only seeing me, right?" She asks timidly.

"Spencer. I only have eyes for you." I mimic her earlier statement to me.

The corner of her mouth betrays her as a half smile forms on her face as she looks down at the comforter. "So who is she?"

OK, so here is where she might freak out. "You remember the basketball game you saw me at last week?" She nods. "Do you remember the girl that you saw me with?" Her eyes quickly dart up to mine with a concerned look on her face. "That's her."

"Oh." That's it?

"It's not like that. We're just friends." When she doesn't respond I add, "She's straight."

By the look of disbelief on her face, I'm guessing that wasn't the right thing to say. "Like Logan was straight?" Her hands fly up in question. "Like I was straight?!" Good point.

"I don't know what to tell you, Spencer." Not because I don't know. It's just that nothing I tell Spencer will make her feel better about it. "Other than that you're incredibly adorable when you're jealous." I smirk.

"I'm not jealous!" She cries out.

I have a full grin on my face now. "Uh huh. Suuuuure." I poke at her side, which makes her giggle and swat my hand away. "Spencer Carlin's jeeeealous." I tease and poke her again.

"Stop it!" She scoots away laughing.

OK, fuck the pain. I get up and tackle her. Her laughter is replaced with heavy breathing as my body presses into her. It's funny. I don't feel anything other than my heart beating for her. I trace her eyebrow with my thumb as I take in Spencer's beautiful face. I would never get tired of doing this. "I'll never cheat on you. Ever."

Her head moves to the side and she averts her eyes. I use my other hand to softly guide her face back to me. I look straight into her eyes and say it with the most conviction I've ever said anything. "Ever."

She smiles. She believes me. I give her a peck on the lips but don't pull away. I just want to feel her lips. So full, soft and warm. I smile against them after several minutes pass and raise my head up a few inches, opening my eyes. "Maddy is going to help us with Madison."

Spencer squints her eyes as she looks at me questioningly.

"This is what we're going to do..."


	22. Chapter 22 You Owe Me One

**Chapter 22: You Owe Me One**

"Hey gimp." Logan strolls up to me and leans her shoulder up against the locker.

I struggle to put my things in on account of my ribs being bruised to hell. Wincing, I sideways glance at her while continuing my effort. "Hey..."

She slowly reaches across my arms, halting my movements. Grabs the books and places them in my locker with a sympathetic smile. "I didn't think you'd be back here so soon."

Shutting the locker, I turn around and sigh deeply. "It's return of Bitch Mom. She invited some guy over and-"

"Kicked you out?" Logan guessed correctly.

I just nod. She knows me better than anyone.

"Well I've missed you around here." She winks. "Nobody to flirt with."

I playfully and lightly body check her as I start to make my way down the hall toward the quad. Yeah, it would have been a full on body check if I wasn't injured. I hate Madison. Logan falls into step beside me. "Is the devil going to let her spawn come back to school any time soon?"

My cell phone vibrates against my hip and I detach it from it's holster. "Are you calling Spence 'Satan's child'?!" I say feigning shock. I read the text message while mumbling "Her mom has her chained to her room." I grab Logan's arm and stop her. "Hey... you set for tonight?"

She looks at me with concern. "Are you sure? I mean..." She looks everywhere but at me. "How is Spencer going to get out?"

"She's going out with someone that's not me?" I say as more of a question than a statement. I'm still not quite sure what is going on at the Carlin house. Spencer hasn't opened up about it since the day she came over. All I know is that I haven't seen her since then. She hasn't called either. She's just sent a few text messages saying that she misses me and that she hopes I'm feeling better. "That was Maddy that just messaged. She said she's good to go."

"Yeah, I'll be there." She sighs and pulls out a candy bar from the front pocket of her backpack.

"Of course you will be!" I nudge at her stomach, trying to lighten the mood. "You're my date, Luuuvah!" I punctuate the playfully flirty statement with my finger lightly trailing down her arm. She jumps at the touch and her candy bar drops to the floor. I instinctively bend down to pick it up but it sends a sharp pain to my ribs and I shoot back up, clutching my side. "Oww.."

But Logan was in the process of bending down as well and my sudden movement caused my head to crash into Logan's chin in the process. "Fuck!" I grasp for my head. She grabs onto her jaw and hops around chanting "Shit, shit, shit shit!".

Massaging my re-injured scalp, I reach out to her, calming her down and guide her back against the wall. "I'm sorry. You OK?"

"You owe me a candy bar." She pouts, eyeing the now trampled chocolate.

-----------------------------------------

I throw my bag into the back seat of my car and get in. School really sucks without Spencer here. Even when we weren't together, it was always just nice to be able to sneak glances at her. We were finally getting to a good place. We were going to be 'friends' and actually hang out together. Then Madison had to go and screw everything up. Dr. Satan Carlin would never have gotten suspicious about us if she didn't walk in on us in the hospital. I wouldn't have been in the hospital if I hadn't gotten my ass beat. And I wouldn't have gotten my ass beat if it wasn't for that stupid fucking cheer bitch pig of a whore, Madison. OK. So I'm a little bitter. Why is Spencer not calling me?! I throw the iPod I was fiddling with into the passenger's seat in frustration.

"Woh, Ash!" I freeze in my seat with annoyance. Deep breath, Davies. "Getting some revenge on the music player? I'm pretty sure it can't carry a baseball bat." I turn around to a cocky Aiden leaning in my window. I can tell he notices my glare, because he stands up and backs away a few steps.

"Baseball bat?" I probe with a raised eyebrow. The only way he would know that is if-

"Here." He hands me a piece of paper. "Just wanted to know if you were going to vote for me and Spencer."

I look down and read through a list of homecoming king and queen candidates. My eyes stop at the small text reading 'Madison Duarte'. "Spencer doesn't want to be with you." I say boldly.

When I don't get a response I look up to him and I think I caught a bit of a smile before he straighted his face. "Yeah, I know."

I crumple up the paper and toss it out. It hits his chest before he quickly maneuvers to catch it before bouncing to the concrete. "I could care less about school shit." I start the car and start to pull out but he opens the back door and dives in before I could get a way. OH. MY. GOD. I slam on the breaks. "Get out of my car." I say as calmly as possible yet voice seeping with venom.

"Ash.." He sits up.

"Don't fucking call me 'Ash'!" I scream. OK, so I'm not really a calm person. And I am SO on the edge right now. Teetering, waiting for Aiden's finger to give me that one little push to make me tumble to the black hole of whatever.

He puts his hand on my right shoulder, which I immediately jerk away. "We were friends once."

I roll my eyes and have to give a sharp laugh at that. Car horns are honking as I block the pathway to the exit. There is no way that I'm driving until he gets out. "I'm only going to say it one more time." I lock eyes with him through the rear view mirror. "Get. Out."

He frowns and opens the door, swinging his legs out until his feet are planted on the ground. He pauses. "I'm sorry that Ma-" He ends his own sentence before stepping out. When another honk blares he turns around and flips a middle finger in their direction.

"Close the door!" I yell. I need to get out of here. I don't know why this confrontation has me so shaken up.

Suddenly he's leaning in my window again and I jump at his unexpected presence. "Look." He leans in closer to whisper. "I'm sorry that you got the shit beat out of you." I just listen with a clenched jaw and eyes focused forward. Tears threatening to break the surface. "You're a good girl, Ash." My head falls as I close my eyes. My upper body twitching as I fight to stop the cry that is inevitable. "It should never have happened. Not to you... Not to Logan." Logan. My mind suddenly rewinds do that day in the quad. The day that Aiden spoke in riddles. The day he knew what had happened to her and showed no remorse. Only hidden threats. I quickly turn my head to look at him a split second before the palm of my hand meets his face and pushes him out the window. I slam on the gas with enough force to swing the back door shut. And I wonder why I didn't do that in the first place.

------------------------------------------

"He's sush a A hole!" Logan slurs loudly above the bad techno beat.

I stare at the liquid swirling around inside the glass I am moving in circles just above the table. I close one eye to stop seeing triple whirlpools. "Yeah... What time is it?" I mumble. But loudly. Because of the music.

"Twelf... Tw... Tw.. Twelve Thuuurdy." She giggles out.

Rolling my eyes was a bad idea. I just totally got lightheaded. I rub my eyes a bit before scanning the club again for the millionth time tonight. Where the fuck is she? I pull my phone from the holster to check messages again. For the zillionth time. Nothing. As I fight with clip on my waist to get the phone secured back in, I feel a shift of weight on the leather beside me. I wobbly lift my head up to see perfectly shaped thighs tightly hugged by a short black mini skirt. I raise my head even more to see a tan toned midriff. Damn this heavy head. I can't lift it anymore. I plop it on the table sideways in resignation and am graced with the site of gorgeous cleavage almost bursting out of a red v-neck blouse.

"How much have you had to drink?" Says the smoking hot body next to me. I only know because her boobies jiggled at the same time as her words. I can put two and two together. I'm smart.

I clumsily raise my elbow to the table, and extend my arm up with two fingers displaying a peace sign.

Logan laughs and crawls halfway across the table. "Mur like..." She raises one finger and puts it next to my two. And laughs again, vibrating the table to the point that I feel like vomiting. She was trying to indicate 12. But to the sexy figure on my right it looked like 21. Oh well. Details aren't important.

Logan punches my shoulder and sits down quickly. "She's here."

The thought of Spencer sobers me up and my head jerks up involuntarily. Only the woozy sensation that follows proves that she's not sobering enough. Squinting my eyes, I can just barely make out my beautiful tingler stumbling around with her arm around a slutty cheer cow. Who is also not walking straight. Then I wonder if maybe they are and it's just my swaying head that is causing an illusion.

Wait. If that's Spencer over there, then who is... I tilt my head to the right. "Heeeey Maddy!" I grin and wrap her up in a big hug. With my head 'accidentally' resting on her chest. "You look sooooo good!" I breathe into her chest before sitting up straight.

"When don't I?" She jokes. And my eyes drift over to two girls taking a seat at a table a couple rows in front of us.

I take a deep breath and smile contently. So long without seeing Spencer. I'm convinced that the buzz in my arms is a direct result of her being here and not the alcohol. She looks soooo fucking good. Her hair is completely straightened and falling down in front of her chest. But I know what her chest looks like. I've seen it before. It's nice. She's nice. So sweet. Innocent Spencer. Spencer that makes me happy. I love her. She loves me. We can be a happy family. I chuckle.

"'M'looow gun. Atch tuld me boutchoo!" I barely notice that I have to peek below Logan's outstretched arm in front of me to keep gazing at Spencer.

Those legs. Mmmm. The way she crosses them and her muscles flex. I'd like to run my tongue all over them. Have I said how gooood she looks tonight? Why did I ever try to walk away from THAT? No amount of Kaylee's in the world could compare.

"Me too! The friend that's always eating!"

Logan freezes. "Iam ot!" She says with a mouth full of bar nuts. She shyly picks up a napkin and spits out the contents. Maddy laughs.

Spencer is sooooo hot tonight. I want to wrap myself in her. I want to bunch that jean skirt up around her waist. Kiss her senseless. I want my hands to roam up her tighty whitey tank top.

"So why aren't you hear with anyone, Logan?" I catch that question and it pulls me from thoughts of Spencer.

I turn to Maddy and point a little too hard at my chest making me wince. "I am her date!" Did she just roll her eyes at me? Whatever. I turn to Logan and smile. She shakes her head and scoots out of the booth before walking away. I swivel back around to Maddy, trying to keep a straight face. "Was it something I said?" But I burst into laughter.

It takes a little longer than usual to stop my fit of giggles. When I do, I look back toward Spencer to see her staring at me emotionless. I raise my eyebrows in question. She barely nods her head at me before throwing a giant smile at Wilbur. Then she grabs her hand and walks to the bathroom.

"Showtime." I say to myself. Although Maddy is there and she heard me.

Getting out of the booth should be a fucking event in the strongest man challenge or something. Jesus. As my Jello legs carry me slowly between tables, my hand shuffles through my back pocket. I stop in panic. I turn around and dart my eyes all across the floor. That's when I feel a hand. Not my own hand. Someone elses hand reaching around and behind me into my other back pocket. I look up to see Maddy holding what I was looking for. I smile stupidly. "Oh." She places it in my hand, I shrug and turn on my heel ungracefully. Walking passed Spencer's empty table, I drop the pill into Madison's glass and head toward the bar.

---------------------------------

"She had a little too much to drink..." Maddy explains to the one girl in the bathroom who was looking at all of us awkwardly.

"How mush dush she weigh?!" Logan tries to hold Madison up while kicking a stall door open with one foot.

"Mmme dnnn flll dgoood." We all laugh at Madison's attempt at speech and accidentally drop her.

"Shit!" I lean down and grab at her waist trying to pull her up. I have no strength so I just shrug it off and walk into the stall alone to wait.

Spencer, Logan and Maddy don't do much better, but eventually they have her up and are pushing her into me as they squeeze in behind her. She falls into my arms and her eyes meet mine. I kind of panic internally little bit. Knowing that this is the person that bashed my head and ribs in. I don't want her to know it's me. But when she smiles, I know she's so fucking out of it. I quickly push her back into Maddy's arms. "She's all yours!"

Logan pulls out her cell phone and hands it to Spencer. Her blue eyes meet mine for just a few seconds before turning her attention back to the girls that are being primped and posed for 'affect'. I laugh when Logan pulls Madison's skirt up and stages Maddy's hand so that is cupping her ass. After adjusting a few articles of clothing on both of the girls, Logan tells Spencer "and... Action."

Maddy presses her lips against Madison. It's only a few seconds before Madison starts kissing her back. My eyes widen and mouth pucker in shock. This is going to be even better footage than I had hoped for. I look over to Spencer and realize she's not pointing the phone at them. Nobody but me notices. Logan is too busy gushing over her handy work and the other two...well they're probably gushing somewhere else.

I motion my head toward the phone, trying to urge her on. She looks down at the phone, shaking her head. Then she shoves it my hands before storming out of the stall. Maddy pulls away from the kiss confused.

"Did she get it?" She asks with irritation.

"No." I hand the phone to Logan and run out. Which is mostly slow walking. Because I'm in heels and I'm drunk.


	23. Chapter 23 Me and I

**Chapter 23: Me and I**

"Hey..." My wobbly legs carried me out the entrance of Ego. Thankfully to a Spencer that is leaning over the front railing.

"I had nowhere to go." She whispers in the other direction. I don't know why I'm keeping my distance from her. But it seems like the right thing to do.

"Why did you run out?" I cross my arms and lean against the front of the building facing her back. My eyes are scanning over her entire body. No. Not in that lustful way. In the kind of way where I am concerned about her body language. I'm confused by her. And maybe there is a secret hidden in the way that she is holding herself. Some truth that will guide me through this conversation.

"I told my parents that I was staying over at Madisons." She sounds deflated. And she sounds like she's avoiding the question. Her elbows are are resting on the top bar of the railing and her palms placed against her forehead are keeping her head from falling. If she has any secrets, they definitely aren't being revealed. Maybe I'm not very good at body language conversations either.

I shift a little. "Are you mad at me?" I don't know what I did. But I'll apologize and fix it.

"No." She stands up a little bit and stares off into the distance. Or to the end of the parking lot, anyway.

I want to reach around her waist and love her with my embrace. To comfort her. To make her better. But we're not alone. There are pockets of people loitering about and having conversations about what diner they are going to invade. And since I can hear their conversation, I'm guessing they can probably hear ours too. "Do you want to go somewhere?" I whisper timidly.

She turns around and mirrors my stance by crossing her arms and leaning back. She slowly looks me up and down. No. Not in a lustful way. In the kind of way where she is studying and questioning something. I'm drunk and seeing triple. But it doesn't impair my vision enough to realize that she is avoiding eye contact. I can't describe it. I feel little. Small. Like I'm being scrutinized. Like maybe I'm just fucking drunk and way too emo right now. And since she isn't going to answer any of my questions, why not ask another one? "Are you OK?"

She bows her head, chin meeting neck, and eyes meeting the ground. I never thought I'd be envious of the ground. "I don't know."

Well I don't know either. I don't know why I thought it was a good idea to leave so much room between us. I look around, only to confirm that there are still people around before I walk right up next to her. I put my hands on the railing and purposely press my left arm to hers. Needing that connection. She doesn't flinch or move away. That has to be a good sign. I turn my head, eyes focused on her shoulder. "Want to talk about it?" I'm wondering where I suddenly became the owner of a voice that speaks with compassion.

Barely shrugging she breathes, "I don't know."

She's closed off and not letting me in. If it was anyone else, I'd simply leave and give them space. But... and I hate to admit this... But I'm still here because I need to be here. With her. "I love you." I whisper. Not really sure where it came from. It's true, but I don't throw the words around, you know. Aside from one desperate night with my head in her lap of course. But that was different because I didn't want to lose her. Wait. Am I afraid that I'm losing her now? Shit, I didn't even think of that. Stupid alcohol.

"I love you too." She says so quietly that I almost didn't hear her. In fact, maybe she said something else and I'm just hearing what I want to. I rub my eyes, hearing familiar giggles coming near. I turn around to find Logan leaning on Maddy with one arm draped around her shoulder. She can barely stand up.

"I'm going to take her home, is that alright Ash?" I tense when she uses my abbreviated name. I sideways glance over at Spencer to try and read her reaction to it. But I'm surprised to see her still gazing at her feet. Not that she should have had a reaction. Just that she's been jealous of her. So I expected one.

"Yeah, that's fine." I couldn't be more happy, actually. I don't think I could leave Spencer. In fact, I'm realizing that I never want to leave Spencer. It's definitely the booze.

Maddy assists Logan down the ramp and into the parking lot. She turns around to face me. "By the way!" She yells. "I think Logan has a future in directing." I can see the corner of her mouth curl upward into a fierce smirk. Or smirks. My vision is a little wounded. "Revenge is sweet, Davies." And with a wink, she escorts Logan off to her car.

After a few minutes pass without words, I turn sideways and tilt my head silently imploring Spencer to look up. If she's not going to talk, then I'd take some eye conversation right now. Even though that usually ends up bad, but it would be better than nothing. I don't have magic powers like she does, so she doesn't look at me and I'm exhausted. My legs are like mush and I can't believe they've held up this long. We need to go. Where? I have no idea. Spencer can't go home and my mom kicked me out for the night. "Hungry?" I'm just throwing it out there.

She doesn't answer, but she pushes herself off the railing and starts slowly making her way down the ramp. I quickly catch up and link my arm through hers and guide her to my car.

"You shouldn't drive." She puts her hand over mine just as I was about to open the door.

I sigh and drop my hand. I have to admit that I'm just a little bit frustrated. I am not a good girlfriend. This relationship stuff is just as difficult as I imagined it would be. I would regret it, but how could I? She makes me crazy. In all those good and bad ways. She's like a drug that's claimed me. Changed who I am. Lowers my inhibitions. Makes me crave her. Oh god. I'm never drinking again. "Yeah, you're probably right." I concede and drop my hand to my side, massaging the keys between my fingers.

"I can't drive either." She leans back against the door with her hands tucked in her front skirt pockets.

I smile a little. "And not just because you're drunk."

"Whatever." She rolls her eyes. "And I'm not drunk."

I see an opportunity opening up and I take advantage of lightening the mood further. "Clearly." Bravely, I inch forward until we're almost pressed together. "You aren't slurring." I try to flash a cute smile. "And you haven't tried to take advantage of me."

Well, I thought that would get me a playful laugh or slap or something other than her blue eyes boring into mine. All nine of them. It's an assault that I wasn't prepared for. In this moment, I realize that my eye conversation skills are improved. I see it. I see _'I love you'_ and _'I'm scared'_. My eyes say 'I love you too' before they look away. That was a little to intense for me as I felt a small pang in my stomach at the thought of anything having to do with me scaring her. Why is this so fucking hard? And why is it still so worth it? I don't get any of this.

I can't help myself. My frustration is growing. I haven't changed that much. I'm still Ashley Davies. "Spencer..." I stick my keys in my pocket before grabbing onto her upper arms and squeezing soothingly. "This isn't going to work if you can't talk to me." She ducks her head and sadness is radiating from her and my frustration quickly turns to concern. I don't care who is around, I put my arm through hers and reach up behind her. My hands find her shoulder blades as I pull her into a comforting embrace. I feel warm liquid in the crook of my neck as I lovingly massage her back."Shhhh. You're scaring me."

After several minutes, her body relaxes and her tears calm. I reach over and open the back door. I grab a hold of her hand and pull her into the backseat behind me. She closes the door and I guide her down so that she is lying on her back with her head resting in my lap. Her eyes focused on the roof of the car. "Spence." I run my fingers through her hair. "I'm trying." Her eyes shift to mine. "I'm really trying, you know?" It comes out so soft. Because I am scared too. I'm scared of her. I'm scared of me. I'm scared of these feelings. I'm scared of this conversation even though I'm fighting so hard to have it. I'm not me when I'm with her. But I think it's the me I want to be. So I'm trying. And I want her to see that.

"I know." Her voice is even softer than mine, if possible.

"Why can't you talk to me?" My eyes are surely glistening. Normally, I wouldn't dare let someone see me cry. But it's OK with her. I don't know why, but it is.

"I'm scared, Ash." I watch as her eyes drift back up and away from mine.

"Of me?" Please don't say you're scare of me.

She slightly shakes her head. "No." Her forehead creases as if she's choosing her words before she speaks. A few seconds that feel more like an eternity passes before she says, "Of me."

I nod, even though I don't understand what she means by that. "OK..." I place my left hand on her cheek. "Why?"

"I'm not as strong as you are." She admits. "This week... I couldn't stop thinking about you. About how to get back at Madison for hurting you. How it was torture being kept from school." Her eyes meet mine. "Away from you." All I can do is nod as she thinks about her next choice of words. She looks away saying "I tried to hate you." What? Tried to hate me? My body tenses and I feel sick to my stomach. "Hate you for making me fall for you."

"Is that why you didn't call?" She nods and presses her palms into her eyes. This is killing me. I don't want to be the cause of so much pain for her.

"I love you so much, Ashley." She chokes out through sobs.

"Spencer..." I plead. I remove her hands from her eyes. "I don't want to hurt you."

"You're not." She sighs. "I'm going to hurt you."

I'm seriously questioning why I needed to have this conversation. "What does that mean?"

"When I was in the bathroom... All I wanted to do is rip Madison's hair out. I don't think I've ever felt so much rage in my life." She grabs my hand and entwines are fingers, laying them on her chest. "I left because I was afraid. I didn't want to take video with the phone. I wanted to slam it against her head a few times." Her grip is getting so tight that it's almost painful. "Or more. It just seems like she's getting off too easy."

"What does that have to do with you hurting me?" I continue to let her cut off circulation in my hand.

"My mom is already freaking out and she doesn't even know we're together. She's just like Madison. Homophobic. And they aren't the only ones. I don't think I'm strong enough to deal." She removes her hand from mine and I silently curse the blood flowing through my fingers.

"You're strong, Spencer." I turn her face toward mine. "We're strong. Together, right?"

"I don't know." And her eyes confirm that she doesn't know. So vacant. I can't look at her like this. And yet, I still do. I'm such a masochist.

"Hey..." I coo. "You're the one that came and rescued me after I broke your window." I rub a stray tear into her cheek. "You're the one that showed up at my doorstep and saved me from myself. From throwing us away. You're the one that found me be beaten on my porch and got me help. You're the one that helped me drug a gay bashing bitch for revenge. You did all of that even though you are so scared of being gay." I smile adoringly at her. "You're brave, Spencer Carlin."

"No." I'm surprised as I watch her reach up and trace a path from my neck down to my chest with her finger before pulling the material down and massaging my breast. "Only with you, Ashley Davies."

"In a back seat?!" I gasp, feigning shock followed by a smirk. To be honest, I hope she isn't teasing.

She pushes herself up and situates herself on top of me. "Anywhere."

The whole experience is a fumbling comical mess. Spencer hitting her head several times as she tries to take off her skirt. Kneeing her more than once while stripping myself of clothing. Crying even though we are happy. Giggling into each other's mouths as we roll around the backseat trying to find a good position. But as funny as it all is... It's perfect. It's us. It isn't sex. It's so much more than that. And no matter what happens, I could never regret this. When we take each other over the edge. We're jumping together. I'm no longer 'me'. And I'm OK with that. Because now I'm a a part of an 'Us'. And when Spencer is the other part, I can't help but think that there is nothing stronger than that.


	24. Chapter 24 I Saw It In The Mirror

**Chapter 24: I Saw It In The Mirror**

_Tap. Tap. Tap._

"Hm?" I startle haphazardly awake, eyes remaining closed. "Spence?" I mutter with a half asleep scratchy voice.

_Tap. Tap._

Turning my head slightly, I am met with baby soft strands of hair in my face. I feather my nose through the dreamy locks and breathe in her scent. She begins to stir, face nuzzled against my shoulder. Realizing that Spencer fell asleep on top of me, I smile contently and raise my palm to rub sleep from my eyes. I wish I could wake up beneath her every morning.

_TAP._

Squinting, I move my hand a few centimeters to the right, lifting my head to look over Spencer's shoulder. Oooooh shit. I swallow, but my throat is dry and it is more painful than helpful. Glancing down at my girlfriends naked form, I suddenly feel very... exposed. And protective, I guess. My arms immediately reach around her, palms finding purchase on her bare bottom, shielding her from the expectant eyes that are peering through the window. I give a quick nod toward the man, silently acknowledging his presence.

No sudden movements, Davies. Spencer is going to freak. OK. I would be freaking out if I wasn't so worried about her reaction. I lightly shake the shoulder her face has melded to. "Wake up." At the same time, I use one arm and reach down to the floor, exploring and grasping for any article of clothing I can find to cover her up. I never break eye contact with the stranger.

I feel her slightly rise, forehead pressing into the crook of my neck. "Sleepy." She breathes against my skin. Ah HA! I pull up a piece of clothing in great accomplishment. I look at it, then to the man just outside the car, then back to the garment before quickly throwing it back down. Figures. The one thing I'd fish out would be Spencer's bra. As if he isn't getting enough of a show as it is.

My further attempts to find clothing proves to be futile. I run my failure of a hand through her hair. "Spencer... don't freak out."

This gets her attention. She turns her head, eyes fluttering open to look at me with adoration. "Hmmm?" She lazily smiles. "I told you, Ash. I'm scared. But not of you..."

It's hard for me to not smile at the unnecessary confession that came from that husky voice and passed through her gorgeous grin. It's the one that is meant only for me. Delicately, I whisper, "I need you to slowly get up. Don't turn around. K?"

Her smile falls, eyebrows creased with confusion. But she follows my instruction, and I'm torn between feeling proud that she trusts me enough to not ask questions, and feeling guilty for looking a little longer than I should at her breasts as she inches upward. How she doesn't notice the invasion of manufactured light shining at us, is beyond me. I sit up and am relieved to see the majority of our clothing scattered across the top of the backseat. I grab her shirt and place it over her head. While she wiggles her arms through the material to finish the task, I find my top and do the same.

"Spencer?" I cup her face with my hands and give her a soft kiss before looking her straight in they eyes. "You trust me, right?"

She nods and I take her into my arms to give her a hug. Really, I just needed a way to communicate with the officer without letting her know. I raise a finger, giving the universal sign for 'One Second', and then twirl it around. Eye conversations are coming in handy because I'm sure it is my pleading eyes that convince him to turn around to give us some privacy.

After scooting out from beneath a straddling Spencer, I help her into her skirt. She watches me intently as I worm into my jeans with difficulty. God... she is so going to freak. Once I've fastened the last button, my body completely goes limp, and I take a much needed breath. Apparently my ribs have decided to protest against my extra curricular activities.

"Ash, are you OK?" I chuckle indignantly, push myself up on the seat and make my way over the few inches to kiss Spencer on the cheek.

"I'll be right back?" I say with complete uncertainty and worry. Please don't freak out. Please don't freak out. Please don't freak out. "Stay here." I use my hands to keep her from turning around with me as I climb around her and open the door to step out.

I shut the door and lean behind it, hoping to block the window.

"A little late for two young girls to be out, don't you think?" I fail at suppressing an eye roll.

"Yeah, well..." I turn my head to catch a glimpse of Spencer's knees through my peripheral vision. "We fell asleep?"

"Sleep, huh?" Whatever. You and your condescendingly knowing eyes...

"Yeah." I say defensively. "Sleep."

He nods while repeatedly drumming his palm with the flashlight. "Sleeping." He confirms. After a few beats of the flashlight he adds, "Naked."

I awkwardly shrug. "It was hot?"

He hasn't stopped nodding. And I'm going to rip that fucking flashlight out of his hands if he doesn't stop- "It was." He says with a sly perverted grin.

Second eye roll of the evening. It never fails. Straight men objectifying lesbians. I really hope that Spencer can't hear this conversation. "Take me in or whatever." I sigh, running a my hand through my hair in defeat. "Just... let her go, OK?"

He tries to look through the window behind me, but I slide against the door to block his view. "I'm going to need to see your license and registration."

I gaze at him for a good minute, hoping that my imploring eyes would convince him to change his mind. But he just met mine with a challenging look, so I turn and open the door slightly. "Spencer? Can you hand me my purse?"

"Ash..." I cut her off with a quick shake of my head. She reaches into the front seat, grabs the requested item, and hands it to me a little angrily. I sigh and shut the door. How could this night turn out so shitty?

I rummage through the designer bag, pull my license and registration from the wallet, and turn around shoving the IDs into his hands. "Here."

The officer takes them and walks to the squad car I hadn't noticed until just now. This is just so messed up. Spencer was scared before, she has to be totally going insane right now. I turn around and knock on the window. Hoping to comfort her with some good old fashion eye talking, but she ignores me. I frown and reluctantly turn to find the perv walking up. "Ashley Davies? As in daughter of Purple Venom, Raife Davies?"

Oh thank god! He's a fan. "That would be me." I say with a charming smile. What? I'm soooo working this.

"Interesting." He extends his arm to hand the card and document back. I reach for them and he quickly jerks back his hand. "Maybe we can make a deal..."

"What do you want?" Because right about now, I'd give anything for him to just leave us alone.

He smiles and crosses his arms. "An autograph."

"Sure." That was easier than I thought. "Paper?"

He shakes his head and I follow his line of sight through the window and onto the floor of the car.

My head snaps back toward him and I shriek "No Way!"

"OK." He pulls out and unclasps handcuffs from his leather belt and shrugs. "It's your record." I stop him from coming closer by placing my palm on his chest.

I look down and close my eyes. "Fine." I turn around and open the door again. "Spencer?" She still won't look at me. She's wrapped in her own arms. Cold? No... terrified. "Can you hand me that?" I ask timidly while pointing to the floor.

She bends over. She could have gotten whiplash with as quick as she turned her head in my direction. I suspect that looked very similar to my action only a few moments ago with Officer Perv, I muse. Of course, I wanted her to look at me. But not with such disbelief or anger. I'm really confused right now. I just want this night to be over.

"Please don't ask." I whine. Yes, I'm whining. This is so not me.

After several seconds that feel more like minutes, Spencer tentatively hands me her bra. "Thank you." I say softly before shutting the door again.

I sign Spencer's personal item with the pen provided, feeling a little bit dirty.

The man takes them from my hands and gives me the licence and registration in exchange before walking off. "Stay out of trouble!" he yells once he has his front door open. And it isn't long before I hear the squad car engine roar and the sound of the vehicle pulling out of the parking lot.

I pinch the bridge of my nose, trying to fight the headache I feel coming. I know I should talk to her, but what can I say? _'Sorry Spencer. Sorry I fucked you in the backseat of the car. Sorry that I let you fall asleep naked. Sorry that a perverted police officer gawked at your bare body through the window with a flashlight. Sorry that I gave him your bra?'_ For some reason, I don't think it will make her feel any better.

I open the front door and settle into the driver's seat. After starting the car, I look up to find Spencer's eyes reflected in the rear view mirror. "I'm sorry." Because that's really all I can say.

She smirks. "Well!" She looks down with wide eyes. "_That_ was exciting." And as I watch her giggle, I realize she isn't angry at all.

Smiling uncontrollably, I pull out of the parking lot.

"Ash?"

"Spence?"

"Thanks for protecting me." So she _was_ listening.

"I told you... We can get through anything together." I look up to catch her smiling at me.

"Ash?"

"Spence?"

"I believe you." _Tingle._

-----------------------------------------------

I hop out of the bushes with a fake rock in my hands. Turning it over, I slide the plastic cover and pluck out a key. After throwing the rock back down, I notice Spencer looking at me curiously. "Logan made it for me. This isn't the first time my mom has kicked me out."

"Your mom kicked you out?" Oh. I guess I somehow forgot to mention it.

"Yeah." Don't look at me like that. Like you pity me. "It's normal." I push passed her to unlock the door.

"That isn't normal, Ashley."

"Shhh!" I'd like to say I'm shushing her because of her volume. But we both know that isn't the case. Thankfully, she doesn't press the issue. I take her hand and lead her through the house. We get to Logan's door and I wrap my hands around Spencer's waist. In the dark, it's hard to see what her eyes are saying. So I assume my eye apology isn't being received. I trail fingers up her arms before cupping my hands behind her neck, thumbs stroking the bottom of her ears. I lean in close and whisper "I'm not ready for that discussion." _Kiss_. "Yet." _Kiss._

_"_I'll be here" She whispers convincingly, making my heart beat faster.

"I'm counting on it." We stay in that loving embrace for an eternity before Spencer pulls away.

"I have to pee." She pouts. I point to the door at the end of the hall and she gives me a kiss on the cheek before scurrying away.

I grin stupidly as I open Logan's bedroom door and explore the wall with my hand to find the light switch. "Logan, we didn't have anywhere to go-". Lights. "Ohmygod!" My hand instinctively covers my mouth.

"Ohmygod!" Maddy and Logan say in unison from their... very interesting and x-rated position.

"Ash, are you OK-?" Spencer hurries in. "Ohmygod!"

I turn around and cover Spencer's eyes, before spinning her and ushering her out the door. "We're uh... just going to.. yeeeaah."

---------------------------------------

Spencer and I are sitting on the living room couch in silence when Maddy and Logan enter, carrying blankets and pillows. I'm in shock. And I'm a little disgusted at the thoughts that are going through my head. Is it bad that I feel... jealous? I can't get it out of my head. You know, the part where Logan asked me to love her. I mean, I guess I didn't expect her to pine over me forever. But this is completely... shocking. I'm also lacking a better vocabulary right now. Shocking, shocking, shocking. It keeps repeating inside my head as my fingers press hard against my temples.

"So..." Maddy tries to break the silence while setting the pillows on the arm rest. She stops when all three of us look at her with icy glares. "What?"

I shake my head and rub my eyes.

All of the sudden, Spencer breaks out into a full blown laugh. I turn my head slowly and stare at my crazy girlfriend, wondering how she can think this is so funny. She stops and clears her throat.

Logan sighs. "Get over it, Ash!" And she throws the blanket at me before walking back to her room. What the fuck? I stand up, knocking the blanket to the ground and chase after her.

"Sure. Just walk away!" I barge through her door just before she has the chance to shut it.

She turns to me with arms crossed. "You have no right to be mad, Ashley!"

"I'm not mad!" I yell.

"Could have fooled me." She scoffs, straightening the sheets and comforter on her bed.

I take a deep calming breath. "I just don't understand..."

"What's there to understand?" She gets into bed. Her back against the headboard.

"I thought..." I look toward the door making sure nobody was there before focusing my attention back to my best friend. "I thought you were in love with me." I whisper.

I don't know what I expected as a response. But her staring daggers and saying "You're a selfish bitch." wasn't exactly it.

Well I definitely don't want to fight. So I find my eyes searching the room, avoiding her gaze. Oddly enough, I don't have anything to say in response. She is right. I want her to myself. But I don't want her in that way. I need Spencer in that way. What was I to expect? That Logan would always be completely mine? I am the worst friend. Just like I'm the worst girlfriend. "I'm sorry." I sigh. Because it seems like I've said those words tonight more than I have in my entire life. And meant them. Tonight sucks.

"It's OK." She smiles. Because it's always been easy for us like that. Except for that time she confessed her love for me. "Go be psycho on your girlfriend instead."

I walk over and squeeze her hand. "I'm glad it was with Maddy." She nods and I walk back to the living room to find Spencer and Maddy laughing hysterically.

"You're bra?!" Maddy strains out between gasps for air.

I watch as Spencer eagerly nods her head which causes them both to guffaw even louder.

"OK...OK..." I pull Maddy up and push her toward Logan's room. "Your lesbian lover is that way, Miss 'I'm not into girls'..." She giggles and bounces happily away singing "At least we're not the only one that got caught!"

I wait until I hear the door close before I seductively sashay up to the couch, then crawl on my knees until I'm straddling Spencer. "You had to tell her didn't you?" I tuck her hair behind her ears.

"Oh come on. You have to admit it was funny."

"Which part?"

"All of it."

I smile adoringly at her. My jealousy quickly losing the battle against the onslaught of Spencer's tingles. "That um... position we found them in? Now _that_ was funny!" I laugh. That is, until I realize that Spencer isn't laughing. "What?" I feel an ache between my legs as her dark eyes bore into mine with only recognizable lust. "Oooooh." I trace her collarbone with my fingertip. "You didn't think that was funny?" She shakes her head slowly, never breaking eye contact. I lean forward, nibbling on her ear before husking. "You want it like that?" I feel a strong sense of satisfaction when I hear her breath catch.

"Someone could see us." She tries to convince herself.

I reach down and begin to undo the button of her skirt. "So." Tugging at her bottom lip with my teeth, I mumble, "It wouldn't be the first time."

--------------------------------------------

I glance at the alarm clock on my nightstand. 8 PM. Shit. I need more than 4 hours sleep. But then again, this is really going to screw up my sleep schedule. Spencer and I never fell asleep and Logan's house. I told her we were just taking advantage of our time alone together. I was blissfully sore on the drive over to Spencer's house. I used to feel some kind of regret for corrupting my tingler. Now I'm just thankful for it.

Sighing, I roll out of bed and pad my feet over to my desk. Yawning, I shake the mouse because if I have to wake up, my laptop has to too. I try to log into my myspace and grunt when it tells me 'I must be logged in to do that.' I always forget that the username is my full email address. I try again successfully and smile when I see my relationship indicator. I changed it to 'In a Relationship' when I got back from the hospital. Spencer has certainly had an affect on me. 'New Messages'. I click out of order because I want to read Spencer's first.

_Ash,_

_I can't sleep or my mom will think something is up. So I'm just sitting here, exhausted, trying to keep my eyes open._

_I had a good time last night. I like being able to spend time with you. I hope my mom lets me go back to school on Monday. _

_I'm going to talk to my parents tonight. Hopefully I can convince them. I'll call you tomorrow and let you know if I'll need a ride._

_Love you,_

_Spence_

_P.S. Nice song on your profile! ;)_

I laugh at her mention of the song I put up before I went to sleep, then click reply.

_spence,_

_'backseat' is sooo our song, now. don't even pretend like you didn't download it and put it on your ipod!_

_anyways... i had fun too. _

_good luck with the parents._

_miss you already,_

_ash_

I press send and read the rest of my messages. Boring. Always random girls trying to 'reconnect' with me. Just as I'm about to close the browser, my eye catches a bulletin titled 'King High's Lesbian Cheerleader'. My heart stops. Oh god. Spencer... I click on the bulletin and it has a link to some YouTube movie. I watch with my mouth wide open. I reach over for my cell phone, unable to take my eyes off the screen. I press speed dial 2 and send.

"Hewwo, Ath." Logan mumbles into the phone, mouth full of something.

"Have you logged into your MySpace today?"

She swallows. "No. Why?"

"Our videos is on YouTube."

"What?!"

"It has 5,639 hits."

"What?!"

"You should see the comments..."

"Oh. My. God! That is fucking awesome!"

"Why didn't we think of doing that?"


	25. Chapter 25 The Heat Is On

**Chapter 25: The Heat is On**

"How did that happen?" Logan licks her fingers and tosses her granola bar wrapper into the trash can. "Your mom just signed a lease for you?"

I squint at Logan. It's an easy enough answer to give. Yes. But I know my best friend. She wants to have a conversation about this. Not just one of those discussions to get answers. It's going to lead to her trying to be all comforty because she knows my mom is a bitch that has been waiting to get me out of her house every since she found out I liked girls. So I just nod before taking a drink of my coffee and glance toward the parking lot.

"Is her mom letting her come back?" I don't know how the fuck she can read me like that. Like staring at the parking lot automatically assumes I'm looking for Spencer.

"Yeah." I flip my feet over the bench and lean back watching people file in.

"Are you going to tell her?" She stands up, grabbing her bag, and sits down next to me.

I look over at her with my best, 'are you serious?' look. "Like she wouldn't find out?" I sigh and turn my attention back toward the parking lot. Um... What the hell is that?!

"What the hell is that?" Logan says, pointing at the two people walking in our direction. I can't move mygaze from theirclasped handsswinging happily between them.

It's only when they finally approach us, that my eyes travel up her arm, over her shoulder, up her neck, over her nose and stare intensely into hers. I think there is conversation happening between that girlfriend stealer Aiden and Logan. I wouldn't know, becauseSpencer and I are having a conversation of our own. I'masking her_'What are you doing?_' and I can't tell what she is answering. It looks like '_Sorry_', but my rising blood temperature is messing with my ability to translate.

OK, I'm done. This is drama. I don't do drama. I don't do relationships. I'm blaming it all on temporary insanity brought on by a blonde tingler with magical powers. I'm so pissed off right now. Grrrrrrrr. How can we get get throughanything together when she pulls shit like this? I grab my bag and quickly jump up to leave. But before I get very far, I feel Spencer grab onto my wrist, effectively stopping me. I whip around angrily and raise my arm to break free of her grasp. "Don't."

Logan pokes me in the shoulder and I turn to glare at her. What? Do I have a signon me that says _'Touch me'_ or something?She nods her headtoward the parking lot and I follow her gaze.

Walking sheepishly into the quad, with her head hung low, over sized sunglasses covering her face, and her arms crossed as if trying to protect herself, is none other than Madison Duarte. We watch as she makes her way to her normal table. Her cheer bitch minions don't appear to be happy with her. I can't help the smirk that has formed on my face as Sherry animatedly wails her arms all about before taking Madison's bag and throwing it at the lockers. I guess thatmeans they don't want her around. OK, this is too good to pass up. . "Hey, YouTube!".

I slowly saunter up to Madison as she's picking her bag up off the floor. She stands up, and I'm only inches away from her face.I reachup and slowly pull her sunglasses off so I can look her in the eyes. "Wow." I flash an evil smile. "It must be a dream come true for you." I straighten the collar on her flannel shirt. "Instant star."

She swats my hands away and makes an attempt to retrieve her sunglasses. But I'm too quick for her and step back waving them through the air. "What? You want these?" I can see that she's embarrassed. And the fact that she hasn't made any snide remark in retaliation does not go unnoticed. I feel bad for a second, before I remember that she put me in the hospital. "Karma's a bitch." I toss the sunglasses at her feet. "You lay a finger on any of my friends again..." And what? What would I do? "You know what?" I walk up and lean to whisper into her ear. "You're not even worth it."

As I make my way off to the parking lot, I hear people whispering words like 'gay', 'kissing', 'lesbian', and 'Madison', mixed with general giggling and laughter. And I'm so pissed off. I thought that humiliating her would make me happy. That I would get some satisfaction by doing to her what she did to me and Logan. What is wrong with me?! I should be giggling and laughing too! I glance upand see Logan, Aiden and Spencer watching me. Spencer. That's why. It's like nothing else matters to me anymore. I lock eyes with her as I continue my path in the direction of my car.Have youever had one of those real-life moments that seem to play out in slow motion? This is one of those times. I'm pretty sure that a million thoughts have passed through my head in the few seconds of our intense gaze. The last one being _'You're going to break my heart'. _

I shake the thought out of my head and make sure to add a self deprecating chuckle. Because even as bad-ass as I think I am...

_--------------------------------------------_

"There!" I point to the corner of my new bedroom. "Right THERE!"

Oh my god.I know Christine did this on purpose. She hired help that doesn't speakEnglish just to make my life hell.

I watch as theover-sized Hispanic gentleman dropsthe boxin front of the bed. "Hello?!" I start to nudge the box with my shins. "I SAID overTHERE." Push._Scoot._ Push. _Scoot._ "No comprende?!"

_Bzzzzzzz_

I hear the man laugh as I reach for my phone. "No. I don't understand English at all." He says perfectly. He's still laughing as he walks out of the apartment. Oh no he didn't.

"What?!" I yell in frustration to no one as I flip open the phone to read the message.

**Come pick me up**

Really?! I cut school for a reason. I glance at the clock. _4:25 p.m._

I type back. _**School got out 2 hours ago. I'm busy. Call Aiden.**_

_Bzzzzzzz_

I sigh as I see the picture she just sent of herself pouting with her big full lips and her bright blue eyes. Grabbing my purse from the dresser, I say with exaggeration, "The tingles beckon!". God... I need to stop being such a pushover.

--------------------------------------

Pulling into the empty parking lot, I see Spencer sitting on the curb. She huffs as she gets up, adjusting the strap of her bag over her shoulder. "What took you so long? You only live like 5 minutes away."

I just stare at her with annoyance.

I'm still mad at you. YES, I am SO not whipped by you.

She gets in and I pull out and turn the corner in the direction of her house. It doesn't take long for her to speak. "Where are we going?"

"I'm taking you home." Did she not text me and ask for a ride home?

"Oh." She adjusts in her seat. "I was hoping you would take me to your house."I can see her turn to face me from my peripheral vision. "We probably should talk."

OK. So I don't know why I'm having a lot of anxiety about telling her the truth. That my mom moved me out. If it was yesterday? No problem. But today she was holding hands with Aiden. And I KNOW that it doesn't mean anything. I know Spencer Carlin. She devised this plan so that she could come back to school. It's all a cover up for what she really wants. Me. I get it. I don't need to be told. The PROBLEM is, that I specifically asked her to stay away from Aiden. She has to stop doing things without thinking first. Without talking to me. And I guess I'm just annoyed that she didn't think about how it would make me feel to see that this morning. I suddenly feel the increasing need to put up walls to protect myself. Ashley Davies doesn't get hurt. She hurts other people. "Nothing to talk about." I deadpan.

Again, through my peripheral vision, I see her nod and look out her window. I quickly glance over at her and can see that sheisslumpedagainst the door with her foreheadresting against her cupped hand.She's frowning while biting her lip and looking very pensive. Shit. Not the cupping of the hand!I AM whipped!And now I just feel shitty. Because she did it for us. She could have opted to NOT pretend to be with Aiden and stayed confined to her home. Which would mean no 'us' time. And that really would suck, I have to admit. So I do what anysucker girlfriend would do. Iflip a bitch and head back to myloft.

"What are you doing?"I'mgetting less cool by the minute.

"My house."Short and sweet. Yup. Davies is gaining back the cool points.

She doesn't say anything, so I look overat her only to be met with those beautiful blue eyes thatafflictsmewith a shortage ofoxygen.When she bashfully darts her eyes away, I'm left with the weirdest sensation. The tingles are no longer in my arms. No. I feel the tingles in my chest now. Huh.

-----------------------------------------------

"Well... at least your mom didn't skimp on the accommodations." She is slowly walking around my loft, running her fingers over the different pieces of furniture and memorizing the floor plan.

"It wasn't really up to her... exactly." I'm fiddling with the hem of my shirt. Why am I so nervous to tell her this?

She walks into the kitchen and yells "What do you mean?"

I follow her and lean one shoulder against the wall, watching her open and close all of the cupboards. "It's my money, Spencer."

I'm surprised when she doesn't even look at me and continues her investigative work on myappliances. "What do you need two coffee makers for?"

"One is for espresso and the other is for regular coffee." I roll my eyes. "And did you hear me?"

"It's your money" She confirms while she opens the fridge.

"I got my inheritance early. So I'm basically rich now. You can totally drop out of school and be my stay at home bitch." I play.

She closes the fridge and turns to face me. "You were already rich." She walks up to me and places her hands over my cheeks. "But I'm notwith youfor your money." I feel her soft lips brush over mine lightly before she pulls back with a serious expression. "I know I freaked you out earlier at school."

I shrug. "Whatever." I'm such a hypocrite. I blame her for not talking to me. Now I suddenly feel awkward and don't want tohave a conversation about it.And to top it all off, my feet are carrying me away from her and into my bedroom. I am such a shitty girlfriend.

I kick off my heels and rummage out a t-shirt and track pants from the box in the corner. Yes, that box. I begin to pull my halter top off when I feel a body pressed against my back and arms reaching around to cup my breasts. My arms are frozen above my head. I feel her fingers trace circles around my nipples before they trail ever so slowly up my arms where she helps to completely remove the article of clothing. My body is in hyper mode right now. My knees almost buckle when I feel her nibble my ear. Then that moist muscle of hers licks the entire length of my industrial piercing and I am done. I can't take it anymore so I turn around and kiss her with a passion I didn't know I was capable of. The ache between my legs is unbearable. I don't care what happened today. I love her. So I'm good. We can fuck.

I frantically unbutton and then unzip her jeans. "God, I love the sound of that." She husks into my ear. Which only turns me on even more. Jesus.

Her shirt comes off in one motion, and then I aminstantly attacking her mouth and dueling with her tongue as I push her down to the bed, falling on top of her. Our hands and lips are roaming everywhere. It's so quick and hungry. Sometime amidst all of our lustful intention, our bras were discarded. Although I can't remember that because I'm lost in the sensation of her biting in between my breasts. Oh yeah. I don't remember us switching positions either. How did she end up on top? Oh I don't care. My hands are buried in her blonde locks and guiding her head lower.

_Parents just don't understand!_

Spencer groans, sits up to straddle me and fishes her phone at of her back pocket. "Hi, Mom." I reach out and pinch one of her nipples which elicits a small gasp as she swats my hand away. "I'm sorry. I came over to Madison's after practice." I poke my finger out to draw circles around her belly button. She reaches down to still my finger and gives me a very pointed look. "No. I just... We're going over routines. Is it alright if I stay over tonight?" Thatquestion just completely electrified me. Spencer in my bed all night? I flip her over so that she is on her back and absolutely adore the shocked face she gifts me with. I start to pull down her pants and underwear. There is absolutely nothing she can do about it. Yes, I'm evil. But you have to admit. This is totally hot. "She can take me to school in the morning." I throw her pants someplace. Who really needs to keep track of where clothing lands? I spread her legs, which is a struggle...believe me. She's really fighting it. But I can't be denied. I wrap my arms under her legs and over her hips. When I am only centimeters away from where she needs me most, I look up and lock eyes. with her. "Mom, I have to go." She rushes out when she sees that I am not fooling around about this. Of course, patience isn't my virtue, so I run my tongue the entire length of her slit before wrapping my lips around her hardened clit. She moans, which only urges me on to suck harder. "Nothing. I... um.. I just.. I'll talk to you tomorrow." she forces out before tossing her phone to the other side of the bed.

I feel my head forcefully being yanked up by my hair. "Ooow, Spencer!"

"You are definitely going to pay for that." God I hope so. Ouch! She still has a death grip on my hair and pulls me up to her. "Take off your pants." she speaks into my mouth. Ooooo. Take charge, Spencer. Who am I to disobey? I stand up, hovering over her with a foot on both sides of her waist. OK, so taking your jeans off while standing on a mattress is a lot harder than you would think, but I manage to accomplish the task without crashing down and injuring her. She pulls me down so that I'm straddling her.

"Spencer! You liked this position that much, huh?" I ask in faux surprise.

She nods and bites her lip as I feel her hand reach down and herfingers slip between my folds. Mmmmm. She has the best fingers. Have I mentioned that? They're like... magic. I suddenly have that one song in my head. _You can do Magic. You can do anything that you desire. You know damn well, when you cast your spell..._I was overwhelmed with her entering me with several fingers that I forgot that I had a part to play in this 'position'. I reach around behind me and my fingers find her entrance immediately. There is no time for teasing. This is about raw, lustful, we-need-to-get-off now, sex. I'm riding her fingers and and she's thrusting her wet center into my hand. We have a perfect pace set between us and I have to admit, I like this position too. Oh god...she just found the spot. "Right there, Spence." I breathe out quickly. I'm trying to hold on. Waiting for Spencer to get there with me, but it's futile. A sudden wave of blood rushes through my body which forces me to clamp down inside of Spencer. That effectively pushes her over the edge as I collapse on top of her. Breathing heavily.

"I love you, Ash." She speaks into my messy hair.

"I love you too, Spence." I push myself up to kiss her softly.

I pull away and get lost her in eyes. It's at this moment that I realize that it doesn't matter if you make love or fuck your girlfriend. In the end, it's all about the love. And those tingles? Not in my chest. They are definitely more in the vicinity of my heart.

"Spencer?!"

We both raise our eyebrows in fright. And as if we were synchronized, our heads slowly and tentativelyturn to that device laying on the bed just a few feet away.

"Spencer, get back on this phone right now, dammit!"

Um... I wonder if Paula will buy thatwe were justpracticingsomecheerleading routine...


	26. Chapter 26 So Long

**Chapter 26: So Long**

_"Spencer!"_

Eyes still locked on the open cell phone, ears intensely listening to the sound of Paula's screaming, Spencer reaches over with her trembling fingers and flips it closed.

Air expels from my lungs as my head falls to her chest. My eyes close instinctively, as if to shut out the seriousness of this situation. I just need a moment. A few seconds of silence. My forehead presses so hard against her chest and my arms tighten around her frame. We are impossibly close and yet not close enough. Right now, I would only be satisfied if I could crawl inside her skin.

_Parents just don't understand!_

I feel my body tense as the familiar ringtone echo's through my moment of silence. There is a slight movement from Spencer before I hear the the phone being opened and snapped shut again.

My nose presses and drags between her breasts before my chin settles on her chest. Her glossy eyes are focused on the ceiling. I want to be strong for her. Deep down, I know that I'm going to need to be strong for both of us. But the site of her fighting back tears causes the tingles in my heart to drop to my stomach as I suddenly feel a wave of nausea.

_Parents just don't understand!_

I'm jolted up with force as Spencer lunges toward the phone. I watch in shock as she aggressively grabs it, cocks her arm back, and launches it across the room. My body recoils at the sound of plastic and metal shattering against the wall and falling to the wood floor.

"Are you alright?" I whisper, unsure as to why I'm whispering. It just seems like anything louder than this octave would break her beyond repair.

She grabs fists full of comforter as she covers herself protectively while curling herself up against the headboard. Away from me. Away from touching any part of me.

"Spencer?" I reach out to put a hand on her knee but she flinches and moves away even further.

I dip my head trying to get her to look at me but she doesn't cooperate. I sigh and after a few minutes of uncomfortable silence, I scoot to get out of bed. I search the room for our discarded clothing. I'm frustrated. This is worst thing that could have possibly happened to us. Spencer isn't ready to fight for us. I feel an overwhelming need to comfort her but she has shut down. I want to be her strength, but she won't let me. I don't want to entertain the thoughts going through my head. The ones that are telling me that she doesn't care enough about me or our relationship to tell her parents to fuck off.

I find Spencer's pants and throw them at her a little bit too angrily. That earns me a death glare. I roll my eyes and throw on the track pants and t-shirt I had initially planned on wearing before Spencer seduced me. Our sexy romp in bed flashes through my memory for a split second before Spencer's voice fills the room.

"Why did you have to do that?" Her voice is accusing and I'm not sure what she is blaming for.

"Do what?" I say with little conviction. I pick up her shirt and toss it to her with less force.

She pulls the article over her head as she speaks. "Do all that stuff when I was on the phone."

And when her shirt is secured in place, our eyes finally meet. She looks a little more timid than angry now. But I know my expression is less than soft. I'm getting angrier by the minute. She is saying this is my fault? Please. "Why didn't you hang up the phone?!" I turn away and wince at the venom laced in my question.

I hear rustling of the covers, feet on the floor, the sound of denim against skin, and a zipper before Spencer walks passed me muttering, "Take me home."

There has been no conversation. Spencer hasn't even shifted in her seat. I know... I've been stealing glances whenever possible. I wish I had the words to make this better but I've never been good at talking. I have a bad feeling in my gut. That as soon as I drop her off, we are over. And that has me racking my brain frantically for something to say.

"Are you sure you're ready to go home?" My voice surprises me at how timid`it is.

"No." She finally adjusts a little while sighing. "But I don't really have a choice now, do I?"

Reaching a red light, I bring the car to a stop and reach over to rest my hand on her thigh. At least she didn't flinch this time. "We'll get through this together, Spencer."

She mumbles something that I can't decipher. I squeeze her thigh lovingly before grabbing the gear shift when the light turns green.

More awkward silence and the weight in my chest is getting heavier the closer we get to her house. "I didn't catch what you said back there." I'm really just searching for some sort of discussion. I need to hear her say something positive. Anything that will let me know that she is in this with me.

"It was nothing." She reaches forward and turns the radio on. Loud.

Fuck. Fuck this. Fuck her mom. Fuck my life! I abruptly switch lanes, almost causing a Hummer to roll, as I turned into a strip mall, screech into an open parking space, and cut the engine.

"Are you crazy?!" Spencer screams as she turns to face me.

I throw off my seat-belt and launch myself halfway over the center console. My hands find residence in her hair, fingers grasping tight as I force our foreheads together intensely. "Yes.", I breathe out. Her eyes flutter around before anchoring to mine. "I'm _crazy_ about _you_." I urgently capture her lips. If she won't let me talk to her, I'm going to force her to listen to this.

I explore every part of her mouth. Her teeth, the inside of her cheeks, underneath her tongue... Ever. Single. Inch. I'm telling her that this belongs to me. I belong to her. It's passionate and unhurried. Sweet, soft, and full of love. We ignore the honks and whistles coming from outside of the vehicle as we lose ourselves in each other. This moment. Our moment. And as I feel her hands against my chest, the pressure she is applying, creating distance between us, I keep my eyes closed and wonder if this will be the last moment.

"Ashley..." Don't do it.

I shake my head, silently urging her not to continue.

"I can't..." Why?

My hand interrupts her sentence as it covers her mouth. I still haven't opened my eyes. I can't look at her. I can't handle this. I'm the one that can't. Can't deal with her pushing me away. Can't deal with her not loving me. Can't deal with rejection. Can't deal with her insecurity. Can't deal with her cowardliness. She CAN do this, but she's choosing not to.

She pulls my hand down from her face. "Just take me home."

"No!" I say stubbornly. My eyes open and meet hers challengingly.

"No?" Did I stutter?

"No." I sit back into my seat, rubbing at my knees that suddenly hurt. Damn those consoles are painful. "You don't get to do this."

"Do what?" She says with exhaustion as she straightens her shirt and sits facing forward.

"Run away from me."

"Ashley, I'm not running away." Her elbow finds the window and she runs her hand through her hair in frustration. "I just need time to think."

I open the car door, hop out, and slam it shut before saying bitterly, "That's code for 'It's over'!"

I watch as Spencer opens her door, hops out just as pissy, and slams it shut. "You ARE crazy!"

It doesn't even phase me that us shouting at each other from opposite sides of the car is causing a scene and attracting an audience. We are in an incredibly intense situation; focused only on each other. The world outside of ours is non-existent at this point. "I'm Crazy?! Spencer let me refresh your memory." I place both hands on the window as I lean forward as if it is going to drive the point home even more. "You're straight. You're gay. You kiss me. You're straight. You can't be with me. You CAN be with me. You love me. And now you need time to think? What the hell, Spencer?!"

She mirrors my stance by placing her hands on the other window. "Oh please, Ashley. You're acting like you're some saint! I was scared, OK?! You KNEW that and you still went off to go fuck some random chick at your stupid club! Then when I think we work things out, you freak out on me! You are ALWAYS freaking out on me."

"I DID freak out on you. I DON'T anymore!" I just want us to be OK. "We can get through this!" I say again for the second time today. Why can't she just agree to work this out? Come up with a plan of action?

"You're freaking out right NOW!" What does she expect? She wouldn't talk to me. Practically ignored me. Pushed me away when I kissed her. I am SO frustrated.

"Whatever." I shrug. "I changed for you."

"I didn't ask you to change for me, Ashley." Her voice is soft as she says that. And it only pisses me off more.

"Well I did, OK?!"

She throws her hands up in the air in frustration. "Oh my GOD! This is so stupid. I'm in love with a twelve-year-old."

I'm sure my mouth is wide open. I'm stunned momentarily at her insult. "Well I'd have to be. I'm in love with someone who acts like one."

"Real mature." I look down to the concrete as I take in another blow. She really just can't let up on the insults.

"You can't even tell your mooooommy that you like girls." I faux pout as I play up my immaturity just for her.

"Oh." She walks around my car until she is standing right in front of me with her arms crossed. "Because she would be just so proud of this..." She pokes me in the chest with her finger. "...spoiled, rich, brat that I bring home?"

There are times in your life when you do something that you regret. You look back on them and wish you could have done everything differently. But let me tell you that the instant my hand met her face in a stinging slap, I knew that I would never think twice about having done it.

And just because life likes to be cruel to me, the slow motion kicks in. I'm pulled back into the real world as I hear gasps from the previously unnoticed spectators. Spencer's hand moves to cover her reddened face. She looks at me with teary eyes and my heart breaks as I watch the water stream down her cheeks.

She looks around at the people who have congregated around us. And as if she feels the need to give them a grand performance, her hand moves from her face to the jewelry around her neck. She fiddles with it between her fingers for a few seconds before bunching the chain into her fist. With one quick motion, she breaks it off of her neck and throws it at me with such force that it actually stung my arm when it hit.

"Well YOU love this brat!" I yell at her back. Yes, her back. She's already about a 50 yards away. "That's right! Run away, Spencer! Just like always!"

It isn't until she is out of sight that I realize a ton of people just watched my tingler break me. I glance around at all of them before bowing several times. "Thank you. Thank you... I'm glad your lives are so boring that you have to get off on watching mine." I smirk as if I'm unaffected.

After the crowd disperses, I slowly get into my car. I rest my head on the steering wheel, finally allowing the tears to spill out, and I only have one thought repeating in my mind:

_I knew she'd break my heart._

_I knew she'd break my heart._

_I knew she'd break my heart._


	27. Chapter 27 Wrap Your Arms Around Me

**Chapter 27: Wrap Your Arms Around Me**

You know how when you are in the heat of the moment and you can't be convinced that you are wrong? Then only a few hours later you come to regret every decision you ever made up until that point in your life? Yeah. Me too. I'm trying to figure out what went wrong. I think back to Cancun and remember the gorgeous blonde girl that gave me tingles the first time she touched my hand. You couldn't have convinced me then, that this girl would eventually wreck me. I was so dead set on running away from that unfamiliar sensation. What happened? 

Why couldn't I have just let her walk away from me on that dance floor? Why did I have to drag her into the bathroom? Why did she have to get sick and why wouldn't her brother take her back to her hotel? It seems like everything was predetermined with Spencer and I. Why did she choose me? What did I have to offer her? Sure, I'm sexy as hell, but there were a lot of other good lookinggirls in that club that would have been just as willing to experiment with her. 

That morning in my bed. I remember just watching her. I had never seen anyone more beautiful than her and I don't think I ever will. Perfection just doesn't exist outside of Spencer Carlin. She got under my skin. I tried to fight it, but it was no use. The moment she kissed me with that Altoid mouth of hers, I was gone. Completely gone. And that's why I sat there, gazing at her eyelids why she slept. I was so conflicted. I knew deep down that it was going to be trouble. That it could only end badly. The truth was that we were on vacation in another country. I couldn't imagine ever falling for anyone, but there was something inside of me telling me I was going to fall for her. 

I knew exactly what it was. She was different. She wasn't just another random. She was a cute, naive, tingler. I felt like I needed to take care of her. Be gentle with her. Heh. Be gentle with her. I fucking hate myself so much for what I did to Spencer today. I mean,it broke me,the things that she said. She basically confirmed my worst fears with only a few sentences. That she doesn't really love me. That she thinks I'm a stuck up, rich, slut. I'm not worth fighting for. Ever. And how could I blame her? She was so right. I'm not good enough for her or her family. They are perfect and I'm just a screwed up kid with too much money. 

The day she walked into my classroom, I thought that if there was a god, he was doing me a favor. I had dreamed about Spencer that entire week after she walked away from me on that beach. I was convinced that my vacation was a perfect sign that the world had it in for me. Because it would just figure that the unattainable Ashley Davies would fall for someone she couldn't have. But when I heard those books drop, only to look up and find Spencer staring right at me. That was all it took for me to think that maybe it wasfate that brought us together. I know now, I was only fooling myself. 

"Ashley?" Logan whispers tentatively before slowly lowering herself to her knees beside me. 

"Thanks for coming." My voice never ceases to surprise me. It shouldn't, though. The hoarseness of it would be about right for someone who has been crying for the past 6 hours. I offer her a drink by raising the bottle of Jack Daniels to her lips. "Drink?" 

She puts her hand on top of the bottle and gently pushes it down, indicating that she's not interested in drinking with me. Well good. More for me. "What are you doing here?" 

_Swig._ "Protecting her." 

Logan puts her arm around me and I can't tell you how good it feels to be comforted. I mean, I can't tell you how much it hurts to think that I'll never be able to hold Spencer again. To feel her delicate arms wrapped around me. To have her fingers tracing the skin underneath my shirt. The smell of her hair as she buries her head against my neck. It hurts sooo bad to think that I've lost that. Lost her. "Protect her from what?" 

"Her mom." I shrug. "Me." _Swiiiig._

"What happened?" She sits down on her butt and rests her head on my shoulder, which is nice. Now I can use her head as a pillow. 

"I hit her." And it surprises me how easily I was able to say that out loud. But that shouldn't either. Because it's just Logan. My best friend, Logan. Good ol' Log- 

"You WHAT!" She yelps. 

"Shhhh!" I quickly tackle herwith my hand covering her mouth. "Way to be covert, bitch." 

She peels my hand away. "You fucking hit her?" She's searching my eyes like she wants to believe that I'm lying. I wish I was. I just shake my head solemnly as she pushes me off of her and sits up. "Ashley! What is wrong with you? Why would you DO that!" 

"Um, hello? Volume? Down?" Jesus. I can't take her anywhere. 

"I don't even know you." She pushes me in the chest. And it kind of hurt. It might have hurt more if I hadn't had so much to drink. 

"Ow." I pout and she pushes me again harder. "Stop!" I whine and she pushes me even harder which causes me to lose my balance and land on my back. "I didn't know you like it rough!" I kid. I make no attempt to get up. It's actually way more comfortable laying down. 

"You're pathetic, Ashley." I watch her stand up. "You don't deserve her!" 

I hear a click and before I have time to comprehend what the sound is, Logan is pulling me up by my sweatshirt and dragging me across the lawn into the bushes. "Hey! I don't deserve grass stains either!" And now she's the one covering my mouth. 

"Shhh! Someones coming." 

We watch as the porch light turns on and Glen walks out into view. I'd laugh at this power ranger boxersifI didn't think that he would injure me. I mean he did send out a hit on 'Logan'. Oops. Too late. Why didn't Logan grab the bottle of Jack? 

"Shit." Logan mumbles against my cheek. 

Glen looks around the yarduntil he turns around and faces us. I instinctively duck, which rustles the bushes, and gives us away completely. Logan pushes me down. "Way to be covert, bitch." She uses my words against me as shehops up and confidently swaggersout onto the grass to face the devil. I think I'll hang out back here for awhile. It's cooler. 

Glen looks her over. Twice. But I can't blame him. She is hot. "Who are you!" 

"Logan." 

It may be kind of dark, but I definitely notice the massive eye roll he gives her. "Right." He starts to walk over to me. "Everyone's a Logan." 

Power rangergently grasps my arms and raises me to my feet. I'm surprised when he starts to swat at the twigs and leaves that had clung to my clothing. He grabs my hand and pulls me out onto the lawn. "She doesn't want to see you." 

I look up toward her window. The same window I've been staring out for most of the night. Bad-ass Davies has officially left the building. 'Why?' you ask? Because loser Davies has taken over and decided to let the waterworks flow in front of people. In front of Glen, for god's sake. "Yeah..." And I wish I had something more profound to say. But I just don't. There are no words that can fix this. I fumble around the pockets of my hoodieuntil I find the necklace Spencer rocket launched at me earlier. I hand it to Glen. "Just give this to her, OK?" My hands wipe the tears away from my stinging eyes. "Tell her that maybe it was meant to be a 'Goodbye' necklace all a long." And with that... I'm done. I grab Logan's arm with one hand and reach down to pick up the bottle of jack with the other, before dragging her off to my car. 

"Don't hurt me, Davies!" She breaks free of my grasp and she rubs her arm dramatically" I'm not Spencer." Ouch. 

-------------------------------------------------- 

I don't know why I thought it was necessary to come to school today. I'm rich. It's not like I even need to be here. I hear GED's are all the rage these days. Maybe I just feel like I deserve to be miserable. Oh who am I fooling? I'm here because I want to see her. I need to see her. I'm not kidding myself, though. There is no way she is going to talk to me. If I scared her away just by kissing her. I'm sure that violence is official cause for termination of all contact forever. 

Whatever. Her mom probably has her chained to her headboard right now.How ironic.I ran away from her because I thought I was losing myself. If only I had known that losing her would be way worse. Maybe if I just would have given myself to her completely from the beginning, things would have been different. Like... if I wouldn't have been such an untrustworthy girlfriend, she might have been proud to have me in her life. And she would have felt like I was worth fighting for. What could I have expected? My past has been a cripple in our relationship since day one. That first conversation we had over the phone? All she cared about washow many girls I had fucked. I should have seen it then. They way she could never view me as anything other than a whore. 

Takinga sip of my coffee, I catch the site of Aiden guiding Spencer through the quad with his arm draped around her. She briefly looks at me before her gaze lowers back to the ground. She looks horrible. She's not at all dressed like the Spencer I know. Baggy beige cargo pants and a run down over-sized Ohio St. sweatshirt. Her hair is down and in her face. As if she is purposely trying to shield herself from me. And Aiden... Asshole. Of course he would take this opportunity to move in and be the knight and shining- Wait. Why did he let her walk off? Why is hecoming over here? Ifumble to throw away my coffee and get my bag packed upto try to make a run for it but am stopped when I feel a hand on my shoulder. "I think I warned you about hurting Spencer." 

I'm trembling. Not because he scares me. But because his words actually pierced through my heart and dislodged every single tingle. I hurt Spencer. I didn't want to. And what is WITH the effing tears! I exhaustively sit down and bury my head in my arms. 

"But clearly I don't need to beat you up." He says with sincerity and a touch of humor. "Looks like you're doing a good enough job of that already." 

He takes a seat next to me and blankets my shoulders with his arm. And I'm feeling a bit pathetic because the only thing I can think of right now is that this same arm was attached to Spencer seconds ago. I think I can smell her, but it may be phantom odor. You know... like after you lose your arm or leg, they say you can still feel it. Phantom limbs. Yeah... that must be it. 

"Ash..." 

"Aiden, stop it!" Ichoke out."Leave me alone!" 

He lifts my chin up with his free hand and smiles that ridiculously charming way that I remember from long ago. "Ash..." He repeats. "She loves you, you know?" 

I must gawk at him like he's grown two heads because he just lets out a laugh that both frightens me and comforts me at the same time, if that's even possible. 

His hand moves from my chin to ruffling my hair. "She told me all about you forever ago." And there it is.The answer tothe question I couldn't ask. "That day you were hanging out in her driveway? She told me she couldn't be with me because she was pretty sure she was in love with you." 

I know that confession should make me feel better. But it only makes me feel a million times worse. I bury my head back into my folded arms and pray to some god that I they take me out of my misery. 

Aiden's hands cover my shoulders and gently starts massaging. "I miss you, Ash. I should have never told Madison about finding you and Logan." His hands still as he sighs. "I was just jealous. I loved you. You know that, right?" He waits for my nod, before he continues kneading my neck. 

"Aiden?" I mumble into the table. 

"Yeah?" 

"How is she?" I raise my head and look to him for an answer. 

He halts the massage. "The truth?" 

"Yeah." I close my eyes and brace for the answer. 

"Devastated." 

-------------------------------- 

Don't ask me why I do stupid things. I know that Spencer is off limits. But it's lunch. I can't stop thinking about her. There she is at her locker. And here I am walking up to her. 

"Hey." I whisper as I lean my shoulder up against the locker next to hers. 

She's transferring books from her bag to her locker and doesn't acknowledge me. 

"I'm sorry." I close my eyes, wishing that I had something less empty to say. 

She rummages through her locker a bit more before she hands me a box. "I don't need it." 

I reach through her arms to put it back in her locker. "Yeah you do. Yours is lying on my floor in pieces." 

Grabbing the box out of her locker again, she shoves it forcefully into my chest. "Good."Her eyes meetminefor the first time since the incident."Maybe it was meant to be a 'Goodbye' phone." 

Sheturns away, slammingher locker shut before walking away. 

I sigh, open Spencer's locker, and put it back in. 


	28. Chapter 28 Gonna Sing You My Love Song

**Chapter 28: Gonna Sing You My Love Song**

"It hasn't been activated?" I open the door to my flat and motion for Logan to come in. "Oh, OK." Closing the door, I place the phone to my other ear as I follow her into the kitchen. "She's authorized on the account, right?" Logan rummages through the fridge as I hop up on the counter. "Yes. Spencer Carlin." I take a drink of the iced tea that was just handed to me. "And you don't have any record of her calling or anything?" Logan stands directly in front of me, takes the phone out of my hand, and flips it closed.

"Ash." Oh great. If I had a dime for every time she flashed me those sympathetic eyes, I'd be a millionaire. But since I already am one, I'd rather her just pity someone else. "Stop doing this."

"Stop doing what?" And my eyes roam around the kitchen trying to avoid the weight of her gaze.

I feel my chin being grabbed and my face forcefully turned in her direction. "Acting like she's your whole world."

A chuckle involuntarily escapes as I flash a sardonic grin. It isn't acting, that's for sure. Why would someone even act as stupid as this? As stupid as me? For the past week, I've done nothing but harass every single customer service rep at Verizon Wireless, watched Bye Bye Birdie more times than I'd ever admit to anyone, and picked Logan up from school every day just so I could possibly catch a glimpse of Spencer. That is... until today. For some reason, Logan accused me of being a creepy stalker and forbid me to step foot on campus again. "Whatever."

I push Logan away, hop off the counter, and take a seat at the table.

Spinning the glass of ice tea in my hand, I feel Logan looking at me. "Yeah...whatever." I watch her breeze by me into the living room. Which only means one thing. Shit!

I bolt after her, knocking the chair over. As soon as she is in my vision, my suspicions are confirmed when I see her hurriedly pulling a DVD out of the player and putting it in a case. I stop just behind the couch and glare at her. "You wouldn't."

She raises an eyebrow challengingly while waving the case back and forth. "Bye Bye..." She starts to run to the right but when I counter with a move in the same direction she stops. Then she starts to run to the left, and I mimic the motion. "Birdie!" She screams as I launch myself over the couch and lunge at her.

I tackle her to the floor, but she is such a fucking butch and rolls us over so she is on top. She has one hand trying to still my flailing arms as she holds her other arm up, keeping the movie out of my reach. "Give it to me!"

"No!" She somehow manages to gather both of my wrists with just her one hand. Damn she's talented.

After struggling for awhile, I'm tired. Spent. So I try a new tactic. "Please?" My Davies pout always works on her.

She tosses the movie onto the couch, before lowering herself down on me and pinning my hands above my head. "Please what?" She breathes out so that I can feel the air expel from her mouth and onto my chin.

I squirm a little and turn my head to nod toward the sofa. "Please don't take my movie."

"She isn't going to just turn up." She releases my hands and raises herself up a bit to look down on me. "You fucked up big time, Ash." I fight back tears as her fingers brush some loose strands of hair out of my face. "I still haven't forgiven you for it. Do you really think she has?"

"No." I shrug. "And can you get off of me? I'm sure you're girlfriend wouldn't like our close proximity."

Logan frowns. "She's not my girlfriend."

I look at her questioningly. "Log?" I raise my hands to her shoulders. "What happened?"

"She's straight." My laughter starts off slowly, but then becomes contagious as Logan joins in, then increases to awful embarrassing belly laughs from the both of us. I have to push her off of me just to clutch at the cramp in my side.

After a few minutes, we catch our breath, and lay side by side looking at each other contently. "I'm going to tell you exactly what you said to me when I told you that Spencer wasn't gay." I can tell that she doesn't remember what she said by her expectant look. "Whatever. She had sex with you."

She grins. "I remember that." She reaches over and entwines our fingers together between us. "Then you made a point to remind me that I had sex with you. As if that was supposed to convince me that she was straight." She laughs, then asks seriously, "Why does everything have to be so complicated?"

I squeeze her hand. "It has to be. Or else you wouldn't realize how important it really is." I smile as something comes to my mind. "Or worth fighting for." I stand up and reach out to help Logan. "I've gotta call Aiden." Just before I reach my bedroom, I turn around and glare at her. "Don't even think about it."

The guilt is written all over her face as she walks over and places the DVD of 'Bye Bye Birdie' on top of the entertainment center.

--

I don't know what I'm doing anymore. How does Ashley Davies fall in love? When did she become a sappy, emotional mess? I'm young. I shouldn't want to be tied down to one person.

The door opens, and I squint through the darkness to see if I can catch a glimpse of the people walking in. I can only make out shapes, but I can hear perfectly.

"Aiden... Come on... I don't want to do this."

"Relax, Spence. I've got connections. The owner gave me the keys and said I could use the place tonight."

"I don't care. I just don't see how this is going to help."

"It will. I promise."

I watch the dark forms head toward the locker rooms and let out the breath I was holding. Just hearing her voice shoots twisting cramps through my chest. It hurts so much that I can't just hold her. And I guess that answers my question from before. I want to be tied down to one person. I want to be tied down to Spencer. Because without her, there is no one to anchor me. I'll just float away and aimlessly fly around until I'm deflated.

The lights flicker on and I suddenly feel exposed. I push myself up off of the canvas and pat imaginary dust off of my track pants. I'm so nervous and I can't fight back this urge to run away before she sees me.

"No...no, no, no. Aiden, this is ridiculous." My breath catches as I watch Aiden pushing Spencer toward me. Toward the boxing ring. She has her back to me. Still unaware of my presence.

"No it's not. You just gotta throw a few punches. Get the anger out." He looks up at me and sends me a knowing smile. I bite my lip at the site of Spencer's glove covered hands pushing at his chest. She's so adorable.

"Hitting isn't going to solve anything."

"You're right." I say out into the wide open gym. My voice carries and echos eerily. Spencer turns around so fast, I thought she could have possibly gotten whiplash. Her eyes are so filled with surprise. And... sadness as they bore into my pleading ones.

Aiden rubs her arms from behind quickly before walking toward the front door. "I'll be disappointed if you two don't go 10 full rounds!", he calls out. Then exits and locks the door.

I smile unsteadily at Spencer. "Come on. Get up here."

She doesn't comply with the request. Crossing her arms, she blows a strand of hair out of her face. "What are you doing, Ash?"

"I don't know, Spencer." I walk over to the edge of the ring and kneel down to look at her between the ropes. "I just couldn't figure out how to make it up to you. I hate this feeling. Like there is absolutely nothing I can do to make up for... you know."

"You can't even say it." She says accusingly.

I can't look at her when she is so upset with me. It feels horrible. The only person that every loved me, now hates me. "Hit you." I say in barely a whisper. Defeated before a single punch was thrown.

"You don't even have gloves on." I look up at her unexpected words to find her climbing up and through the ropes. I watch as she starts bouncing around the ring like she's warming up for a championship bout.

I stand up and walk to the center of the ring. I'm feeling a mixture of being amused and fearful at the same time. "I'm not going to fight. This is for you. Hit me... or whatever. It's fair. I deserve it."

She bounces in circles around me. "What do you mean?" She taunts. "You like to hit." I look down because even though I know that I deserve this, it doesn't make it hurt any less. "Come on. Lets fight." She pounds her gloves together as she takes position in front of me, still bouncing.

"I don't like to hit." Every word that comes out of my mouth sounds so small. I'm tiny. Spencer has all the power. I'm giving it to her. I wasn't bad-ass Davies the minute she walked into my life. And if I could have Spencer again, I wouldn't care to ever be that person again.

I'm no longer vibrating, which means that she must've stopped jumping around. I look up and my heart breaks when I see her glossy eyes zoned in on my hand. The hand. I step toward her and raise my hand to caress her face where there is still a faint red mark over a week after the incident, but she flinches and steps back.

"Spencer. I'm so sorry." I take another step toward her and she takes another step back. "I wasn't go to hit you. I'll never hit you again."

She laughs sarcastically. "You're right. You won't have the chance to."

You won't have the chance to. Six words that might just haunt me for the rest of my life. "What does that mean?"

She shakes her head. "I can't do this."

Just before she starts to climb through the ropes to get out, I gently grab her arm. "Please." And now the tears are flowing. She can't leave me again. "Don't walk away from me."

Spencer sighs heavily and then sits on the floor with her face buried in her gloves. "What do you want from me?" Or at least I think that is what she said. It was kind of muffled.

I sit cross legged directly in front of her, slowly push her gloves down to her lap and whisper, "I just want you."

"You had me, Ash." She's staring at her gloves, silently refusing to look me in the eyes. "All of me."

"Did I?" I start to undo the laces on one of her gloves. "Because it didn't feel like that to me."

"How can you say that? I gave you everything I could. I tried so hard with you." She wiggles her hand out of the glove, then pulls the other glove away when I reach to undo those laces. "I can do it."

I sigh and watch her fiddle with the strings. "I know you tried, Spencer. It's just... I felt like you were ashamed of me."

"Why?" She tosses the glove to the side and starts massaging her hands. "Because I didn't announce to the world that we were fucking?"

I wince at her crude description of our relationship. "I guess..."

"See? That is exactly why we don't work!" She interrupts. "You assume too much."

"I told you I wasn't good at this. I tried too, Spence."

She raises her knees to her chest and rests her chin on her knees. Really looking at me for the first time. I'm trying to read her eyes, but I can't. There is so much confusion surrounding us that our eye language has lost translation. "You didn't try hard enough."

And there are five more words that could possibly haunt me. this was such a bad idea. "I'm sorry." Because that's all I can say. I never lied about this. I cannot ever find the right words to convey what I'm feeling. It's like, If Spencer could step inside my body and just for one second feel what I'm feeling, she would have no doubt that we were meant to be. And I'm getting angry with myself for missing out on this opportunity to make things right. "I'm sorry." I whisper again. Falsely thinking it would sound more convincing the second time around, I guess.

"Yeah... me too." She spins herself around and limbos under the lowest rope until she is out of the ring and walking toward the locker room.

This did not go well. What was I expecting to happen? I watched Bye Bye Birdie too many times. It totally made me sappy.

"Everything is Spencerrrr... Loved her since I met herrrrr..." Oh my god. Is that my voice? What am I doing? Why am I singing? Why am I exiting the ring? Why am I walking toward the locker room? "With a girl like Spencerrrr... How could I be bluuuue?" I turn the corner and see her with her cell phone raised half way up to her ear and looking at me in shock. "We could be so cozyyyy... Just like Al and Rosie..." That line made her giggle despite herself. "But we're gonna mosey in a Cayenne made for twoooo.."

I take the phone out of her hand and place it on one of the benches. "I once heard a poem that goes... a rose is a rose is a rose... But take it from me, I don't agree... there's one rose sweeter than ANY that grows. And that's my Spencerrr..." I put my arms around her and she's in so much disbelief that she doesn't protest. "I'm so glad I found herrrr..." I pull her close and whisper the next lyric. "Life is one..." _Kiss._ "sweet..." _Kiss._ "beautiful girl..." _Kiss._ "to me..."

I'm surprised when the next kiss isn't initiated by me. Instead, Spencer has passionately wrapped her arms around my neck with her hands applying pressure to the back of my head. The tingles are replenishing with every stroke of her tongue as they shoot feverishly throughout my body. I love the way she feels. I love the way she tastes. Words can't describe the sensation of Spencer Carlin kissing you. It's like every thing that is pure and right in the world, is projected out of her and into you. It feels... like love. And as our mouths part and lips brush and tongues meet and hands fumble, I'm picturing those little happy faces that Dick Van Dyke was painting in the air in her favorite movie. I would think that was weird right now, but it just makes this moment more sweet and memorable. Thank you, 'Bye Bye Birdie'.

Spencer pulls away panting. But I don't let her get away from me. "Spence?"

"Ash?"

"You just kissed me." I say grinning.

"You're smart."

"Will you kiss me again?"

She pulls away completely and turns away. "You're not so smart."

Woah. I'm confused. "I don't understand."

"Ash, please..." She grabs her phone from the bench and presses a button. "I have to go."

God. Not again. I don't know if I could take it. "Why?"

"Aiden?" She looks at me for a second before guilty looking away. "Can you come get me?" Fuck. Whey, Spencer? "Yeah, we talked. We're good." No we aren't good! "K, thanks... Bye." She flips the phone shut and sits on the bench. Not facing me.

"Why?" I repeat my question from before.

"I can't fall back into this." She bends over starts packing the gloves into a bag. "Into you."

"Why not?" I sound so stupid. Can I do anything other than begging? Can I ask anything other than 'Why?'.

"Because, Ash. This isn't a movie!" She yells in frustration.

I go to sit next to her and she quickly stands up. "Spencer... please don't do this." I run my fingers through my hair, scratching at my scalp.

"I just can't, Ashley." She finally turns to look at me. "I love you. I really do." Tears being to fall from my eyes when I see her mascara streaked face. "But it's too hard.", she sobs before walking out of the locker room.

I hear the lock unlatch and the front door open and close. I whisper to no one, "Now who isn't trying hard enough."


	29. Chapter 29 We Should Be Together

**Chapter 29:** We Should Be Together

"How long is this going to take?" Because really. I don't have all day. OK, so I do have all day. But this is ridiculous.

I lean forward and straighten out the block of wood on the desk that reads 'James P. Roberts' before sitting back and crossing my arms.

"Is your mother usually late?" He scribbles something onto one of those yellow tablets of paper.

I look up at the clock at the mention of time, noting that it's 7:45 A.M. I've been sitting in here for 15 minutes. I shrug my shoulders and cross my legs to stop my foot from tapping incessantly on the tile floor.

Mr. Roberts glances at the watch on his wrist, tosses his pen on the desk, and leans back sighing. "OK. Then lets get started without her."

I raise an eyebrow quizzically, feigning ignorance. It's not as if I don't know why he called me and my mother here this morning.

"I'm sure you know why I've called you here this morning." I nod slowly as he pulls out some papers from his top right drawer. "Dentist." He places the top piece of paper on the desk. "Gynecologist." The second piece of paper falls from his finger tips. "Flu." He does a flicky thing and the third piece flutters to the floor. I roll my eyes at his antics. "PMS?" He looks at me for an answer.

I don't humor him. I'm bored. I would have called out today too, if he hadn't contacted Christine.

He places the remaining stack back in the drawer before resting his elbows on the desk and clasping his hands together. I watch as his fingers fiddle with the band on his watch. "Miss Davies. What's going on?"

"I've been busy?" What else am I supposed to say? I can't come to school because my heart is breaking for a beautiful blonde student from Ohio? That I can't sit by her in classes? I can't face her.

"This is grounds for suspension." His index finger is tapping the face of his watch and it's annoying the hell out of me.

I stand up, place my palms flat on the top of the desk, and lean forward. "You had me come in at the butt crack of dawn to tell me that I'm being suspended?"

"Miss Davies, I didn't say you were-"

I interrupt his sentence by raising my hand between us. "No." I feel my eyes narrow. "God. Suspension is like a dream come true. Would have saved me the trouble of having to call in every morning."

The counselor stands up, taking me off guard a bit. He walks around the desk and puts one hand on my shoulder. "Whatever it is that's keeping you away from school? It's not worth it." An incredulous chuckle escapes my mouth. "I'm being real with you, Ashley." I feel his fingers squeeze comfortingly. "School is important. I know it doesn't seem it like now, but in ten years... you won't even barely remember any of this teenage drama you're going through right now."

I push his hand off of my shoulder and walk to the door. "You know what Mr. Roberts?." The handle turns in my hand as I look back over my shoulder at him. "If only you were right." I pull the knob and start to walk out but am interrupted by him saying my name. I turn around in frustration. "Yeah?"

"I expect that you will be in your classes today." Could he be anymore annoying?

"Whatever." And with that, I turn and leave.

--

I've successfully managed to avoid Spencer all day. I didn't hang out in the quad before classes, I made no trips to my locker, I hid in the bathroom stall during break, and went off campus for lunch with Logan. Now I'm standing across the hall from my English Class.

"Ash, come on." Logan grabs my hand and tries to pull me to the door.

I retract my hand and quickly yank on her wrist, spinning her back to me as I crouch a bit behind her to hide myself from the people filing into the classroom. "Stay!"

"What am I, your fucking dog?!" She crosses her arms in annoyance.

I wince a little because it did sound like that. "Yeah well... you're my bitch." I shrug. "So I guess so."

"Why do I even put up with you?" She sighs dramatically.

I glance around her shoulder at the door. Nope. Still no Spencer. "Because you're in love with me."

"You wish!" She scoffs. "That was SO two months ago." I can't help but laugh at that. The bell rings as she puts a hand on my chest and pushes me so that my back hits the lockers behind me. "Last week I couldn't convince you to NOT pick me up after school. Just so you could see Spencer. Now your avoiding her? What is UP with you?"

The hall has mostly cleared of people and I haven't seen Spencer, so it's probably safe to go in. And I don't feel like having this conversation with Logan right now so I walk around her heading for the classroom. "We're going to be late."

--

It's a weird feeling. Relief that the desk beside me is empty. And...grief. That the desk beside me is empty. When she kissed me the other night, I knew in that moment, that she was my other half. My soul mate. There was no doubt in my mind. But now, I'm left wondering if people sometimes miss their chance with the person they are meant to be with. I've never been the person to think about love or fate prior to meeting Spencer. But now I can't stop thinking about it. About her. I've tried drinking. That makes it worse. I've tried watching movies, but they all remind me of her. Listening to music only makes me depressed. I just feel so helpless. There is nothing left to do.

"Sorry. I'm late." I look up at the familiar voice. I watch as Spencer hands a slip to the teacher. She begins to walk this way but as she turns down our row of desks, she stops for a split second, surprised to see me. I take pity on her and look back down at my desk. I don't want her to go through anymore turmoil over me... Our situation. I hear her sit and rummage through her bag.

"OK. Turn to page 158." the teacher instructs. I look around uncomfortably before slouching in my seat. I really should have paid a visit to my locker. "Logan, will you read?"

As Logan begins reciting the words, Mrs. Rollins paces through the row of desks. "Ashley, where is your book?"

I make a face. "In my locker. I can go get-"

"Don't be ridiculous." She interrupts. "Scoot your desk over and share Spencer's." I unconsciously glance over at my ex. She answers the uncertainty in my eyes by telling me it's OK with her own.

"OK. Thanks." I slowly stand up and push the desk over. I cringe at the loud scrapy-squeeky noise it makes as it moves. "Sorry.' I say to the classroom.

"It's OK." Spencer whispers as I sit down. I can't help the small smile that forms as a result of her thinking I was talking to her. She gently slides the book so that it's laying over the tiny crack between our desks.

"Alright. Logan, please continue." Mrs. Rollins begins to pace the rows again.

I pretend to concentrate on reading the page that is opened in front of us. But really, I'm focused on Spencer's hand that is resting on it. Slowly moving, guiding her thumb across the top of the sentences that are being read. Her hands are so perfect. Slender fingers accentuated by manicured fingernails with a clear polish. I try to suppress a sigh, but it's useless. It escaped. And Spencer noticed because her hand stills as she looks over and up at me, her face expressionless. Her hair is tucked behind her left ear, giving me a perfect view of her gorgeous face. The blonde strands of hair on the right have fallen toward the desk and appear to be an even lighter shade of blonde due to the way the light from the window is illuminating them.

I expected her to turn her attention back to the book by now, but she hasn't. I watch as her eyes look over the features of my face. I'm not fooling myself into thinking that she's admiring me the way I am of her. But then she's moving. Leaning over to me. Before I even have time to realize, her hair is in my face as she's whispering into my right ear. "You look tired." She pulls back expecting me to respond. I just shrug and sit forward, trying to match words on the page to Logan's voice. I reach to turn the page at the same time as Spencer and our hands meet. I did have the urge to move it away quickly, but the other urge I had was to revel in the feeling of her touch. She lightly rubs the top of my hand before scooting it down off the book. She then flips through the pages attempting to find the spot that we should be at.

This would be so cute and so perfect, if we were together. If she were mine. I imagine that I could move my hand underneath her desk to rest it lovingly on her thigh. I would lean in close to her and watch as she read a long. Content that it would be OK to share affectionate but secretive touches and glances. We _should_ be together.

I'm brought out of my daze by Spencer's breath in my ear again. "Ash... don't."

It takes me a few seconds to realize what she is whispering to me about. I feel my face increase in temperature as I notice where my hand is. I quickly move it from her leg to my lap and swivel in my seat to shield me from her. Oh. My. God. I did not just do that. That is kind of... humiliating. "Mrs. Rollins?"

"Pass is on this desk, Ashley." She knows me so well.

--

It took about 15 minutes in the bathroom to gain my composure. And another 5 minutes to slowly make my way back to the classroom. When I walked through the door, I was relieved to see that my desk was moved back into it's original position and the teacher was now lecturing. I quickly walk to my desk and sit down.

Logan tosses a note onto my desk. I unfold it and read her barely legible writing.

**You better tell me what's going on.**

Of course I don't have a pen, so I motion for her to hand me hers. I jot down, **My house. Tonight.,** before folding it back up and throwing it into her lap.

The final bell rings and as I get up to walk with Logan, I feel a poke on my back that makes me shiver slightly. I don't have to turn around to know that it's Spencer, but I do anyway.

"Ash, can I talk to you for a second?" Yes... No... Ugh! Why does she have to have these crazy unreal powers over me?!

"Sure." I look back toward Logan and she nods knowingly before walking out of the classroom.

We glance around the room and shift on our feet awkwardly while we wait for everyone to leave. Just as the last person exits and the door shuts, Spencer speaks. "Will you meet me after practice?"

I'm a little surprised by her question. God, this is so confusing. "Is that a good idea?" I say a little coldly. I can't help it. I don't even know how to describe what I'm feeling at any given second. And these seconds with Spencer are no exception.

"Probably not." She shrugs and tilts her head. "But I want to talk to you. About the other night."

I shake my head. "It's OK, Spence... er." Why is this so hard? "I think we said everything we needed to say, don't you?"

She looks down at the floor for a moment, almost as if in defeat, before she looks up and pierces me with those amazing eyes that are shade of color I had not yet been graced with. "No. I don't." She sighs and pokes me in the stomach. "Just meet me, OK?"

Like I could ever say no to her. "K."

She gives me an unsure smile before nodding and walking past me and out the door.

I'm left alone, feeling more confused than ever, and wondering what the hell I'm going to do for the next hour and half.


	30. Chapter 30 My Mama Said

**Chapter 30: My Mama Said**

4:10 P.M.

I clip my phone back in it's holster that is attached to my belt. Spencer should be out any minute. I thought that waiting for our 'talk' would be agonizing and slow. But oddly enough, it has been kind of therapeutic. I've spent the last hour trying to figure out what more she could want to say. I did entertain the thought that she might change her mind. But I'm a realist. I know that isn't what she wants. She told me as much when she walked out of the gym that night. So this can only have one purpose for her. Closure.

"Ashley"

I jump a little bit, startled by hearing my name from an unexpected male voice. I glance up at the other blonde haired blue eyed Carlin. "Glen."

He takes a seat, resting his arm on the table behind me. "How goes it?"

I shrug. "What are you doing here?"

He nods toward the gym. "Picking up my sister."

"Oh." I guess she doesn't plan to talk to me for long. I turn to face him. "Can I ask you something?"

"I was just born this hot." He playfully smirks.

But I don't have time for his sad attempt at humor. Spencer could walk up any moment. "Great. Um..." I pick at some imaginary lint on my jeans. "What did your mom say? You know... about me and Spencer."

"She was pissed." He lets out a single laugh. "I was playing Guitar Hero. All of the sudden I hear her screaming for Spencer in the kitchen." He removes his arm from behind me and stretches his upper body by placing his hands on his knees and pushing upward. "I thought she was outside or something. Then she starts pacing around the house, waving the phone around, mumbling about lesbians, Ashley, bad influence... You know, all the stuff you would expect from someone who just heard her daughter doin the freaky freak with some chick over the phone."

I instantly regret bringing it up. "She told you?"

He looks at me and smiles. "Nah. Spence told me later that night."

"I was surprised your mom let her come back to school." I grab my purse off the bench next to me and start searching through it. "I mean, she took her out of school before she even knew we were together."

"She didn't feel like she had anything to worry about." I pause and look up at him questioningly. "After Spence came home." He added.

"God, she hates me." I found the chapstick I was looking for. I take the lid off and start to apply it over my dry lips.

He reaches over and places a hand on my knee. "She just wants what's best for my sister. And being a lesbian isn't on her list of acceptable extra curricular activities."

I sigh and place the chapstick back in my purse. "I meant Spencer hates me."

"She doesn't hate you, Ashley." He looks into my eyes so sincerely. "I have to admit, I didn't want her to be gay. I fucking hated you, dude." He pauses for what seems like eternity. "But then that night we all just had to be there for her, you know? Like...being gay didn't matter. Our little Spence was hurt. Heartbroken for the first time." He smiles sadly before nudging me in the shoulder. "I knew it couldn't be bad after that. I figured love between two girls has to be just as strong as the other kind. Because there's no fucking way that someone could cry that much over something that isn't real."

His words are comforting me more than he knows. And at the same time, they're tearing me up like I've never been torn before. It's this very moment that I realize Spencer felt for me what I was feeling for her. And I broke her. God, I wish I could just go back in time and do everything different. "So... I guess Spencer is officially 'out' then." I use air quotes to stress the word out.

Glen laughs again, and I'm failing to see why he finds all of this so funny. "No, my mom is in denial. Like because you're out of the picture now, Spencer is straight again."

"Out of the picture..." I repeat softly. As if that will somehow convince myself that this should be over. She wants us to be over.

"She's scared." He sighs. "And confused. Give her time."

"Why are you being so nice to me?" I ask timidly.

"Am I interrupting something?" My eyes shoot up to a beautiful cheerleader who is grinning at the two of us.

--

"Where do you want to go?" I ask from the drivers seat.

After listening to Glen yell at Spencer about being inconsiderate. That she should have called him to tell him that he didn't need to come pick her up. That he's a busy man and has girls to do... we awkwardly walked to the parking lot and got in my car. So here we are.

"I don't know... wherever." She's fiddling with my iPod. She's turning the wheel back and forth and I can tell that she is not really paying attention to the song list.

"Private or Public?" Because I don't have a clue as to what she wants to talk about. And I really think it's crappy that she isn't navigating us someplace. Why should I be the one to choose? It may seem stupid, but I feel like the place and setting may influence the direction of our impending conversation.

"Privately public." She gives up on the iPod and sets it in the cup holder between us.

"Why not publicly private? I hear Privately public is so overrated these days." I look over to find her glaring at me. I smile nervously. I guess she doesn't feel like joking. "OK... beach?" She nods before turning her head to look out the window. I start the car and head out of the parking lot.

--

We've been sitting on the beach for about 30 minutes. Side by side, only a few inches between us, staring out at the expansive ocean in front of us. We haven't spoken a word. It's not because I don't have anything to say, it's just that this is her deal. She needs to start. She has to be the one to initiate this conversation. It was her idea after all.

I hear her a crumpling sound, so I look sideways to find Spencer has pulled a piece of paper out of her bag and is unfolding it. "OK. I wrote out some questions." She turns around so that she is sitting facing me. "I'm going to ask them and then you answer."

"What? Are we in 2nd grade?" She looks at me in disbelief. As if I just shot down the best idea that ever existed. "Seriously. You could have just given it to me. I would have taken at home and circled those cute little yeses and nos with little hearts and then stuck it in your locker tomorrow." I inwardly cringe at how mean I just was.

"This was a mistake." She starts to push herself up off the ground, shaking her head. "Take me home."

"Spence..." I grab her wrist to stop her. "I'm sorry." I pull her back down and then turn so that I'm facing her, too. "Go ahead. Ask away."

She hesitates for several seconds before she starts to read from the paper. "Why did you go to Ego after I asked you not to?"

I focus intently on my hand that is sifting through the sand in between us. "I was scared." I look up to see if she is expecting more, and her eyes are asking me to continue. "I felt like I was weak. For having feelings for you. I thought I needed to get back to who I was before you came along."

She nods and continues reading. "What was the point of our impromptu baptism if you were just going to ignore me the next day?"

I sigh and lean backwards onto my elbows. "You said that your parents were never going to find out about us. I didn't want to be a girl that you kept hidden. That you would use only when you decided to feel comfortable being gay for the day."

She rolls her eyes and moves onto the next question. "How do you feel about me?"

"I love you." I say without hesitation.

We lock eyes for a moment before she breaks away and looks down at the paper. I notice that it's shaking in her hands so I sit up and place my hands over hers to still the moment. I hear her sniffle and know she crying, even though I can't see her face through the blonde strands of hair that have fallen. Acting as a barrier between us. "Why did you slap me?"

I squeeze her hands before answering. "You said some horrible things, Spence." I try to brush away some of her hair to look at her, but she just shakes her head and pulls away enough for my hand to lose contact. "You said that you wouldn't feel comfortable bringing me home. Because I'm a spoiled rich brat."

"I didn't mean it." She barely whispers.

"It sounded like you did." I let go of her hand. "And it's no excuse, Spencer. I know that. I wish I could take it back, I do."

She interrupts. "But you can't."

"No. I can't. But I want to have the chance to make it up to you. If I could spend the rest of my life making it up to you, I would."

She looks up, shaking the hair out of her face to meet my eyes with hers. "The rest of your life?"

I bite my lip to stop it from quivering. "If I thought that you could be with me without being ashamed, yeah."

"I'm not ashamed of you." She sadly admits before looking down yet again. She looks so broken.

I crawl over to her side and envelop her into my arms. I can't stand seeing her hurt. Knowing that I made her this way. She doesn't object and I can't help but feel so content when her head rests just under my chin, her nose pressing into my neck. "Show me." I whisper.

"I don't know how." I feel warm liquid against my skin.

I pull back and use my hands to brush the hair out of her face. Her face is puffy, eyes red and swollen, and she's never looked more beautiful. The back of my fingers search and destroy the tears that had taken residence on her cheeks. "Don't be afraid to be who you are."

"What if I don't know who I am?" I smile when I feel her fingers lightly stroking a small area on my back. This feels really good. I missed this.

I cup her face. "You know who you are."

She nods while looking deeply into my eyes. I could die right here and be happy that the last image I had was of her glistening blue eyes boring into mine. "I just need time, Ash."

OK. So I just realized that dying doesn't feel so good. "Time for what?"

She senses my tension and scoots away from me. "I don't know." She picks up the paper full of questions and places it into her bag. "I don't know." She repeats before standing up.

I quickly hop up and grab her hand. "Do you love me?" She tilts her head at me like I'm ridiculous for asking. "Well do you?"

"Ashley..." She tries to move from my grip, but I don't let her. "You know the answer to that."

"Tell me." I plead.

"I love you." She says so matter-of-factly. As if it were so easy for her.

I pull her closer to me. "How much time do you need?"

"Two days, 2 hours, and 22 seconds." She deadpans.

"You promise?" Our bodies are now pressed together as we hold each other's hands at our sides.

"No." She grins and I can't help but chuckle at how cute she is.

"You're such a tease." I play, but instantly regret it when I see her frown and duck her head. "I'm just kidding, Spence." I raise my hand to lift her chin up with my finger. "I get it." I lean in and give her an intimately lingering closed mouth kiss. I pull back and smile. "Whenever you're ready. I'm here."

_Smack my bitch up! Smack my bitch up!_

I groan when Spencer pulls away after hearing the ringtone blaring from my phone. I pull it off the holster, open the face, and bring it to my ear. "What?!"

"Where the hell are you? Do you have loss of memory now? To go along with your loss of dignity?"

I roll my eyes. "Logan... What are you bitching about?"

"My house? Tonight? Ring a bell? I'm standing at your door. Guess who's not here?"

"The maid?" I watch as Spencer starts walking away.

"Whatever. Get your ass over here ASAP. Or you're down one best friend." I smile because I realize that no matter what, Logan will always be there for me.

"OK. I'll be there in a few. Don't piss on the floor before I have a chance to take you for a walk."

Logan hangs up on me as I watch Spencer disappear over a hill and out of site.

I hope she'll be ready soon.


	31. Chapter 31 Mamma Mia

Chapter 31: Mamma Mia

"Why did you even come here, then?!"

I come to an abrupt halt as I hear Logan's shriek of a sentence.

"I just thought it would be easier to talk in person."

I stealthily inch closer to the wall and angle my head so that I can hear around the corner better.

"Whatever. Just go back to your city and your life and your _straight_ness. It doesn't matter." She may be able to fool Maddy, but I know that voice. Strong.. yet masking sadness. Awww, Logan.

"Don't do this. You know I care about you. I don't want you out of my life." I can't help but roll my eyes. How many times does Logan have to hear the 'let's just be friends' speech?

"You know what, Maddy? I don't want to be in it." Ooooooo. That even made ME cringe.

There is a really long pause and I am just now feeling a bit awkward at spying on them. Just as I'm about to clear my throat and pretend to be walking in, Maddy turns the corner and almost runs into me.

"Ash... hey." I watch as she turns to look at Logan then back at me. "How long have you been here?"

Play it off, Davies. "I was just coming in..." I throw my thumb in the direction of the elevator. As if it should be so obvious.

Maddy nods but I can see that she doesn't believe me. "OK... well I'm just... gonna go."

She starts to walk past me but I grab her arm and tug her too me. I lean in and whisper into her cheek. "I didn't invite you into my life to ruin my best friend." I let go of her and step back with knitted eyebrows to gage her reaction.

She ducks her head and looks away with sad eyes. "I just..."

"Save it." I interrupt. "I get it, I do." I cross my arms and lean against the wall with my shoulder as I look Maddy up and down. "I know someone just like you."

She looks up and knowingly locks eyes with me.

I don't have time for her. I need to repair my best friend. I push off the wall and make my way around the corner to a sulking Logan, sitting with her back against my door and head buried in her arms. Undoubtedly trying to be strong but having a hard time of it. I crouch down in front of her and gently pry each arm away from her knees.

"Why do you have to let the strays follow you home?" Her soft chuckle betrays her. And I smile because that was the reaction I was looking for. I brush her hair out of her face so that I can have access to raise her chin. I can't help the frown that forms as I see she wasn't strong enough. Liquid evidence coating her cheeks.

"You better not be pregnant." I grab her hands and pull her to a standing position. "I don't have the patience to care for a litter." She smiles a little as she uses the back of her hand to wipe away some tears.

"Well..." I nudge her. "...how about that walk? If you promise to be good... I'll leave the leash behind."

--

I'm dragging. Last night was hellish. Logan wanted me to take her to Ego. What kind of friend would I be if I didn't let her get shit faced drunk? OK, probably a good friend. But I needed a drink, too. It was an emotional day.

"Hey." I turn around with a grin on my face. Glad that yesterday wasn't a dream and that Spence and I are on talking terms again.

"Hey."

"You look like shit." And because she says it with that super sweet smile of hers, I'll let her live.

I adjust the strap of my messenger bag on my shoulder. It's feeling heavier than normal. "It's not like I have anyone to impress."

She inches closer. "Is that so?"

I nod and glance around the hallway nervously. Why am I nervous? Don't ask me.

"Good." She whispers into my ear as her breath transmits a new set of tingles through my body.

I playfully push her away. "Don't tease."

"I'm not." She defends herself unconvincingly. "But I am glad that you are taking this waiting thing so seriously."

I look at her with confusion. "What do you mean?"

"Well... you obviously don't want any attention." She says as she looks me over before jokingly saying, "So I don't have to worry about some hot new girl trying to steal you away." She starts to walk off but I step in front of her. Not sure what I want to say just yet. So I just look at her and then down to my feet. "Ash, I have to go to-"

"Wait." I try to collect myself. Just enough to express something that I'm feeling. This is hard. I'm really trying to do this communication thing right. "I don't like it when you do that." I clear my throat and it oddly gives me confidence to look up into blue orbs. "I said I would be here. And I wasn't lying. But I can't BE here, be here... you know?" OK, that sucked.

She frowns and leans on one foot, waiting for me to continue.

I take a hold of her hand and pull her to the side of a row of lockers for more privacy. "Do over." I smile timidly. Internally cursing myself for being so vulnerable, I start over. "Nobody can steal me away if I'm not yours."

"Ash... I didn't mean anyth-"

"Let me finish." I plead. "I want to be yours. That's not a secret to either of us." I take a deep breath. "But I can't be unless you let me. And your not read-"

"No." This time she interrupts. "_You're_ not ready."

I watch her walk away as she leaves me to think about that one for awhile.

--

"OK. How am I not ready?" I say abruptly as I take my seat next to her in English.

She glances around the room before rolling her eyes. "We're so not talking about this here."

"After school?" I ask hopefully.

"Practice."

"After practice?" Puppy dog eyes should work, right?

She raises her knuckle to her chin as she pretends to ponder the invitation. "OK." She nods before looking at me. "After practice. You teach me how to drive. Then we talk."

I let out a genuinely loud laugh. "No fucking way."

"I guess you don't want to talk, then." I watch her take her book out of her bag and lay it on the desk.

The teacher walks into the classroom, so I lean over to whisper. "We won't be able to talk if we're dead."

She grins at me and whispers back. "It could be worth the risk." Damn her and her flirty-wiggly eyebrows. Ugh. Resist the magic powers. You can do it.

"Go to driver's ed like everyone else." I proudly sit back in my chair.

That's right. I win.

--

"Will you go to homecoming with me?"

I shrug. "Sure."

"Really?"

"Yeah, why not?" I look at myself in the mirror of my compact. Spence was right. I _do _look like shit.

"You hate school functions."

"So?" I put the makeup away after realizing no amount of powder is going to make me presentable.

"You're not gonna go just out of pity for me, right?"

"Yeah I am." I turn and flash Logan a smile. "But I still love you." I lean and give her a playful nudge.

She looks toward the parking lot and then gives me a quick kiss on the cheek before hopping out. "Catch you later, lover!"

I step out of my car and smile at a gorgeous blonde that is approaching. Realizing she caught the exchange between me and Logan, I nod in my best friend's direction. "My date for homecoming."

She grabs the keys out of my extended hand and smirks. "Should I warn her that you'll be too dead to make it?"

I shake my head as I walk around to get in the passengers seat.

What? It's magic powers, man. What did you expect?

--

_Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick._

I annoyingly stare up at the clock as I adjust in my seat.

"I'm sorry." After 30 minutes of sitting here, she finally speaks.

I turn to answer her but am interrupted by a man in uniform. "Carlin? Time to go."

Spencer stands up. "What about her?" She asks as she motions toward me.

"Her mother is on her way." The man places his hand on her back and guides her out the door. Before she exits, she turns back and sends me a sympathetic look.

--

_Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick._

Fucking clock. Fucking mom.

I pace back and forth. 'On her way' from where? Indonesia?!

"Davies!" I jump and spin in the direction of the officer's voice. "You're out. Come on."

"It's about time." I mumble and follow him through the door.

He leads me to a plastic window where I collect my personal things. I'm thinking of all the different ways to verbally abuse my mother for taking her sweet ass time when I am shocked stiff at who greets me in the lobby.

"Ashley."

"Mr. Carlin"

"It's Arthur." He walks up to me and places a comforting hand on my shoulder. I feel bad for flinching, but my body is so on edge from the events of this evening that I can't control it. "Spencer was worried. She asked me to come check on you."

"Where's my mom?" I look up into his caring eyes.

"Not here." He puts his arm around me and starts to walk us out of the building.

"Your daughter is horrible driver."

He laughs. "C'mon. I'll take you home."

--

"Ashley Marie Davies!"

I'm startled awake at Christine's intrusion. "Sleeping!" I yell out into the darkness of my apartment.

I throw the pillow over my head as she storms in turning on lights in my bedroom. "Get up."

Peaking at the alarm clock I grumble, "It's 3:30 in the morning..."

She rips the covers off the bed and tosses them to the floor. "Too bad. Get up."

I sit up and slap the pillow down on my lap before rubbing my eyes. "What are you doing?"

"Taking you home." I watch as she opens drawers and starts grabbing my clothes.

Jumping out of bed, I try to stop her from her maniacal rampage of my dresser. "What?! Why?!"

"You obviously aren't responsible enough to be on your own." She walks to the closet and pulls out my luggage. "Letting that trash drive your car?! With no license?! Really, Ashley."

"Spencer isn't trash." I retort, although feeling helpless knowing there is nothing I can do to stop this from happening. "She's my girlfriend."

"And skipping school?!" She ignores me, of course. "I raised you better than that."

I resignedly slip into a pair of pants that Christine threw onto the bed. "Keep telling yourself that."

"What did you say to me?! I am in no mood for your attitude." She zips up the suitcases and walks out of the room dragging them behind her. "You'll be lucky if Mr. Duarte doesn't sue you for everything you have."

I quickly throw on a shirt and follow her to the front door. "Mom, I've got it under control. There is no way that Madison will let her dad sue us."

"You." she corrects.

I roll my eyes and open the door and have to do a double-take at the person standing there.

"Oh look, honey... your chauffeur is here. Oh wait, I forgot. Trash can't drive." She drops the bags and walks down the hall. "Five minutes, Ashley!"

Spencer and I stand in silence as we watch Christine until she rounds the corner down the hall.

"I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry."

We both speak at the same time before giggling.

"What are you doing here?" I'm surprised when she pulls me into a needy embrace.

"I snuck out." She tightens her hold. "I owe you a talk."

I soothingly rub her back. "At 4 a.m.?"

"Mmm hmmm." I think I feel her breathe in my hair before pulling away. "My parents were up all night arguing. Or I would have been here sooner."

I frown. "I have to go, though... she's making me go home with her."

We meet each other's gaze and we have eye conversation for what feels like eternity. I know that hers are telling me that she wants to kiss me. I'm sure mine are saying the same thing. But we don't kiss. Instead, I turn my attention to the suitcases, trying to calm the tingles she always seems to awaken.

"Here let me help you." She bends down and accidentally bumps her forehead into my ear.

"Ow!" I quickly pull up and cover my ear.

Spencer is quick to replace my hand with hers as her thumb gently caresses my lobe. "I'm sorry." She whispers.

Her other hand tucks a strand of hair behind my ear. I watch conflictingly as her face slowly inches toward mine and at the last second I turn my head. "Spence..."

"Shhh.." She pivots my face to hers again and she leans in a second attempt. This time more quickly, but I step back shaking my head. "I'm not ready, remember?"

She nods. Clearly frustrated.

I grab one of the suitcases and she grabs the other. We walk to the elevator in silence.

Stepping inside, I push the the button marked 'L'.

"You know... If you didn't want me to go to homecoming with Logan, you could've just said so. Instead of wrecking my Porche trying to kill me."

I quickly glance at her adorably flushed and smiling face before watching the elevator doors close.

I wish she knew how ready I really am.


	32. Chapter 32 Should I Laugh Or Cry

**Chapter 32: Should I Laugh Or Cry**

"It's like a fucking mall in here!" Amused, I look up from my magazine to watch the display of clothing being tossed out of my closet. "We're going to look smokin' hot!"

I roll my eyes because it isn't like she hasn't been in my closet a trillion times before now. "You're cleaning that up, you know!"

The hail storm of clothing ceases and Logan peeks her head out from behind the door. I have to suppress my laughter at her tussled hair. She's really getting into this. "Bitch, you have help." She says matter-of-factly.

"My homecoming date. Such the romantic." I resume flipping through the pictures in the magazine.

After admiring a few elegant vehicles, I feel the bed dip beside me. "C'mon..." Logan whines. "Aren't you excited at all?"

"No."

She grabs the magazine from my hands in one super quick motion and tosses it to the floor behind her. "Not even little?"

"Nope."

I watch as she crawls her fingers up my collarbone, rests her arm on my shoulder, and begins to lightly scratch the back of my neck. "What if I told you that it's a sure thing you'd get laid?"

A smile almost breaks free as I move her arm back into her lap. "What do you mean? I thought you _were _a sure thing. Why else did I say 'yes'?

Of course she slaps me and I pretend like it hurts. It honestly feels good that things are getting back to normal between us. "Seriously, Ash. I want you to have a good time. I hate that you're going just to make me happy."

I hop off the bed and start searching for the essentials to put in my purse before we leave. "We're going to be late."

And as I could have guessed, because I know her so well, Logan is up and beside me, stilling my hands over my purse. "We're already late..." she whispers. "It's twelve." She grabs each of my arms and firmly turns me to face her. "Thank you."

I shrug.

"No, really. Thank you." She repeats as she tilts my chin up with the side of her index finger. "The old Ash never would've been caught dead at a school dance."

I pull out of her arms, grab my cellphone off the desk and put it in my purse. "It's not a big deal." I mumble as I walk toward my door. But my naggy best friend isn't taking the hint, because she has just grabbed my arm and spun me around again.

"Why didn't you just ask her?" Her eyes are so sympathetic that it makes me want to gag.

"Ask who what?", I bark.

Logan lets it roll past her. "Spencer." She tucks a stray strand of hair behind my ear. "To homecoming."

Wow. I gave her too much credit. Is she really this stupid? "Um. Hello?" I count the reasons on my fingers. "She has homophobic parents that thinks she straight again." Finger one. "She's nominated for homecoming queen." Finger two. "She's going with Aiden." Fingers three, four, and five. Fifth finger gets flung right in her face for emphasis.

She swats my hand down. "Maybe she would've said 'yes'."

I step back. "Damn... you're touchy-feely today, Log!"

"And you're a cranky bitch today, _Ash_!"

I give her a nasty glare before flipping around and walking out my door. But before I hit reach the stairs I yell back over my shoulder, "I'm still getting laid though, right?"

Logan shuts my bedroom door as she exits. "Of course!"

God, I love her.

--

"You should have Spencer wreck your car everyday. You're mom's car is awes-" I tune Logan out as we walk into the quad and notice Spencer sitting by herself at a table. I nod in order to placate my best friend, but all I can see is Spencer's right hand cupped at her forehead. I feel the corner of my mouth raise in a half smile as I think about how I know her mannerisms so well.

"... and the back seat is effing huge, Ash. You could have a new random-" Aw, she looks soooo pensive. I feel sorry for that table enduring her intense stare. I subconsciously make my way toward the forlorn cheerleader as Logan rambles on. Ignorant to the fact that I'm no longer at her side.

Placing my purse on the table, I gently sit down next to this no-longer-innocent tingler that holds my heart. "Hey." I say in that soft girlfriendy voice that also belongs to Spencer. She doesn't flinch at my presence or spoken word. "Spence?" I try again as I rub the rough material of the cheer top that covers her back. "What's wrong?"

"You went to Ego!" She snaps. Woah. Where did that come from?

"Oooookaay?" I lift my hand off of her as a result of the dirty look she is giving me. "Like... a few nights ago."

"That makes it better!" She scoffs sarcastically and turns her back to me.

OK. Let me collect my thoughts here. Beach. Kisses. Love. Logan. Maddy. EGO. School. Car. Wreck. Jail. Attempted Kissing. "Spencer? Are you on drugs?"

"No!" She screams in frustration.

"Then why does it seem like you're pissed off at me for going to Ego when you weren't mad at me before?"

"I WAS mad at you before." I have to put aside the fact that when she talks all pouty like a baby, it makes me want to pounce her.

I gasp, feigning shock. "You wrecked my car on purpose!" I nudge her back playfully, attempting to lighten the mood. But before I can realize what is happening, she has launched off the bench, grabbed my purse, grabbed my arm, and is yanking me off to... somewhere. "Spence?" She ignores me. "Spencer?"

She has dragged me all the way behind the school before she lets me go. "I asked you not go to Ego."

She crosses her arms as I rub mine. Damn, she's stronger than I thought. "I didn't-"

"You DID!" she interrupts.

"I wasn't going to deny it! Jesus. What is wrong with you?" OK, so I did go to Ego. And she did ask me not to. But I just thought that it was OK if I went for Logan. I mean... I wasn't going there to hook up with anyone or anything.

"Why would you do that?" Her eyes are glistening in the sunlight. I have the biggest urge to just hug her right now, but I know that wouldn't go over well.

"Why are you suddenly mad about it?"

"NOT suddenly." She sniffs and brings a fist up to rub her eyes.

I take a step toward her. "Look.." She takes a step back, so I stop. "I'm sorry, OK?"

"That's why you're not ready." She says in such an accusatory tone that leaves me speechless. "I asked you for ONE thing... and you can't even follow through with that."

I'm so confused. "So what was last night about? You were all over me, Spence!" She looks down guiltily without responding. "What was that about?!" I can't help it when my voice cracks and my eyes begin to sting. I take a deep breath to calm myself. "You were SO mad at me that you wanted to stick your tongue down my throat."

I look up at her and she won't meet my eyes.

"Yeah... You were really mad _then_." I shake my head in disbeleif as I walk off.

"Ashley..." I stop. Because she said my name so softly. In that broken girlfriendy voice that belongs only to me. "Everything is so messed up." I slowly turn around, silently letting her know that I'm sticking around for whatever she needs to say. "I'm in love with you." My vision of her is blurred now as I chew on my bottom lip to keep it from quivering. "I am SO in love with you." I don't need clear eyesight to feel her walk over, wrap her arms around me, and bury her head in my neck. She's crying so hard into me that her body is convulsing.

I lift one hand to the back of her head and place the other on her back, bringing her impossibly close. "Shhhh." I nuzzle my nose through her hair. "It's going to be OK. Shhhh."

"We look stupid." She mumbles into my shoulder before pulling back to look in my eyes.

I gently wipe away the tear streaks on her face with the pads of my thumb. "Hey..." I say lovingly. "Speak for yourself." I try to smirk, but I know it's coming off more goofy than anything. I'm pathetic.

She gives me the cutest bashful smile I've ever seen, then links her hand with mine and walks me to the building to sit us down facing each other. "I don't want you to wait for me."

I frown and look down at my lap. She is never going to be strong enough for us.

"I like your singing."

I shrug. "I like your cheering."

"I like the way you look at me."

My eyes dart up to meet hers. "I like the way you try _not_ to look at me."

"I like that you love me."

Confused, I search her eyes for what she means by that. But I have to admit, "I like that I love you."

"I liked your car."

"Me too."

We both chuckle, breaking eye contact, and ultimately dismantling the moment. Or whatever it was.

She pulls a sandwich out of her bag, splits it in two, and extends her hand to offer me half. "Why didn't you yell at me for destroying it?"

I take a bite. PB&J. Mmmm. "I wike woo wetter." I say with a full mouth. Logan has finally rubbed off on me.

Spencer giggles and tilts her head before her demeanor becomes serious again. "Tell me what to do, Ash."

I turn away and look out toward the track. 'What do _you_ want to do?"

"You."

I nod. Because it isn't like you think. She didn't mean that in a flirty or sexual way. That one word summed it all up. She wants to do me. It all. Everything. She wants to experience ME. And it's what I've been waiting to hear since I met her. "I'm right here." I take another bite of the sandwich. It was a challenge. She knows that. I chew slowly, hoping that she will say the one thing that will put us back together again.

After a few moments, I glance over at her. She's so adorable. Sitting Indian style in her green and yellow cheerleading outfit. Face buried in her hands. I smile sadly before laying the rest of my sandwich next to hers on top of her bag. I slowly stand up and pat the tiny pieces of gravel off of my jeans and walk away.

--

"Logan Myers and Ashley Davies." Logan says too proudly.

"Arthur." I nod in greeting. "Mrs. Carlin."

"Ashley, hi!" I try to keep my focus on Spencer's dad, but I can't help my eyes from wandering to his wife's death glare in my direction.

"So you two are going to the dance." Awkward pause. "As a couple." Paula says, more like she is processing the information rather than questioning it.

Logan looks at me questioningly. "Yes?" Then turning and witnessing Paula's displeased look she blurts, "I mean, no." She looks at me half apologetically and half imploring to save her. "Um..."

I bail her out. "Arthur." Tugging Logan's arm so that she steps behind me, I ask what I've been silently wondering since we walked up. "Why are you guys here? Volunteering?"

"We're going to be parent chaperones at the dance." Paula answers bitterly. Who asked _you?_ Ugh.

"Paula thought that since we were going to be there to see if Spencer gets homecoming queen anyway, we should probably offer our services for the night." Right. More like your wife wanted to keep an eye on her.

"Tickets." I grab the tickets out of Paula's hand.

"It was nice seeing you Mr. and Mrs. Carlin." I grab Logan's arm and drag her away quickly.

"Ashley!" WHAT?! "Ashley, wait!" Logan nods toward the quad, letting me know that she's taking off without me. The traitor. "I'm sorry about that back there." Mr. Carlin says somewhat breathlessly. Apparently from the brisk jogging to catch up to us.

"Sorry about what?" I'm not stupid. Playing ignorant is definitely the best option in this situation. I think it's against the law to say anything derogatory about your girlfriend's, er, your... whatever. You know what I mean.

"She's just having a hard time with it." He gives me a comforting smile. Although I'm confused as to what he's trying to comfort me about.

"OK..." Because I just really have no idea what to say to that.

"Spencer told me your mother actually showed up last night." She did? When did she have time to tell him that? "And that she made you move back to her house." Wow. He is a wealth of knowledge.

"Yeah, well I guess we both have overbearing, meddling mothers." With wide eyes, I cover my mouth in one second flat. Great. Word vomit.

"She just wants her little girl to grow up and get married. Have 2.5 children. Maybe a dog." This conversation is making me really nervous. And why didn't I ever realize that he is this tall?

I lower my hand to speak. Only because I'm curious. "What do you want for her?"

"To be happy."


	33. Chapter 33 I've Been Waiting For You

**Chapter 33: I've Been Waiting For You**

"Are you nervous?"

I reach down to the passenger floorboard to retrieve my purse and put it in my lap. Closing my eyes, I lean back into the seat and take a deep breath. "No."

"Liar."

I open one eye and use it to glare at Logan before closing it again. "I'm not."

She leans down and grabs her own purse and opens the door. "Fine. Then let's go."

"Wait!" I quickly reach out and grab her arm, pulling her back down to the seat a little more aggressively than I had intended.

She eyes me over once before shutting the door. "Just forget about her tonight, OK?"

A sarcastic chuckle escapes my chest. "She is nominated for homecoming queen." I pull the keys out of the ignition, unzip my purse, and place them inside. "That would be a little difficult."

I feel Logan's hand on top of mine, and have to admit that I welcome the comfort. "Well..." She squeezes gently; assuredly. "She's lame."

OK, so that was completely unexpected. I drop my head forward, in attempt to bury my face into my chest to conceal the laughter that has managed to betray my feelings.

What feels like an eternity later, I realize that I'm no longer laughing. My eyes are trained on the bottom of the steering wheel, although I don't see it. "She isn't lame." I whisper seriously. Trying to convince myself as well as Logan.

"I know." Logan matches my tone. She reaches over and lightly pulls my chin so that I have to look at her. Her beautiful eyes bore into mine sincerely. "This night is no different than any other night, Ash." I watch as her mouth turns up into a sympathetic smile. "She's still Spencer." Her hand drops to my shoulder. "She's still scared." She leans across my lap and uses her other hand to pull the handle of my door until it comes ajar. She looks up to me with a coy grin. "And you're here with me." Her hands playfully attempt to push me out of the car. "So get your ass in there and show me a good time!"

"Okay, OK!" I raise my hands in resignation. "I'm going." I step out of the car, shut the door, and feel around my purse until I find the button I'm looking for.

_BeeeDEEP._

I walk around to the front of the car where Logan is waiting. It gives me the opportunity to really admire her. My best friend is looking extra gorgeous tonight and there is no reason why I shouldn't make the most of this. For her. I mean... that was the whole point of me agreeing to go, after all. And there is no reason for me to be sulking when I have such a smoking hot date. I smirk and extend my elbow outward to her. She slips her arm through the offered space, linking us together as we start a synchronized walk to the gym.

--

I have to admit that I'm really enjoying myself. Logan and I have been dancing non stop. This is exactly what we needed. And although I would never tell her, I am glad that she asked me to this stupid dance.

"I have to pee!" She leans in and yells over the music.

I nod and shoo her away "OK, go!" I throw my thumb over my shoulder. "I'll grab some drinks!"

She smiles and continues to dance her way off the dance floor, waving her hands above her head to the beat of the music. I shake my head, smiling, and make my way to the refreshments.

I cautiously approach the table as I see a certain Latina scooping punch into a cup. "Wilbur." I say from just behind her.

She jumps a little before her head turns back at me. She mumbles "Ellen." as an acknowledgement.

I roll my eyes and squeeze in beside her to grab a couple of paper cups. "Thanks for not suing me."

She shrugs. "Thanks for not telling anybody that we-"

"It's okay!" I interrupt by throwing my palm in her face. I don't need her to verbalize what happened between us. It was one night, and we were both trashed beyond recognition. I had honestly pushed it back into the furthest corner of my mind hoping to never have to uncover it again. But it came in handy with the possibility of her father suing me for Spencer's unlicensed run in with her car. Madison and I had a conversation. It was brief. And now we have an understanding.

I've always known that her homophobic antics were a result of her deep seeded feelings for me. I'm not being conceited, either. She once told me that she was jealous of my relationship with Logan. Then when she found us together that one fateful night... well, the rest is history.

"Don't tell anybody that you what?" My shoulders tense as I freeze on the spot. My face scrunched up with the realization of who just walked up behind me. Madison looks over my shoulder before she looks at me knowingly. With a nod and a sympathetic smile, she walks away. What is with everyone and their sympathetic smiles tonight? Oh... it's because I need them.

Avoiding the question... and _her_, I turn to the table, grabbing the big ass spoon thing, shoveling punch into the cups quickly.

"You're ignoring me?" She says with a hint of amusement.

It's hard to ignore you when you're breathing down my neck. When your angelic voice is squeezing my heart to the point of bursting. As I can smell the scent of the perfume that keeps me awake at night wishing things were different. But I have to ignore you. I have to. Because if I turn around and see, what I'm sure will be, the most beautiful girl known to humanity, I will lose all my resolve. This night won't be about Logan. It will be about me. And my inability to secure a place in your heart. I'll try and convince you for the millionth time, and you will reject it. Us. For the millionth time.

I ever-so-slightly nod as I turn in the opposite direction, and head back to the dance floor to find my date.

--

"C'mon. Lets throws these away and get some air!" Logan grabs my hand, waving her paper cup in my face, and leading me to the entrance."

Just as we are about to exit, I feel a tug on my arm. "Ashley?"

I pull Logan to a stop and turn around. "Oh." I look down nervously. "Hey, Mr. C."

"Hey Ash? I'm just gonna meet you out there?" My best friend asks in that way where she wants to make sure that I'm alright. I nod my head, never turning to her. I don't have to look to know she has accepted my silent response.

"Have you seen Spencer?" I look up and am assaulted with his kind eyes and arched eyebrow.

"Um... yeah." I say distractedly, palm upturned and finger pointing in the direction of the refreshments table. "When I was getting drinks..." I drop my hand and clutch my purse and let my sentence drift off into nothingness ...because I really don't have anything else to say about that.

"Oh good." He places is hand on my head and gently nudges it. "She was looking for you."

"Hair!" I blurt before I grasped the realization of what he just said. "She was?" Wow. That small and fragile voice is not something that I recognize. It must be the voice reserved for father's of daughters you've slept with. Or are in love with. How would I know? It's new!

His eyes glisten happily as he flashes a smile. "Yeah. She was."

_Bzzzzz Bzzzzzz._

I'm startled by the feel of my purse vibrating. I look at Mr. C apologetically before fishing out my phone. I flip it open and read the text message that just arrived.

**Maddy is here. Help!**

With wide eyes, I shove my cell back into the purse. "Sorry. I have to go." I throw my head back toward the entrance. "Best friend duties." I start to turn around when I'm interrupted by his voice.

"You're a good person, Ashley" I glance back at him briefly. "She's lucky to have you."

I give him a thankful smile. His eyes tell me that he wasn't talking about Logan.

--

"Just leave." I hear Logan say in defeat as I approach.

"You wanted me to come. So I'm here!" Maddy says with a little bit of pleading frustration.

"You trying to steal my date?" I say to announce my presence. I don't want to be caught in another eavesdropping situation.

They both fall silent, although there is a conversation going on between with their eyes. I just look back and forth between them as if I can follow the wordless discussion they are having. But I really have no clue. So I grab Maddy's arm and drag her away from Logan. "Come on."

She rips her arm away, which surprises the hell out of me. "I'm not leaving."

I reach for her arm again. "Yes." Tug. "You are." And I glare at her with a look that says 'don't fucking mess with me!'

Again, she pulls away disobediently. "No." She looks back to Logan and speaks the next sentence authoritatively. "I'm not finished."

"Ash, just let her say whatever she wants to say." I look at my best friend in shock.

"No!" I whine. "I'm not going to let her ruin our night." Maddy had walked over to invade Logan's space again, so I decide that standing in between them, would be the best solution. "Why are you even here, Maddy? Go be straight somewhere else."

"Nice, Ash." God she is annoying me.

"I'm fucking serious!" My voice raises in frustration. "Do you know how hard it is to be in love with someone that can't get their shit together?!" The knowing in her eyes doesn't register as I poke at her shoulder emphasising each of my next words. "You. Don't. Care about. How. She. Feels!" She doesn't say anything, so I take it as my queue to continue. "You're just so consumed with your own god damned feelings!" I mock the next part of my tantrum. "Oh... poor me. I like having sex with girls, but I don't really know if I like them." Taking a breathe I continue. "I love you. I want to kiss you. You can't be with anyone else, but I can't be with you!" When did I start crying? "You're not ready!" I say in disgust AND using air quotes. I'm awesome.

Logan clears her throat, stopping my diatribe, which I appreciate more than she knows. But it doesn't prevent me from the word vomit that comes next as I rub the tears from my eyes. "She's better off without you."

Maddy smiles at me sadly before looking up over my shoulder as if motioning toward something. I follow her gaze slowly until my eyes meet a set of familiar blue ones watching the scene unfold before her. She's shaking slightly and her mascara streaked cheeks tell me that she just heard every word I said. I guiltily drop my head. The intensity of Spencer's desperate stare being too much to handle. I hear the clatter of heels before the gym door slams open and ever-so-painfully-slowly... clicks shut.

"Ash, go after her." I barely make out Logan's words as a barrage of memories with Spencer race through my head. Every single scene on fast forward. Every single word echoing in my brain. All of them telling me she loves me. Why did it take that broken look just now to make me realize?

I start walking to the gym. Everything in my body is screaming at me to go get in my car and drive away. Far from here. But my legs seem to have a mind of their own as they carry me closer to the entrance.

"I do care!" Maddy shouts at me. "And so does she."

I know she's right. But I don't stop to respond... my body is leading me through the gym door against my better judgement. Towards fixing something that I wasn't convinced that I had possessed all along until now.

Her heart.

--

Stupid crowds. Stupid fucking people and their stupid fucking lame dance moves.

"Hey Ash!"

I turn to see Aiden approaching. "Where's Spencer?"

"I just saw her go into the bathro--"

I'm off before he has time to finish his sentence.

--

I sigh with aggravation. Of COURSE there is a line. The memory of Cancun is flooding my mind and not helping one bit. But this time, my body is on auto-drive and I am the passenger. So it pushes past people without fear of consequence. I pause at each stall listening for what I'm sure will be a muffled cry. And then I hear it. The sound of someone blowing their nose followed by a sniffle.

I look around innocently before the stall next door opens. I quickly cut off a pudgy girl and storm in, latching it shut. I ignore her banging and protests as I quickly unstrap and step out of my heels.

Stepping up onto the toilet I peek over the wall confirming that it is, in fact, Spencer.

"You're in a bathroom stall." I whisper timidly.

"You're smart." She doesn't look up.

"You're not in one with me." I playfully smirk. Trying to gain back confidence and lighten the mood.

She stands up, crumples up some toilet paper, throws it into the toilet, and pushes the handle to flush. "You're not so smart."

And with that, she unlocks the door and walks out.

--

"Spencer!" I call out for her as I run out of the bathroom barefoot. Like I said... auto-drive. If I had any control, I definitely wouldn't have left my couple-hundred-dollar pair of heels in there.

I wiggle through bodies to catch up to her. Thankfully, she gets stuck by a group of kids dancing together, unaware of the cheerleaders mission to escape. And what happens next, I thought only happens in movies. The fast beat of music stops, only to be replaced by the opening notes of Foreigner's 'I want to know what love is.' I would laugh at this, but I'm too concerned with the future of myself and a certain blonde who looks as if she has all but given up at this point.

A few moments pass and am wondering why my body has suddenly decided to put itself in neutral. I look down at my feet and internally implore them to do anything but just stand here. But they fail me. Figures.

"Dance." I don't have time to register her demand before she has one arm around my waist and the other clasping my hand and raising them in the air beside us. Now if I could only get my feet to pay attention to my brain. "That hurt." But I guess we don't need to really dance. Talking is fine too.

I look into her eyes and they tell me that she is being truthful. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to-"

"She's better off without her?" She interrupts.

"No." I whisper.

She lowers my hand to my side before releasing it and placing hers on my hip. "But you said-"

"I didn't mean it." I stop her.

"Don't you think that she just needed to time to figure things out? That her intentions weren't to hurt Logan at all?"

Her masked dialogue doesn't fool me. "I don't know." She looks down in defeat and I bring my hands up to clasp around her neck. I duck my head, forcing her to look in my eyes. "But I hope not. I don't think Logan's heart could take much more of it."

She smiles sadly before hugging me impossibly close to her. I feel her breath against my ear. "She loves her, you know?"

I ponder that for a second. Does Maddy really love Logan? Then I remember that Spencer isn't talking about them. "Yeah, I know."

_Alright everyone! Stop all that frisky business and gather around for the announcement of your 2008 King High Homecoming Queen and King!_

I didn't even realize that the music had stopped. Then again, we weren't ever dancing to begin with. I'm sure we looked out of place hugging motionless in the middle of the dance floor. Just as I'm sure we look even more out of place now, frozen in our same positions, while people have to maneuver around us to gather toward the stage.

We've resorted to our trusty eye language now. Her eyes telling me that she wants to be ready and strong for us. Mine are asking her to be. And they are repeating the same thing over and over again as we search each other's eyes for something else. But there isn't anything else. That's it. It's the catalyst for everything that has ever gone wrong between us. The one thing that has kept us from being happy together. It's what will make us or break us. My heart is beating faster than I ever remember. And let me tell you... it has beat pretty fast on various amounts of drugs I've indulged in. I just feel like it's now or never. That this moment will define us.

_And your 2008 King High Homecoming King is..._

I use the pad of my thumb to wipe away her running makeup from earlier, never breaking our eye conversation.

_Aiden Dennison!_

She reaches up to brush some stray strands of hair out of my eyes. My breath hitches as she cups my face with her hands and looks at me adoringly. And true to my body's betrayal the entire night, my eyes do the same and wander down to her lips. I nervously lick my own as I close my eyes and feel her breath getting closer. Is she going to do this? Here? Is she finally going to find the strength to be who she is? For us? In front of everyone?

"Aiden won, honey! Aren't you excited?! They're about to announce-"

"Mom!" Spencer disentangles herself from me as if I were the plague. She's even is patting herself off? Classic. I wouldn't want my big ol' lesbian germs to contaminate her.

"Spencer?" Mrs. Carlin looks at me quizzically. "What's going on?"

I don't answer. In fact, I just look to the stage and watch Aiden ramble on about how being prom King is the biggest accomplishment of his life.

"We were just... I was just... " I can't help but look at Spencer. Looking at me. Trying to come up with some excuse. I'm asking her the same question as before with my eyes. Asking her if she's going to be strong for us. But deep down... I know the answer.

_Thank you, Aiden. Alright, now what you've all been waiting for. Your 2008 King High Homecoming Queen!_

"Were you about to kiss her?!" Her mother spats out. She is a genius. I watch Spencer expectantly for her answer.

_Spencer Carlin!_

The crowd cheers and I feel like the spotlight is on us. I look up and squint. Oh, it is. My eyes land back on Spencer. Hers are pleading with me for something. But I don't have anything left to give. I can't help her with this. She's ripping every single tingle out of my body with every single second that passes.

_Spencer Carlin?_

The second announcement of her name breaks her from her trance as she looks back over her shoulder at the stage before looking at me once more.

"You're not ready to be with me." I mouth. "Congratulations."

I tell her with my eyes to go accept that damn crown.

And as I head toward the exit, hearing the crowd get louder, I know that she is walking to the stage, and walking away from us.

--

I step outside and am assaulted with the site of Maddy and Logan swallowing each other whole.

"Gross." I mutter as I walk up to them.

They break away panting and flushed. But for some reason, I don't think it's because they are embarrassed.

"How did it go?" Logan asks me with concern.

"The same as always." I pretend to be unaffected. As if that wasn't THE defining moment that just happened back there.

But my best friend can read me like a book, so she knowingly wraps her arms around me in a comforting embrace that lasts several seconds. "Ash?"

"Hmm?"

"Is that a phone in your purse? Or are you just happy to see me?"

"Huh?"

She chuckles. "You're vibrating."

I quickly pull my out my cell and look at the front.

_1 Message from Tingler._

I flip it open.

**Come back inside. Please.**

I look at Logan. Confusion written all over my face. "It's from Spencer"

"And?" She drags the word out.

"She wants me to go back in there."

She nudges me toward the door. "So what are you waiting for?"

--

I push through the entrance and glance around, expecting to find Spencer somewhere close. It isn't until a spotlight is shining on me that I realize I was seriously mistaken. I walk tentatively further into the gym and just then realize that it is eerily quiet. I hear the sound of random whispering as one head after another turns to look in my direction.

"Ashley." Spencer's voice echo's from the loud speakers. I look up to the stage to find Spencer standing nervously in front of a microphone holding up the phone that I bought her. "I guess I had a use for it after all."

_Tingle._

"I was just telling everyone in here, that I couldn't accept this. I can't be homecoming queen." There are hundreds of people in this room. But right now it feels like just the two of us.

"They were all so nice when I told them that I had to send you a text." I know there is laughter, but I don't hear it. I just hear her. "And patient. You took forever." She giggles anxiously.

I'm terrified for her. And at the same time, I'm so proud of her. Because I know what she is doing. She is trying so hard to be strong for us. And right now, I wish I had an ounce of the magical powers she has so that I could make this all so much easier for her.

"The thing is... This doesn't matter." She removes her the crown from her head. "All of this doesn't matter, Ashley." She gestures grandly, indicating the entire gym. Or the world. God she is beautiful. "You're the only thing that matters to me."

_Tingle. Tingle._

"And even that doesn't matter. If I don't actually have you." She takes a deep shaky breath. "Ash... I can't NOT be with you."

_Tingle. Tingle. Tingle._

She barely whispers into the microphone. "I love you." Before she steps backward and hangs her head.

The crowd splits like the red sea as I make my way to the stage. I ignore their whistles and comments as I watch Spencer shaking. Obviously trying to gain control of her emotions. But as I reach the steps a palm is at my chest stopping me.

I look up at a grinning Aiden. He takes off his crown and places it on my head with a goofy smile. "Go get your queen, Ash."

I roll my eyes. "Sap."

"Pimp." I look at him surprised for a second, having expected a usual insult. It's just our thing. But he just smiles and pulls me up onto the stage and pushes me toward my tingler.

I slowly walk to her. The love of my life. The girl who tamed me. The tingler that taught me that it is OK to be loved by one person. That the good things are worth fighting for. Who made me believe, and possibly the entire gym, that nothing else matters.

"You just came out to the entire school."

She looks up and gazes at me teasingly. "You're smart."

I watch as that smile meant only for me takes residence on her face. "We won't have anything to argue about anymore." I faux pout.

"Mmmm." She closes the space between us and whispers "Good." before grabbing the back of my neck and pulling me into the most sensually loving kiss we've ever shared.

We break apart breathlessly, grinning like preschoolers. She entwines our fingers and leads us off the stage to the sounds of whistling, cheering, and applause. We walk right past a glaring Paula and beaming Arthur before exiting the gym completely.

"Gross." Spencer blurts.

I follow her line of site to Maddy and Logan, who seem to be permanently attached at the mouth. "Yeah." I laugh. "Teenagers!"

Once in the car, I turn to Spencer and we just sit in silence, having silent conversation with our eyes. Perfectly content to just be in each other's presence. In love and finally free. A bright future ahead of us; together.

"So what did you and Madison do?"

Hmmm. Maybe we will have things to fight about, after all.

_The End_


End file.
